Live Today, Die Tomorrow

[Dyl]

Live Today,Die Tomorrow-The Srebreica Massacre


Thousands of people try to identify their loved ones



July 1995,helpless Bosniak men were savagely beaten and jailed
Serbian soldiers shot them one by one killing 8,000 innocent males
Lives changed forever all thanks to the war hound Ratko Mladic
A man who shocked the nation and is globally known as a savage
Gunshots rang out through the hills like barking dogs in the night
Grasping men around their necks with every blood thirsty bite,
Soldiers raped young girls rotton, their cries unheard beneath the sun
Which left them so ashamed of their lives they fled to the forest to be hung
Imagine their snowflake faces left motionless as they dangle from a rope
And their petite bodies gasping for breath as the splutter that last choke
Think of what these girls could have been as parents cry a painful scream
As the thought of parents daughters being tossed carlessly down a stream

“Live Today, Die Tomorrow-You will never be forgotten”

400 Dutch soldiers sat by their bedsides, eagerly waiting for their call
And when called upon they stood back and were driven through a wall
They said they tried to stop them, but they stood back in utter silence
And along went the Serbs down that hill and caused unforgettable violence
Woman and children put on small buses, as their assistance never came
And the Serbs packed men in trucks and shot them one by one in vain
Each man fell like a tonne of bricks with their bones shattered like tiny sticks
As blood dripped from there weeping body, never to see daylight again
These men now shut into the darkness, caused from meaningless conflict
As they kneeled down with their eyes shut, unable to utter a complaint
Well here is to all those brave souls who were killed without a purpose
And their rotten bones be laid to rest as they still linger upon the surface
And to the women who still weep, my consonances lay upon your heart
Answers will be found, but may your lives continue with a new start

“Live Today, Die Tomorrow-You will Never Be Forgotton”

[Dyl]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...33#post5208233
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...23#post5208223

[Dyl]

some feed please

[P. Mortuus]

Good emotional piece...the way you described the event tied in with the good layout and presentation has an efect on the reader and i actually pictured parts of what your wrote. However, there were wording problems which caused a bit of irritation but nothing major that i can really scrutinize. Flow was aight patchy at parts but definantly poetic and easy to read. The ending was good but i would have preferred something more strong to conclude the piece if you get what i mean. AS far as i'm concerned this is a well rounded piece that emotionally describes the scens of that incident.
It was good, more imageery could have helped.

-Pak.

[Dyl]

I get ya bro but I really got bored.There was supposed to be more to this

[Soule]

Nice job;

The wotrding was very well done and mature. The flow was wellput. emotion wa deep; realistic. The structre was my kind of style...lovin it. The Creativty was great. Imagenary was greater. The peice it self was very nice. Great way to put things like this. Keep up the great work Dyl.

~Blind.

[Nique.]

Good piece. I thought the imagery was profound and that for the most part it was very well-written. You had minor problems (small wording problems), but overall it didn't interfer with the productiveness of your piece. Flow was good and the depressing tone of the piece was uplifted through your writing technicalities. Good stuff.

[Dyl]

Thanking you my friend.As you can see I got a bit lazy and have re-worded a few things.The last line in the 1st verse was changed too.I forgot to put in a few things

uppin

[Witty]

Yup yup, nice peice dude. I like it, the imagery was very strong here, and you showed great knowledge on this topic. You did very well with this peice and wrote a very interesting and enjoyable story. Like Niques said there is a minor problem with the wording in a few places,but most of this was very impressive. I know what you've been going through these last few weeks, and for you to still be able to come back and write a peice like this is very impressive, and shows that you are a great writer. I have watched you elevate, and seriously, to see that you have the ability to write so well, especially after seeing you build your name to the level that you are at, from noting at all, is amazing to see. You joined around the same time as me, and it really makes me happy that you have progressed so far, and I know that you are going to continue elevating, and refining your style. So yea, back to the peice, you really had great emotion in here, I was really feeling it, you expressed yourself really well in this peice. It was aggressive and opinionated, which is a very enjoyable factor in a peice. Seriously dude I can't describe how hapyp I am to see you be able to pull yourself through this rough time and still drop a great peice, it takes incredible mental strength, I should know lol my life is drama after drama lol. So yea, nice peice dude. Huge Props to you my man.

[NSP]

excellent piece. i actuatlly enjoyed reading this, the imagary was on point, wording was spot on n emotion was top notch, i actually pictured some off this in my head, which helped me enjoy this piece even more, structure any overall presentation off this piece was good which also helped it, flow was good, i think you picked a good topic n made a really good job off it, an overall captivating piece, keep it up

yo can u hit my O.M its on the first page, called *pearly gates of judgement day*

[Dyl]

thankin you

uppin

[Atti]

it was a cool piece in cocnept, but the flow bothered me. as pak said, it was patchy. i didn't realize that i was reading an om until halfway through the first verse, so, you hve to work on beefing up your rhyme scheme and making the definition of your piece alittle stronger. conceptually i liked the piece though. i always enjoy work where i feel like i'm learning something new - something that is based or written on factual events and provides dates and specific accounts as this did. so, overall i'd say this was an ok piece. contectually i actually enjoyed it alot and the emotion was decent and such ... but when being held to the guidlines of a typical om the flow was far too weak. nice job though, looked like you put alot of time into this.

[Dyl]

Thankin you

uppin

[Truth Iscariot]

well form the very start you used good emotion and this is a creative topic, you are the first person to rhyme Mladic and savage together one of the reasons this piece is unique plus you explain the topic, your flow was above average until the very end then it was pretty nice, you could have used more multis and metas but i guess not using them was alright for this piece using them might have messed up your flow and imagery so good choice at rhyme scheme,


Each man fell like a tonne of bricks with their bones shattered like tiny sticks

^^^ that was your only weak line dude good read nice piece keep at it