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Thread: Mechanical Pencil feat. clisk

  1. #1
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    Mechanical Pencil feat. clisk

    1st verse clisk
    2nd verse grimreapa



    *Click Click*

    My day begins with that sudden sound
    Feelings start pouring in its own tears of expression
    i wipe my eye's from the morning synus
    i stretch, to put at ease the bone marrows that rest
    everyday is a new day, so i write of a view
    the sun hugs my curtains like the ink to the page
    not in anger nor happiness, it writes itself
    the pen clicks it way through like a virus looking for food.

    *Click Click*

    Scars of perpetual help, pulsating conversation
    in words of a thought not to mention all in all created tension
    carpel tunel is injected, ejected is feelings
    the writings write of emotions jarred in a bottle for the ocean.
    causally i try to stay afloat with tears
    released like a 9mm...to cause damage is it's own mission
    I sleep to the sound, tappings of a gentle say
    This way is used to tell people how i feel in my own worse case


    *click click*

    as the lead slowly ejects from the tip of my pencil
    it transforms to be a great and all powerful utencial
    thoughts continuesly travel from my mind to my hand
    man,gets points across,no cares how it my come out bland
    theres no stoppin,gun as a brain&intreaging lyrics are poppin
    day to night,dark to light,i write,pay no attention to the clock-n
    bars that are fresh with ideas,everything from deaths to love
    my lines seal the deal like the devils contract,signed in blood

    *click click*

    is the sound i like cuz concepts are forgotten,but lyrics are forever
    sketched on paper,stained,havin the abitlity to be read when ever
    there sweet,eatable to the eyes,some so movin that many cry
    influencial to some they say,say that these words made many die
    but thats how powerful the mark you created just may become
    fun,when letters form so much,but also so little to some
    disrgarded,thought to be and equivelent to trash,but also as treasure
    so much better,if its spoken oh so clever,my pencil bring so much pleasure

    *click click*
    the sound i hear everyday...



    links
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=308620
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=308250
    Last edited by GrimmyReaps; September 8th, 2006 at 01:21 AM

  2. #2
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    upping this....

    dont sleep on this!
    Last edited by Spoken; September 8th, 2006 at 01:21 AM
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  3. #3
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    hmm...pretty good drop...yall gonna make hof soon if u keep droppin this hot...but i dunno ....clisk your verse was nice i aint got good wit poems but your verse fit in this drop very nicely...grim your verse is what made this for seeing i aint all into poems...flow was nice stayed up for most part....multies were a bit weak..couldve improved there....strutre was nice...a couple lines were off but thats alright..a very creative drop...i dont read much like this...i think that in a month or so..hof is gonna have ur name on it...good job keep up homies...
    Empire

  4. #4
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    thanks for the feed.. appreciate it much!...
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

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    up0

  6. #6
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    pu in your sig those blues eye's ft. clisk and your homie name
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  7. #7
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    im not sure what his name is gonna be....ill just put his nickname...

  8. #8
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    WOW...
    thanks for everyone SLEEPING ON THIS!.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  9. #9
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    I have a problem with the first part being so damned poetic and never getting to any rhyme scheme... I just can't get down to that on a collab, that doesn't translate to audio at all... and I know, this isn't audio, I'm just saying though that when I read other peoples' work I am trying to sing along and find your flow... and it was, quite simply nonexistent.

    now, had this continued and been a poetic piece, this may have been received a bit differently on my end. But, the next guy came with it and rhymed, and I thought it was pretty decent towards the end because he started to use a few internal rhyme schemes. Also, the message is a little lost on me here, I just keep reading about "tears" and "gunshots" and I'm not exactly sure what the hell you two are talking about, really, and even if any of it is drawn from true experience. Just seems like its forced.

    Sorry if you guys are in love with this and expected good feedback, maybe it is just me here, I just didn't enjoy this as much as most of the other work I've seen from you two. That's my opinion and I'm happy to give it.

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  10. #10
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    ok...it was about writing thats it...the power of the pencil...the effect of verses...but tks...for ur feed

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  12. #12
    I thought it was a pretty good written peice.. Stayed on topic tryed to get your points across in different ways.. Im more of a med' artist myself so I'd say it may of caught some more attention if you through a good punch here and there..

    Like "getting my point across".. you can easy relate that to the movement of a pen or whatnot which would get me more into it

    Though it aint my style I felt it.. I understand it.. kinda reminded me of a few styles ive seen before.. keep writting ya shit and Im down for a collabo anytime


    ps: The smallest mistakes get some people of flow
    "no cares how it my come out bland"
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    R.I.

    want a sig.. I currently make

  13. #13
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    tks ups

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    up for more feed....dont sleep on this

  15. #15
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    up again

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