Dead Of The Dawn

[Nib Oswald]

A spiralling hole of cold dolor now swallows me whole
Cornered by sorrow, I wallow within my horrible hull
Walls of squalor engulf holy oracles as they fall
Pearls of colour unfurl tomorrow in swirling charcoal

Stolen optimism stumbles into a forlorn crawl
And loyally follows my burrowing horrors of old
Balding olive trees keep moulting golden leaves in the squall
Extol the hollow knell calling from the hell of my soul

I bury my face in a blanket of my own blank stare
Tainting the air with a rank rancor of cankered prayer
Saints take the care to anchor pain in the angst I wear
Anger blares hate into my veins until they strain and tear

I sit at the lip of the cliff to my crypt’s abyss
Wishing for ignorant bliss to grip me within her kiss
Misery scissors slits into my wrists with blistered lips
Reminiscing diminishes as her spit venom hits

Amber embers of semblance trembling ambient heat
Dismembered emperors’ heads litter empty, unlit streets
Pits of foetid grit sweating hot glitter, splattered with sleet
With bittersweet black static spattered into the beat

Feet split from these eggshell hornets I am treading upon
Splintered thorns embed within raw skin, reddened and worn
Orphan born and bred on cornbread embedded with scorn
Mourn the dregs of old letters read, now shredded and torn
Dread this morning of Armageddon: dead of the dawn

[Spoken]

this is a nice written piece right here...well done...very emotional and image providing. your choice of wordings was well fanned out...nicely professional and the content in this was nicely executed with deep feeling and thought!....

I bury my face in a blanket of my own blank stare
Tainting the air with a rank rancor of cankered prayer
Saints take the care to anchor pain in the angst I wear
Anger blares hate into my veins until they strain and tear

I sit at the lip of the cliff to my crypt’s abyss
Wishing for ignorant bliss to grip me within her kiss
Misery scissors slits into my wrists with blistered lips
Reminiscing diminishes as her spit venom hits
^^
perfect example of great thought and percise wording!.....i like the style aswell!.

you had me from start to finish!...keep writing!.

RTF please link in my sig!

[Prince Escobar]

I liked this piece Nib but i really felt like you supressed what it could have been by your word choice. It felt forced when you used words in the beginning like "squalor, engulf, unfurl". You, however recovered quickly and picked up steam as the piece went on but through the end i felt like i was stuck in the first stanza, it just cluttered the message in my mind. Elevation is key, 1luv.

[Messiah.]

This was a very nice piece here the emotion was key for me.....and the wording of lines in this was very well done.....This style suited the piece i thought and the vocabulary in this was good aswell but you did try and get the complex words in there dont force it to much....Overall good verse here stay up.