Time Machine

[soulstice.]

Time drives on one way streets and you'll some day meet
Your cul-de-sac, and go back to being weak
It's deceives the free, wild, and the elated
Running amok, living, ecstatically jaded
The hourglass has its power last the way god's faculty made it
Sparatic and crazy - Me and you, together and beautiful
Love surged, undisturbed from her head to her cuticles
Then something occured that made her more excellent
As her allure gave her a child that heaven sent
.
Nine months of struggle, trouble, and angst
Vomiting, haunted by cravings and pains
Her behavior was strange, That icy december
The fateful night that I see and remember
The day defeat came to our venture ..
.
The times here, she cries, fears, the pain that appears
As I steer.. toward the house she'd be spending the night
And after take part in a future of unending delight
The thoughts bled through my mind as the birth
took place, right in the car, but the baby arrived premature
And she, she couldn't endure. They both died that night
The christmas eve i regret, my personal time machine
I'll never forget

I wish I could go back in time, when you were mine, or maybe i could bleed
In your place, but time never stops, just a memory for my time machine

[soulstice.]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=305500

[DJ Diablo]

I liked this piece nice flow and structure. You also some nice multies in there too which was good keep it up man.

1

[The Vortex]

yeah interesting digital formatting.ha..........

i see you somewhat cooled down on the vocab overdose.....

you sure are popping of some ill elevated rhymes in this joint . and got some cool blasts of visual imagery....... got a good natural / fluent flow to it . nothing seemed forcrd or out of place.........all in all was lil short of me rating it a classic short meaning the length not quality coz that was ace and i cudda read some more to this joint......... storyline was structured well and blended correctly with the imagery so could easily be followed.

yea tite



btw. check this joint wen u get time-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=306189

[A.O.D]

The structure and just general writting style in this peice reminds me alot of my own past work. Which is why I think I could critize it the most. I'm my own worst critique. Anyways, your stucture is off in points and while you have a good sense of vocab, some of the words you use drift off the meaning that you are trying to push to your readers. Overall its a decent peice when it makes sense. :-)