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Thread: infidelity

  1. #1
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    infidelity

    infidelity
    Prince Carter

    Fallen from grace
    lost is my faith
    I drop to my knees
    See it all in my face

    I wish i didn't know
    Ignorance is bliss
    now the last sliver of my heart
    is stricken cold

    Thicken the plot
    you sickened me, babe
    till death do us part?
    kindly give me the grave

    Rid me of this poison
    detox i desire
    now i wither from the ether
    eaten by the fire

    Sinking in the mire of my sorrows
    wash me with intoxicants
    inebriate me with your lies
    alleviate me of your eyes

    recreate me more the wise
    rebuild me from these ashes
    form flesh from my death
    reform my breath
    conform my ribs to the truth

    Undo what you've done in harm
    unsnare me from your charm
    restitch my heart as whole
    take me to a time before yours
    started to mold

    and lastly hold me together
    with elation, not fruit from the devil tree
    i lost my smile in these eyes
    that caught you
    in your infidelity

    1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  2. #2
    Soule
    Guest
    Dope peice man,

    I really felt this shit man. Incredible Creativty and Imagenary. The wordplay kept the flow flowing very well. I really liked the story plot you had here. It was very mature and well put. I could image this in my head. I was reading this with a Atmosphere beat, which came to a dope Audio lol. 10-10. I will nominate this for Legend. Maybe we could collab sometime. Peace.

  3. #3
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    Thanks a million god for the recognition, i deeply appreciate the feed and the Legends nod, elevation is key, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! A.O.D's Avatar
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    I can relate to this peice for some odd reason. I like the structure that you used and the rhyme scheme was actually really nice. You vocab was simple and the topic a little played out. But overall this held alot of emotion and was a good drop.
    I'm not back...I'm simply bored out of my mind.
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  5. #5
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    Thanks a lot man, i appreciate you taking the time to read it, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  6. #6
    you never ready Fiasco's Avatar
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    Damn mman, this piece really rung a bell with me, i was feeling how you flipped a familiar topic and really put some emotion into your work, i konw you've been working on that so clearly this is a touchy topic for you. You handled it really well, great job Prince.

    -Fiasco
    Po'Ethics.

  7. #7
     
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    Well sir, Before I say anything...

    Thicken the plot
    you sickened me, babe
    till death do us part?
    kindly give me the grave

    ^^ This was absolutely great. If I only had a dime for everytime I wanted to write a stanza like that but never really had a concept for a poem to go with it... i'd have like 2 dollars and 30 cents =P ..

    I liked the short stanzas.. and in the beginning you did a good job of keeping most of the lines to 4-6 syllables. But that kind of dragged on and get longer as the piece went along. Your diction was great. Each long had proportional strength in your choice of words. The only place where I felt it slipped up was in the ending.. But hey that's just me.

    Your emotion, imagery, and the choice of vocabulary were all good. This had a good title aswell. It leaves the piece open for interpretation and makes the reader soak up the whole piece and figure it out.

    Good stuff esco.. Keep writing and what not.

    Pz.

    - Po'
    Roc-A-Fella !

  8. #8
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    Thanks greatly man, i actually have to agree with you in reference to the final stanza, thank you none the lesss for taking your time to read it, i really appreciate the props, especially on that particular stanza (the one you quoted) i appreciate it man, elevation is key, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  9. #9
    You know, I didn't really like it at first... but I just had to adjust to the style to be able to apreciate it. It just seemed wierd to me that you were using line breaks, but none of your lines really ran one to the next, but rather all had an undenounced cama that just was there without actually being. So, once I figured out how to read, and how to go about forming this all in my head I could apreciate the quality of it. Almost every line, despite being around 5-7 syllables long each, was its own seperate counter part. That takes skill to be able to condense so much meaning into that short amount of space. Overall a nice read man, topic was kind of done, but your approach and structuring of it made it unique.

    When you get the time...
    Black-Sheep Abacus [Act Ø: Scene XII]

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