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Thread: A Proud Man: A Touch From Marvins Hand.

  1. #1
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    A Proud Man: A Touch From Marvins Hand.




    A Proud Man

    1939 was a time when soul was born; he was the next kin of mine
    In a time when races was torn, and only the sin would shine.
    I vowed the love in my line wouldn't suffer, cuz I grew up with nothin'
    Groomed, spit polished & buffered, yet all I needed was lovin'.
    But my past is begrudgin' & forgotten, faded pictures & tales
    There's never no stoppin' the rottin', naked whispers have failed.
    At first, he wailed in the choir but always aimed to do higher
    He never sang in my church, still he set the roof on fire.
    Fans won't let old truths expire, when it gets putrid and harder
    The Reverand will constantly be known as an abusive Father.
    & the insults were rather hurtful - but true, for the few who know me
    Joining the air force with no views, can only a make a kid lonely.
    If only, he didn't leave.. I didn't need him to go, or persevere
    I just wanted to make clear, that I was actually trying here.
    & it'll always be a dying fear of his Mother, that a Brother didn't try
    Son I won't lie.. you're all I ever needed for me to get by.
    I had to watch your soul die, & it killed me in a way I can't describe
    Tammi had an affect on you that money couldn't buy.
    So when cancer took her aside, you had no answers to appease
    You lost so much belief, you may aswell of had the disease.
    & the years browned with the leaves - for a recluse lay in tears
    You gave up and gathered the rope for a noose made of beer.
    A suffocated atmosphere, brought out the love and hate in you
    You'd abuse me over the phone, & label me a blatant fool.
    Alone, and escape is due, my own son begged for a release
    What's going on?
    I never thought I'd be here to see my son rest in peace.
    For I religiously keep a control, and pray for hours but I'm powerless
    See, I brought you into this world, for God to take you out of it.

    From a neautral perspective, or for detectives on the scene
    It look like homicide with a shotgun, & a killing that had been.
    & a killing it was, for shots and circumstances don't mix
    But this wasn't a convict, commiting crime for a slow fix
    As he carried ahold a crucifix, & what the police was told
    "Marvin Pentz Gay, Jr.. was dead to me a long time ago".
    .



    Judge how you want..



    Last edited by B.I.Detained.; August 8th, 2006 at 11:55 AM
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    yeah read this earlier. was as you woud put it" mechanicaly sound". well maybe a touch more than that. at first glimpse i thought i woud be easily bored with it. but. i retracked and tried taking in the whole piece and basicaly its fluency and imagery touches even if a bit light on the visuals. which could of beeen a bit more. but yeah the tale was rounded up dopely. had a good few outstanding lines to me. i wont bother qoute the lot. b basicaly the ones i liked did involve a good dose of multie usage. still made exact sense and had emotion packed into the bars..... ish was ill. had some food for thought. maybe i wanted a little more from it like something exciting or revealing perhaps. coz i aint in a fit state to "judge" on this

    ha

    even w those missing pieces this still manages to be
    100% somehow

    stay poppin 1
    .................................................. ......................

  3. #3
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    Thanks.. and uppety up.
    ArtificialIntelligence
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  4. #4
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    nice and original... thats all im gonna say, apart from your bars get longer and longer as the years go by
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  5. #5
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    well, it was a bold take on things, different. Technically I see you did some things different here, and the title kind of K.O'd you from the start. I really liked this as I got downto reading, very original take and nice to see someone writting about the situation and not just the music. Good shit here brix, you do have a special something in all your drops. Emotion strong, but imagery didn't pop right out at me, that is maybe my only gripe with the peice. Always a pleasure

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  6. #6
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dev
    nice and original... thats all im gonna say, apart from your bars get longer and longer as the years go by
    lmao, cheers..
    from the novelist
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  7. #7
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    nice like others said this was an very original pieace I stated reading it in an slow pace and to me it was getting more interesting as i cotinued your use of good ryhming, description and vocabulary kept the flow. nice pieace fam. RTF

  8. #8
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
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    Hm, as I said in the battle ,the begginning way to start out with those multies and inners, i just didnt like very much. it sort of started with a complex inner, and a weaker end rhyme, and suck quick transistions seemed to mess up the flow to me... but maybe thats just me, you also had a rough transistion from the choir/hgiher line to the roof on fire... but after that it began to get much much better.... dope actually.. the emotion was awesome, and the story imagery was pretty nice as well, although lacking in some places.... my only qualms were the simpler inners strewn about the piece... and you spelled neutral wrong. lol

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  9. #9
    I'm Twisted. FanQ.'s Avatar
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    O_o. Alright. This was a good piece. The emotion was there, REALLY there, I felt each word you've brung out the best of the character. The Imaginary, meh it was there, but not fully. The rhyme scheme was decent and the approach was in awe to me. It was easy to read, no flaws, except the Imaginary, not very Much detailed but the Emotion, good GOodness, the emotion was powerful. Overall this was a good drop.
    It's my own space, my own time, when I'm just out there letting my thoughts go. It's part of my day like eating, and it's one of my favorite parts.

    Louise Kent


  10. #10
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    When i first read this in SS, i didn't know it was about Marvin Gay.

    This makes me like it more. It's just stronger.

    Peace.

  11. #11
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elemental Soul`
    When i first read this in SS, i didn't know it was about Marvin Gay.

    This makes me like it more. It's just stronger.

    Peace.
    well that just shows you didn't read the piece when the battle was up..
    as anyone would know that this was about him!
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  12. #12
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    Rise yooooooooooooooooo
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  13. #13
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    Ew, more ups than replies, lol.. fuck.
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

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