Depression: A young man under siege

[Client]

Depression


A young man under siege

Thoughts pile up, panicking erupts,
tears flow down you’re cheek,
oceans are formed.
Salt burns you’re mouth,
tears dissolve,
but you drown in emotions.
And you start thinking,

Don't let emotions drag you down.

Insomnia creates paranoia,
sleepless nights,
sleepless days.
Confusion sets in,
a heavy burden of non sense,
along as the world,
is placed on your shoulder.
While standing at a cliffs edge,
contemplating to jump off.
And you start thinking,

Keep fighting, it's not worth it.

People talk recklessly,
“How did this happen.”
“He was so happy as kid.”
But they were blind,
without walking walking sticks.
Never paying attention,
To broke for their own good,
assuming you were okay,
but never asking.
Common courtesy,
was rarer then the devil,
saying God bless you,
after you sneezed.
And you start thinking,

That's them, be you're own man,
Don't fall due to their stupidity.

Now a demon possessed young man,
has two choices,
death upon himself or others.
As he ponders upon his choices,
thoughts create brain freeze.
Tranquilizing his mind,
now stuck on a captain less ship,
in the arctic ocean.
An ice berg is head on,
his fate is decided right here.
And you start thinking,

Be stronger, think about the lives this will affect.

He walks twenty blocks,
on the crowded city streets.
Not one person smiles,
or bothers nodding.
He realizes,
the whole world is depressed,
their just afraid to admit it.
He picks out a random guy,
stares him dead in the eye,
cocks back the gun,and pulls the trigger.
And you start thinking,

I'm sorry, I hope God forgives.

[CrosT Over]

i am not one for poetry really...but i fell deep into this piece, i loved the amount of emotion you poured into this, each stanza went with the next and i think split up it lost meaning, but when you capture the whole piece it wraps up into a brillant piece of writing...not sure hwo you are as i havn't seen much of your work but excellent drop here

[Dyl]

Ok this was a decnent drop and was a good read.You put some good emoion into the piece and you dislayed everything pretty well.I still think you could have been a bit more discriptive in this piece and the slightest bit more creative,but other that that it was a good piece.The second last staza would have been my favourite part of the poem and you worded everything good in it.Good drop and keep writing

[Split]

Not bad, not bad at all. I like how you didn't rhyme, that can hold you back at times, being caged by something.. be it the rhyme, be it the rhythm, whatever. This just kind of seemed to come out. Streaming consciousness. Good stuff. A few pointers. Start reading alot. Read old classics and shit.. Get a good grasp on metaphore and simile.. it always helps.

[Client]

Thanks for the feed all.

Split thanks for the pointers, This was ment to be more straight on then metaphores and similes. I can do much better metaphorically, this was a very quick write, I focused more on emotion and how I was feeling at the time. Thanks for the pointers though will do, I can use to get better in them areas still.

[Client]

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