The Witness (TNL) Vs. Dusk2Dawn (CF) Topical

[Tim]

The Witness (TNL) Vs. Dusk2Dawn (CF) Topical
Verses Due sunday
500 posts to vote

topics

The day in the life of
I cant breath
Stuck in the hole
lost souls
head in the clouds
In the cave
Bleeding to death

[...Dusk2Dawn...]

Check. Good Luck

[Witty]

Check.......g'luck to you too man

[Witty]

http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=...s/darkcave.jpg

'mankind will survive even the toughest tests'

Her flaming soul, and fiery passion, sang a song of sorrow
For she knew her innocuous life would be soon consumed
By a heartless beast with jagged teeth……….come tomorrow
Her limp and inert body, would putrefy, in a desolate tomb
For her life had been strangled, by transgression and evil deeds
Waving gently in the morning wind, her hair swept gracefully
Singing in to herself, ‘oh what an excessive life to lead’
She picked herself off the ground, revelled in the searing heat
Admired the sea, and lowered herself in to the daunting cave
Where she would rot, and put an end to these haunting days
The cave walls, were graphically scattered with hieroglyphics
Telling of a time long ago…..when all was deadly and horrific
Emptiness surrounded her, every step was a new adventure

Treading charily, so as not to collide with hanging rocks
Her shining locks, were the only source of light, all else was dark
But with a hasty spark, the cave lit up, and revealed its secrets
Skeletons long deceased and gone, left this lady’s anger heated
Defeated, they lay in a gathered pile, there forever they would stay
Until the day, a valiant woman came, and gave her life away
‘many will die, so that a lady will be left unprotected
She must give her life, for them to be resurrected’
Engraved in the walls, weathered after years of existence
This long forgotten curse, made this lady’s choice decisive

With a subservient soul, and a heart open wide
The lady inside this cave, stood boldly to one side
And called upon the beast, to fulfil his malicious deed
‘Come evil beast, come quickly for me
For it is I you want, and it is I you shall get’
With a ground shaking roar, the horrific beast leapt
And devoured this lady, until there was nothing left
Licking his lips, and grinning in great satisfaction
Not sentient that the curse, was coming in to action
He lay on the dusty and dicey ground, and slept like a king
While the skeletons woke up, and got together to sing.

‘Your imprudence will soon be your demise
For within your fattened body, our mistress lies
Awaiting us to free her soul, for she freed ours
So evil beast, this is your final hour’

They crept upon him, crushing his ego and pride
Between their mighty hands, the beast cried and died
It was too late for him, he had sown his seed
Now for his behaviour he must pay his deed
He has been killed for attempting to trick mankind
Now mankind will show his brilliant might

All this happened in the cave that night
Completely concealed to those outside

[...Dusk2Dawn...]

I'll need an extenstion to tuesday night like Tim.

Sorry for the inconvience. Thanks

[Witty]

wtf you're suuposed to tell me BEFORE THE DUE DATE

but yea I spose that's cool

[...Dusk2Dawn...]

My bad. This is the first time I been on all week end. And I got to go to my sister graduation party tonight and a 4th of July party tomarow night. Plus work on tuesday so I'll try to have it done tuesday night. thanks

[...Dusk2Dawn...]

I Can't Breathe

Visions obscured by cloudiness blocking my pupils
Insecurity eating away at my soul causing erosion
Untamable thoughts leaving my mind in a scruple
Blinded by fury, lost in the fire depicted by explosion

I can’t breathe as I start to heave
My mind bleeds from being deceived
I can’t breathe, no chance to succeed
Thoughts twirling furiously, I can’t breathe

Unconsciousness settles as my minds misconnected
Between lies and depression causing deception
Tears flow down worst then baby mothers neglected
New ideas are thought of in the act of conception

I can’t breathe as I start to heave
My mind bleeds from being deceived
I can’t breathe, no chance to succeed
Thoughts twirling furiously, I can’t breathe

A sweat shop in Africa depicts my minds struggle
Nausea erupts while thoughts overflow the brain
Gasping for air, my mind shuts down while I stumble
On the ground gagging, blood rushing out my ears, I’m slain!

I can’t breathe as I start to heave
My mind bleeds from being deceived
I can’t breathe, no chance to succeed
Thoughts twirling furiously, I can’t breathe

Blood clogging my throat, leaves air trapped outside
An overworked mind is the cause to body’s manifestation
Thoughts rush through my eyes, bringing surrealism alive
As I choke on my blood due to exceeding cerebration

I can’t breathe!

http://content.answers.com/main/cont...eningitis.jpeg

[Witty]

uppin for some votes

[Witty]

vote please

[Witty]

uppin

[Witty]

vote on this battle please

[Cody Nash]

it seems everytime i vote on these goddamn things, i'm dealing with two different styles, which deffinatly makes the voting difficult. witness, with his normal ranting/raving style, then we got dusk2dawn with that nice poetical/edgy style. again, it's a very hard decision. i liked both of the pieces equally, but obviously i have to make a decision. so ..

dusk2dawn - very nicely done. i like your style, more so because it's got that poetic vibe when you read it. i hate your flow though (pointing out bad things first). your internals are weak and they don't connect right with me. dunno, could be me. your rhyme scheme just seems way stretched out.
now, your storylines are awsome. that's what i love about you, and that's where i see your mass potential. i like how you bring a story to life, and in the end, it's just a huge point or sadness or climax of the whole story, as it should be. you've come a long ways from those first OM's. your style is a new one, and as an individual you've created your own originality. i like that. you've done well with your writings. this piece proved that. the story in general, i liked it. the vocabulary, the disgusting illustration that came with the storyline, everything. great read.

vs.

the witness - also a well written piece. you're on top of your game lately, your vocab seemed a little gritty in this one, a couple of fall off points there. your whole flow of things in general is great though. your internals are good, and you've got this way of puting things together WITHOUT that bar to bar rhymescheme. poetic? no. nice? yes. you've also overcome the odds and finally broken down your own original style for the readers.
your storylines, don't really attract me that well though. you're more of an emotional writer than anything, i favor the visualizations in the writeups. you've got OmHoF's you've gotten major recognition, you're a recognized person. but this piece WAS NOT your best.

both were exceptional. both were great, but i'm leaning more over towards dusk on this one. you guys were good. nice reads, thanks for that.

v. Dusk2Dawn, just more attracting to me.

if you guys could, look up El Poeta vs. Julius Caesar in FL. you both know damn well how hard it is to get topical votes as well as i do. and i'm sure they'd appreciate your feedback. i'd give you one of my links, but i have none open. they'd appreciate your feedback though. good looks.

- Nash

[...Dusk2Dawn...]

Damn thanks for breaking everything down and pointing everything out. I'll be sure to build off it, just like I do on your votes in my text battles and I'll be sure to learn. Thanks

Upp 1

[...Dusk2Dawn...]

Uppin 2