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Thread: Angels Myth.

  1. #1
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    Angels Myth.

    Angels Myth.

    A plot of hate was pledged to God, the legend remains in scripts of fables
    The devised contrive would change the world and conspire the myth of angels
    .
    In the empyrean, upon his throne, the creator of all good, darkness and light
    The all wise and holy, master of all, with his favourite archangel on his right
    His title was Lucifer, the right hand man, blessed with all power and royalty
    Little did anyone comprehend, was that Satan was soon to devour his loyalty
    Sipping on his chalice of pride, he became drunk on strength and ambition
    Open minded of the risks, he was able to interpret the lengths of his mission
    The plan he devised to override the thrown, bloodshed predicted in gallons
    The portrayed accomplice betrayed the Lord, the one who had gifted those talents
    Within the celestial map, a war of rage waged between the Serpent and the Holy
    And as the battle continued, the power of the two opposing was steadily growing
    The finish of the battle approached, and it was the hatred that was the team to stumble
    His army began to crumble, and the once heavenly archangel had finally tumbled
    Punishments were severe towards the rebellion, how dare he defy his sturdy master
    So the Lord simply turned on the fallen, with ease he damned the dirty bastard
    He condemned him to the lowest place, a cell for him to sit and dwell
    And from that day forward the dragon still lurks, deep within the pits of hell
    The foolish Lord, He expected him to stay beneath the earth to grow feeble
    Although, the tables had turned, and this was just simply the birth of evil

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    Last edited by Kalos Graphē; June 4th, 2006 at 03:40 PM
    I.J.L Reppin
    Tatt And Blue Perhaps You Knew

  2. #2
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    Damn this was just simply a dope verse. Hof? maybe I wanna see if its just me who thinks is that good. But the vocab was complex and nicley blended into a good flow. Some of the lines were just a little stretched but wasnt that big of a deal. I've seen this topic on good and evil before but this was prolly the best verse on it. You dont need much work just on shortening your lines but like I said it wasnt a biggy. All in all I liked reading this, wasnt really thought provoking but I dont think it was going for that. Overall 9/10...

  3. #3
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    HOF haha yeah right, this was just a bit of an elevation piece... it was suppost 2 b a collab but the other participant didnt do his verse... thanks 4 da feed tho lets get sum mo
    I.J.L Reppin
    Tatt And Blue Perhaps You Knew

  4. #4
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    Hof .... Mabi

    Dope....Yes


    This piece lacked nothing Flow was prbzz tha weakest but the vocab structue was ill

    The thing i liked about this piece is that it didnt have that forced emotion that most OM's have, it was a wicked piece


    Stay up....
    Drop some feed i'll RTF

    Convict Cliff.Hanger Ft Baron


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  5. #5
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    hmmm thats 2 that say HOF... i didnt think it was that good... but mayb... lol thanks people lets get some more feed
    I.J.L Reppin
    Tatt And Blue Perhaps You Knew

  6. #6
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    this was a good piece good imagery wordplay was good nic metaphors and your emotion was on point good shit man

    peace
    RIP BIG L

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    Ok Tat. Now your beginning to write better.

    One thing i will say that you need to fix is the line length. They weren't bad but some were stretched, and when that happens it throws off the whole flow of your piece.

    Now on to the imagery in this piece. This was simply the most vivid OM i've seen you write. You had very nice, descriptive words in your piece that helped paint out the whole picture in the readers head the whole time they were reading. Although the part about "dirty bastard" was a bit random as I was going along, it still rhymed. It seemed a bit forced right there but, sometimes that is just that you can't escape.

    Your vocab like I said was vivid. You had lengthy, some-what complicating words in there to give the piece more emotion and imagery and that helped me keep reading.

    And the final sha-BANG, your ending. For some reason I reallllllly liked that last line/last two lines. Especially that "tables have turned, this was just simply the birth of evil." that part was a superb way to end this.

    Good writing sir. Keep this shit up amigo.
    Roc-A-Fella !

  8. #8
     
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    Oh yeah about HoF.

    As much as I think this is your personal best piece. Sorry to say, I don't think it would get accepted into hof. But it is good writing, keep this up and you'll be on that list eventually.
    Roc-A-Fella !

  9. #9
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    Hey can u check the battle in my sig...I left feed for you.....


    thx Vote honest


    And if your busy its ok
    Drop some feed i'll RTF

    Convict Cliff.Hanger Ft Baron


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  10. #10
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    aight maaco i'll do that

    and i kno thats wut i thought white... not hof material.. and the dirty bastard wasn't forced, i did it on purpose to kind of give it a bit of an effect and almost symbolise how unforgiving God was to the devil... mayb i didnt do it good enough 4 ne1 2 catch
    I.J.L Reppin
    Tatt And Blue Perhaps You Knew

  11. #11
     
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    Slipped by me dude. lol.
    Roc-A-Fella !

  12. #12
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    well it wasnt that obvious now that i look at it, coulda played it better
    I.J.L Reppin
    Tatt And Blue Perhaps You Knew

  13. #13
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    Yea this piece was dope.......forgot too ask im look'n too colabb with some dopeheads if u kno any *hint hint*
    Drop some feed i'll RTF

    Convict Cliff.Hanger Ft Baron


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  14. #14
     
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    ^ Nope, we don't know any.
    Roc-A-Fella !

  15. #15
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    lol........
    Drop some feed i'll RTF

    Convict Cliff.Hanger Ft Baron


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