The Silver Lining is Bullshit

[Alcoholocaust]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294128
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=294444

i was told by the elders
that there is a silver lining in every dark cloud
only,
all i found was misunderstanding,
deception, ignorance and lost crowds
you see, i made my crossroads in life
but i made a wrong turn,
but if you look and you listen
you may learn
the ways that ive been and i went and i walked and i crossed
just like christ
who sacrificed his life on the cross
not a hallucination but i beheld a a pale horse
and his rider
bent on pacificying the people
as they scream out for revolution
to the means of the solution to the problem at hand
if the people are unsatisfied
give them an american banstand
come on, you need to focus on the plan, man
damn, damn, damn
don't you see?
they want a drug-free environment
war on drugs
and at the same time addict you to medical drugs and chemical dependency
so as to control monitored limited life expectancy
replace nature's remedy
with a controlled substance
caught up in a psychological trance
dance
as you are drawn into the commercial hype and sexual propoganda
candy-coated
like pollyanna and aunt jemima having a threesome with the quaker oats man
as david duke plays the fiddle
and
the new reformed klu klux klan square dances around a rainbow flag
and
the pro-facist republicans and demonic democrats hold hands
and praise the sleeping giant from the east who bears the mark of the beast
and
the poor become the governor's mayors and police

that's the day when there's true justice
when a neo-nazi can stand on the blocks of harlem
and sell african medallions and bean pies
and
the NYPD and Rudy Guliani are exposed as war criminals
as
Mumia Abu-Jamal becomes President and Ramona Africa, the first lady
as
George W. Bush and William Clinton tap dance to soundtracks by Snoop Dogg
while it's claiming "power to the people"
as
George Bush Sr., Ronald Reagan, Nixon and Saddam play golf
served biscuits by a leather-clad Newt Gringich
as
Janet Reno takes a strap-on to Donald Rumsfeld's ass
i will speak if you will listen
you see
capitalism is okay for those that's on top
fucked are the ones on the bottom
left out are the ones on the bottom
the ones on the bottom are considered lower than the gum under your shoes
you lose
hurry up for this fate that you never choose
now
think back
before there was such a thing as crossover hippies and fashionable thugs, man
this politics shit's always been bugged
like a society which pushes against drugs
but at the same time
glamorizes the same thing that will have your ass arrested
faster than you can plead the fifth
and then capatalize off your failed attempts
this is capitalism
for all of us with the red, white and blue
bars and stars
while we're persecuted and hauled off in police cars
to serve as slaves
on the plantation of prison and jail
no money on your books or your bail
your life on the third rail
set on foot, you to fail
got it like a puppet on a string
to be original is to go against this thing
to go against this thing is to be abstract
not accepted
get back, jack
you've been hit with a democratical system backsmack
so now,
backtrack
to the statement i proposed when i began
the silver lining around the dark cloud is systemized
make sure for the sake of folly, you are not victimized
hypnotized
stagnated minds now analyzed

[Nick James...]

The structure fucked up the flow alot man. U had SOOOO many deep points that would of hit SOOO hard if it had rhymed a bit better. It seems like U rushed it too much, and the rhyme scheme didn't really hit until the end, which was definitly Ur best part. The vocabulary was 100% on point. If U went back and changed the problems this could be Legend material.

[noncentz]

damn twin this was fire structure aint shit but neither is mine yo this was on point id like to see more work from you

[Alcoholocaust]

yeah, this was more a keyed rant than anything else I didn't have time to tweak it and use a fixed rhyme scheme and readable structure. but ill more than likely make a revised version later on. thanks for the feed.

[Alcoholocaust]

any feed would be cool, ill aways rtf

[Atti]

Maaaaaaaan, I was really dissapointed by this. The title was so dope and I just expected such a masterpiece, and it was nothign near that. The piece was very uneventful and it was just nagging and bland. The structure was increeeeeedibly jacked up, I don't know what the hell you were trying to pull of with that. I mean, Im all for creative rhyming and proggressive styles but this was just sloppy. You had some 2 word lines then you had some lines that would wrap the page. It was just everywhere. Man, SUCH A DOPE TITLE! aaaaaw, lol I really wish this was the super thought provoking and metaphorical masterpiece I had worked out in my head when I read "the silver lining is bullshit" . Sorry man, just didn't like the piece. Keep at it though.

It'd be dope if you could return the favor on my new Om,
In the Shadows of the Livingroom
Thanks alot, I really apreciate it.