User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 26

Thread: Is It A Sin To Kill An Insect?

  1. #1
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Manhattan, NY
    Posts
    6,055
    Battle Record
    34-13

    Is It A Sin To Kill An Insect?

    The Manhattan Project; a foreshadow…
    For more battles.
    Nuclear weapons morph contemptible dwarf hassles
    Perpetuating the cycle in debt,
    You’re paying recitals
    Performed by The Great Depression, Stock speculating
    A bible's preach stopped escalating,
    The rivals reach to ascertain the grip,
    Having pain equipped, required.
    Religion, Science, and War…
    Leaked brains, the sick, the spire
    The sequel to the steeple evolving feeble people; Beetles
    Mosquitoes flutter by Butterflies
    Committing utter cries under sties
    Eyelid's tears get stung,
    Bumble bees nearly drunk; Feeling buzzed
    Crickets steering jumps,
    Spears get flung, leers of dung
    Spies are Spiders lurking, working to…
    Determine patience
    The tender speed of Centipedes center greed for…
    Exterminations
    Ticks are tanks; stick to ranks
    Of blood suckers in the smoke screen
    Soldiers with their coats green,
    Folks scream as throats steam
    The universe will mosh and flood,
    The planet will toss the humans
    The humans will squash the bugs,
    But still a gosh is fluent
    The craven’s nest contains a raven’s chest scraped…
    Under the soul
    Ever been in a crowded room where only one person’s
    Comfortable?
    Me too…
    And that was the first time I got to sit on the couch
    They all envied, with a nickel in pouch,
    My mickle; they slouched
    Cockroach sprays to con spawns,
    But the truth’s gone wrong
    Destroying life,
    But sparing property like a neutron bomb
    Our bodies travel aboard the Decomposer…
    To the soil’s pockets
    If you’re religiously false, it means…
    The land couldn’t keep its promise
    It’s a shame to find worthless junk…
    then serve it spunk…
    Knowing there’s a scientific iceberg; your worship sunk
    But the lifeboats keep the faith,
    While the gluttonous teach the hate
    We are nothing to them…
    But complaints can’t decrease the stakes
    Come on, hurry! give me your bloody hand, we can reach the gate.
    I cry and drink myself to sleep and wake…
    To resurrect
    In the morning, where mourning is still in thin depth…
    Is it a sin to kill an insect?


  2. #2

  3. #3
    bitch.
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Indianapolis
    Age
    34
    Posts
    2,114
    Battle Record
    11-25
    The vocab was very extensive. Im intelligent myself, yet some lines took a few times of reading. The structure was different, and it had its strong points n' its weak ones. I think the structure fitted the analogies to the insects better than anything.

    "To the soil’s pockets
    If you’re religiously false, it means…
    The land couldn’t keep its promise"

    I really felt that line, very deep. The ending could of been better, if U would of finished on a stronger note than this might of been HOF material. Still very good, though, and a great read.

  4. #4
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Manhattan, NY
    Posts
    6,055
    Battle Record
    34-13
    Thanks.

    Leave links, folks.

  5. #5
    Cheap Phones Alcoholocaust's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    al roker's death cult
    Age
    39
    Posts
    9,081
    Battle Record
    5-3
    upping, ill edit with feed later.
    [YOUTUBE]XEx2T1NLsqw[/YOUTUBE]

  6. #6
    Amazing piece. From the last one I read, you stepped up immensly. The last piece was extrememly underdeveloped, it seemed like you had no sense of confidence in your words and everything was just very unbelievable. But here you just mastered everything you approached. The vocabulary, clearly was extremely intellectual, the concept followed suit on the same level as the vocab, and you even had a creative flow. Overall, great piece man, I loved it. I'm hoping to see alot more like this from you.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  7. #7
    ...
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    820
    Battle Record
    13-5
    ah I understand what you mean....this piece had a lot of emotion in a original topic that fits into modern situations...the vocab was great...and your style is amazing...I loved this piece...I felt it was really deep...and thanks for the feed on mine...I'ma take your advice...good job man

  8. #8
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Manhattan, NY
    Posts
    6,055
    Battle Record
    34-13
    Thanks to all.

  9. #9
    Banned chuck taylor.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Age
    35
    Posts
    3,570
    Battle Record
    42-21
    i liked this man, deep peice, pretty weird title tho, but i see where its going.. allthough i didnt really like the whole rhyme sceme to it, but the complexity was nice with it, and the vocab you used was good also. and you chose words nicely.. i've always been fond of the short line peices, easy to read and they seem to flow nice, as yours nice, flowed very smooth.. good peice man very good, allthough i dont think its HOF material..
    8.5/10

    pz

  10. #10
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Knoxville, Tennessee.
    Age
    38
    Posts
    5,350
    Battle Record
    1-0
    Awards WOP Champion
    Here's the shining part of this piece - you spaced your lines in a way that made the reader pause at the correct moments to intertwine your rhyme scheme the way you meant it to be. Flawless execution on that particular part alone. After that, I liked the extensive vocabulary used, but it was always familiar words that linked together to the insects. Very impressive, keep it up.

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  11. #11
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    1,851
    Battle Record
    3-0
    this was a good read...no...i take that back...this wasn't a good read it...it was great read.

    what you have here is one very skilled and extremely ill post. your vocabulary/wording was impressively positioned as too was your rhyme scheme, as it made the transition from line to line seem all but effortless. and as for your overall content....well...what can i say that you don't already know....i mean...it obvious...it was not only a unique and original topic, but it was also a dope one. your metaphores were superb, and your play on words was even better...if i didn't know any better i'd say you listened to a lot of sage francis before writting this piece...lol..but what do i know.

    anyways,

    favorite lines:

    Religion, Science, and War…
    Leaked brains, the sick, the spire
    The sequel to the steeple evolving feeble people; Beetles
    Mosquitoes flutter by Butterflies
    Committing utter cries under sties
    Eyelid's tears get stung,
    Bumble bees nearly drunk; Feeling buzzed
    Crickets steering jumps,
    Spears get flung, leers of dung
    Spies are Spiders lurking, working to…
    Determine patience
    The tender speed of Centipedes center greed for…
    Exterminations
    Ticks are tanks; stick to ranks

    ^wow....you really took advantage of the content...you didn't skip a beat when it came to playing off subject of the topic. seriously, there was a whole heep of ill as wordplay and sick fucking rhyme going on in this portion.

    alos:
    The universe will mosh and flood,
    The planet will toss the humans
    The humans will squash the bugs,

    ^i thought those were some kick ass line. it really kind of sums up the entire point.


    again:

    It’s a shame to find worthless junk…
    then serve it spunk…
    Knowing there’s a scientific iceberg; your worship sunk

    ^yeah that pretty much took the cake write there...pure excellence.


    and again:
    But complaints can’t decrease the stakes
    Come on, hurry! give me your bloody hand, we can reach the gate.

    ^that it....you killed it

    pz

  12. #12
    Banned
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    .The hands of God.
    Posts
    4,129
    Battle Record
    27-8
    wow this was a very creative piece. i liked ur imagery an distortion of vocab use. nice flow . this was a really nice piece that had a good sense of everything. i liked the picture additions also. nice n creative. most of it was really good on flow an rhymed welll. very different an good to read.the way ur lines were on point were good . nice the way u had every thing put together . alot of thought u can c was put into this piece. with good sense of everything a om need's . most people dont really have a topic like this which was interestin. nice title dat was put on this also. overall good piece an very creative.

    my first om in sig,wud b really be apreciated if u left feed.

  13. #13
    Cheap Phones Alcoholocaust's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    al roker's death cult
    Age
    39
    Posts
    9,081
    Battle Record
    5-3
    upping again
    [YOUTUBE]XEx2T1NLsqw[/YOUTUBE]

  14. #14
    El Pistolero Keyser's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    XFM
    Age
    23
    Posts
    8,780
    Battle Record
    26-5
    Good piece here lad.

    First off your vocab was very extensive as already stated, at times i thought it was to complex, but it depends at what audience you was aiming at i guess.

    I like the rhyme scheme although i found it difficult to follow at times but it more or less flowed well throughout your verse. I liked the fact that it wasnt drawn out too much, and i think the length was just about right, anything more might of ruined it, imo.

    Its not really my type of read and i did find it very extensive in all concepts. You brought the piece together really well, but i wasnt fully feeling it in all honesty.

    Keep it up though.

  15. #15
     
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Age
    32
    Posts
    4,172
    Battle Record
    1-0
    It’s a shame to find worthless junk…
    then serve it spunk…
    Knowing there’s a scientific iceberg; your worship sunk
    But the lifeboats keep the faith,
    While the gluttonous teach the hate
    We are nothing to them…
    But complaints can’t decrease the stakes
    Come on, hurry! give me your bloody hand, we can reach the gate.
    I cry and drink myself to sleep and wake…
    I liked your rhyme scheme, the way it went smoothly from line to line, no glitches. The topic probably the most original/different topic I've seen in from you. You tried a different style, and thats good because it shows diversity and advancement in the art. Your concepts and mentioning of The Great Depression was very unpredictable, but also very needed. Storyline was so unique, I would've never thought you'd drop like this in a while. I'm debating whether I should nominate this for HoF or not. Hmm . .

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Similar Threads

  1. Sin
    By Krusifiks187 in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: January 25th, 2006, 06:32 PM
  2. Sin Vs J.L
    By Sin. in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: October 20th, 2005, 01:17 PM
  3. Insect to society
    By SimonSays in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: January 11th, 2005, 04:30 PM
  4. Born to Kill vs. Kat'Z'Kill
    By Born To Kill in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: July 22nd, 2003, 12:47 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •