Seven Breaths Till Death Will Do Us Apart

[Daverick]

This cramped muscle aches, confined
in an unremitting cage, keeping
alive the soul under the decaying

layers of bitterness, lamenting over
what could have been, could well be;
what is not. Bathed in regret, love

was wasted in obliterated years past,
blinking the memory of life once
upon a time unrestrained, independent.

Can one even fathom the misery which
accompanies daily routine, unwanted
contact, often forgetful that there is

more to living, more to the world. And
we speak in broken tongues, reshaping
boundaries with my every move, afraid.

How long can we survive in this lie, how
long can we pretend nothing is wrong,
before we shatter, before it's too late.

My cramped heart is aching, tragically
emptying the self. I resign, handing you
my last 7 breaths, death will do us apart.

[Daverick]

uppin, need feedback

[7_Dropz]

I have not been into the site that much over the past few weeks and your's was the first write that I opened....... Dark poetry usually scares me............ this......... well this caused my heart to ache......... and tears to form.........

First let me comment on the structure of your write.......... the way that this is broken up adds to it......... almost as if you are breathing slowly........ 7 stanzas to match the last 7 breaths........... Powerfully impactive for me....... By the time I reached the end, I could feel the frustration and the exhaustion.....
How long can we survive in this lie, how
long can we pretend nothing is wrong,
before we shatter, before it's too late.

My cramped heart is aching, tragically
emptying the self. I resign, handing you
my last 7 breaths, death will do us apart.