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Thread: Harmony

  1. #1
    Newbie Forever's Avatar
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    Harmony

    Yes happiness is just a state of mind
    But sadness is just a waste of time
    But only if the situation is actually fine
    And it's true what they say, love is blind
    It's just too bad your eyes aren't
    Pessimist are like roaches they come out during the dark
    When's the love gonna start?
    People are scared of taking love apart
    Like it was laying in the mouth of a shark
    I'm tryna leave my mark
    Till God stops my everbeating heart
    And sprinkles it across the biterness of the streets
    Blanketing the hardships that make my people grit their teeth
    You ain't a winner when your gracious in defeat
    Don't act invincable, you burn in the heat
    In all the thoughts manifested in your mind
    The dark times don't amount to the hard times
    Funny how after doing hard time criminals let there heart shine
    So when their heart shines in let's the dark shine
    Life don't give you time to unwind
    So you gotta keep tryin
    We're in the same boat, we're all born dyin
    I just wish we were born flyin
    But it's the trials and tribulation that made you who you are
    And the fact that you were'nt born with wings is why you got this far
    It's because they're so far away is why I shoot for the stars
    Success is taking the bus to go buy you a car
    Emptyness is lonely like a solo mission to mars
    Some people find freedom, while they're trapt behind bars
    And some people want fame, to be larger then life
    But at some point they loose that, you can see it in their eyes
    It's funny how people don't even know why they're alive
    But in the end they'll do almost anything to survive
    Love, is when 2 hearts metaphysically collide
    In the ghetto it's accepted when a child gets left behind
    Lifes a race against time I have so much to accomplish
    And the things I have done ain't nothin to what'll be deomlished
    These days you cant say shit, cause most people aint honest
    And how could you not do it today, when tommorow ain't promised

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11#post4500011
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...48#post4500048
    Last edited by Forever; May 23rd, 2006 at 09:53 PM
    The teacher say they go to school just to flunk
    But some of them go to school just for lunch and thats life...


    -Lupe Fiasco

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  2. #2
    Born from Ink Spekz.'s Avatar
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    Alright you had some ok emotion in this piece, however your flow was a lil rocky in the building it seemd choppy....i think throughout the piece you lacked some complexity in ur lines such as internals,wordplay,multies etc. however you had a good basic format down..with good thoughts..just ur wording needs some complexity...however it was a heart felt piece, that can touch a heart regardless of how it is read..just cuz u get the same message out there, but the quality is a little downplayd.....not bad for a first drop on here....(i assume).... but yes you have some work!....but keep ur head up..

    favorite lines:
    These days you cant say shit, cause most people aint honest
    And how could you not do it today, when tommorow ain't promised
    ^enjoyd ur closer..cuz it makes ya think a bit
    Succeed Without Fear



    Written Voices

  3. #3
    Newbie Forever's Avatar
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    I appreacite the feedback, and yea its my first verse on this site, but ive been rapping for like 2 months so I got a couple more. And ill be looking out for some of your om's, lets get some more feedback Ill return the favor I like reading new shit...
    The teacher say they go to school just to flunk
    But some of them go to school just for lunch and thats life...


    -Lupe Fiasco

    Open Mic's

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  4. #4
    Newbie Forever's Avatar
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    Up.
    The teacher say they go to school just to flunk
    But some of them go to school just for lunch and thats life...


    -Lupe Fiasco

    Open Mic's

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    Battles

  5. #5
    Newbie Forever's Avatar
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    up.
    The teacher say they go to school just to flunk
    But some of them go to school just for lunch and thats life...


    -Lupe Fiasco

    Open Mic's

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    Battles

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