20-24 lines
List 5 topics with your check in
500 posts to vote
house rules
check in by:monday may 22
due by midnight on friday may 26
Soulstice
*~Big Nash~*
20-24 lines
List 5 topics with your check in
500 posts to vote
house rules
check in by:monday may 22
due by midnight on friday may 26
shit. should be easy ..check
Burden on my shoulders
The Bully of my Comfort
What's this Immigration?
Crying Eyes behind a Lie
Leave me where I Lay ..
^s'what it is. good luck kiddo.
shit no one told me about this
checkin......
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Burden on my shoulders
doing that^^^^
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They traversed a diverse universe of meticulous perfection
But now my creations headed in a stupid and ridiculous direction
Pessimistic infections; is this how I am indemnified for my work
Emissary defections; my work is now identified as bezerk
Highest plateau of the learned, mortals haven't been there in a while
But instead they are lead into a portal to despair and denial
Ill repair them with trials; a trip to hell and back could be the remedy
Send em to Confession. Make a peasants last chat with my emissr'y
Or take on an identity, send a second Messiah to spread the Word
Maybe kill entertainment; since elected Geisha's misled the world
. . Or instead I'll burn Earth . .
I will - destroy the sinners and visit Noah's little ancient bloodline
Tell him to create the Ark again, to change his stoic situation to a crunchtime
Perhaps ill put up a crucifix to the nations underlying sinners and traitors
Practicing sinning behavior, that'll make them stop belittling saviors
The attrition is savored, but I will break the promise I gave Noah
Earthquakes and floods to make the tectonics behave slower
Supersonic rain showers, breaching the ozone and the skin of wretches
On my command nature will leave the devote alone but distill the witches
Ill leave earth filled with riches, only the purest devotees will survive
Disturbed enemies of mine will be smite by the mighty hands of Thine
The Aphrodite's of the time, but only of the mind, will run the planet
The meek shall inherit the earth, and step above the damage
Love the chances....
The chance for pure minds to rule so Ill get perturbed slower
For I am god, and these wreteched sinners are the burden on my shoulders
24 lines
when i said aphrodite... it means beautiful... the greek god for beauty was her
*Aphrodite is prnounce af ro dyt ee
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Leave Me Where I Lay . . .
By: Nash
The truth is, i'm in a fluently ruthless state & my heads all over
thoughts poppin distraught, i feel like i barely know her
into the eyes of the bestower, i'll be sober soon . . .
i need to bleed my tears, needin' her like the sun needs noon
but it tear's my limbs away, like monsunes on harsher days
& they say today i'll stay safe in a way, but that's just play
it's gay, although i hate that word, i've thrown myself to use it
i look at the ground to see that bruised bitch. i'm a fool, shit ..
. . .the drink slides it right down my throat, the anger that is
it's her fault, that she could no longer stand this . . .
this relationship, the one i ended. one she'd pretended to love
i acted cowardly, but she was distracted ..
and death was what i was thinkin of!
so i held the gun sturdy, my feelings tossing and turning . . .
the bullet WILL be burning, but not in a sense of physical hurting
the myth's so dirty, & today, i feel i've created a bigger legend
the readers have the wrong idea, somethin' aint been mentioned
i'm feeling detentioned, i need this extention, i love her too much
but as i clutch this trigger, bigger thoughts of death becomes a grudge
& such beatings are to be kept a secret, the beating'll be slain
i want you all to leave me where i lay, and DON'T remember my name
yeah, you've found out, i'm held back, worthless, i've seen NOTHING
and to make this pain hurt less, i'll show HER that i'm doin' something
i'm not bluffin' bitch, this is some poetic shit. gonna turn to things bigger
the lonely, rejected city slicker, & she sentenced my head to the trigger
24.
vote on structure noobs, i dare ya . . .
upps #1 ..
upp #2 ..
cry, your a fucking fagget, you sucked at this shit. go back to california wit all the other gays n fags
.................................................. ...............
upps #3 ..^fuck you okay?
Ok this was a good battle.Some nice creativity from both guys.I think Soul came out a little bit on top in this battle.His wording was very impressive and imagery was very good.Structure worked and helped the flow run along nicely.Cry I have seen you do about 10 times better than what you have displayed.I wasn't really feeling this piece from you at all.It kind of dragged on and on and in the end it bored me.I usually love your stuff but you did not show you usual skill here.I do not think you were as creative as Soul was and I think Soul's piece held my attentio more and kept me interested.No hate at all....just how I feel.
v//Soultice
Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
So far so good.....
So far so good.....
So far so good.....
But how you fall doesn't matter
Its how you land
I read both, and I realized a few differences between them. first of all. soulstices piece kept me in the world that consisted of his words. only once did I have to stop and re-read. In Nash's piece, I had to stop more then a few times. I think both pieces flowed nicely, but Soulstices flowed better obviously cuz nash's was choppy, but still good. Structure.. I liked both structures. neither really had a problem with structure. Soulstice had nice multis laced in ther, which is always a plus in your drops. Nash, this wasnt as good as I have seen you do. you need to work on your wording and your multis could be at least a tiny bit better. Vote Soulstice
Please leave an honest vote in the battle in my sig. Thank you.
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number one............................................... ..................................
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two.....................
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Soul-nice shit the imagery was nice the vocab was excellent everything flowed perfectly it was jus tight as fuck also structure was good too.
Cry-also nice shit vocab excellent flow was beauiful and structure was tight too but the thing that lost it for you was the imagery i culdnt really picture your hole verse..
\/-soul
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