Poemicoriginate ft. The Abstanti Collective

[Atti]

Bold - Legendz
Verse One - Self Portrait
Verse Two - Mindless

I've flashed
ignored inuendos of insanity
on deaf ears
for centuries of seconds
broadcasting from planets in my mind
plotting to circumcise
the industrial cock of this world
and force it to bow
to primitive society
i've attempted to deny
that i am subjugate to
mass communication
whips brandishing through
my television set's
500 channels of death

Divided we dance, left hand seats
it's oppositions along the right
breast of a wrong sided chest.
Let the led burn in the footsteps
of one's past patterns as ferns
scream while the aisles squirm
in the church books bleeding smiles.
Fell awake in the ashtray,
mistaken for a wishing well...
Boy in the soap has developed;
broke his arm to make a funnel,
screams that last call for all
of conformity to come see...
Before he creates his bubble.
In the right wing flock the odd,
grow feet to gather sight's sought;
Bond the old's tears through cold fusion
as the rope holds the throats...
..... Of old notes to new music.

to insubordinates
i've screamed in trapped halls
in attempt to give up my soul
and failed
i've tiptoed stairways to heaven
and slithered seventeen steps from hell
i've watched angels and devils
floating in bubbles from prophets' lips
i've watched them burst
and shatter the notions
i've sat on porches of intellect for hours
to define existence
when apathy reigned

Dismantle what's branded substantial
because it's evident their financial
man-handling left us unarmed/cripled.
It's alarming... hanging on clocks
like the gears came off the chain.
Corresponding behind stained glass
I clawed at the colors and called
fraud when everyone else stood
to applaud emcees who died their
hair blonde. It's a broad claim to
say you'll betray yourself for the
fame then parade these streets
like you stayed true to the game.
But this studio booth is sound proof
and I can't hear what the outside
world is speaking so I record "truth"
ignoring their toothless grins with fog
imprints covering my itunes screen.

i've walked through
frightened clouds before dusk
and sat looming in the black sky
of no stars and no innocence
and did not fear for
capture would be
my great escape
i dreamt of forgiving myself
for it's shackles
flying away to freedom
diminishing my shouts
to a whisper
among the winds of aftermath
I did not change
so now i begin
to
be again

Abst.Co

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290085
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290086

[Twixn...]

oooo.

-edit later im at work-

[Atti]

Lol you lame ass, just reply now

[Young Skillz]

Wow..nice collab guys really feeling this.....
topic was interesting and pretty creative..
vocab and complexity in the verses was good
rhymes and multies were good overall too....
Flow was nice and smooth...good job guys overall

[soulstice.]

this as a pretty nice piece, good flow thorughout, and there was a pretty poetic touch in the verses, legendz verse had mad crazy poetry and the metaphors were dope.. he had pretty nice vocabulary as well.. atticus had some pretty nice metaphors as well, very poetic, and god vocab./flow.. structure was nice too, mind had nice flow and the way you all evened out your bars was tight.. mindless's had good vocab and inners, too

overall good piece.. hit up,

techincolor angel
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...25#post4431525

[QaaHolic]

this was great

[Atti]

That's really weak man.

[Atti]

Bump.

[P. Mortuus]

This was a good piece, i liked the layout as it made it seem as if Atticus's part was like a person talking from the left side, it's wierd but the structure made it sound like that aswell as look like it...or maybe it's just me idk...but yeah the vocabulary was good, not great i have seen better but it was good...the explicites in parts were aptly put as they didn't make the verse sound brash. Atticus's unique style of talkin through means of imagery was clearly evident in his verse and yeah it was very good, the bible line was the most eye-catching, but the rest of the verse was aslo excellent, very poetic. Legendz i see you will quickly and easily establish a reputation of a good writer as i believe you have put in effort and created a certain uniqueness in your writing which has been praised by many heads...and i believe that you deserve praise for trying to carry on to not let your standard fall. However, i still believe that your like a diamond form the dirt, meaning you need further cleansing to stop the rawness and bring sophistication. You were basically the foundaiotn/ backbone of this OM and a strong one at that. Mindless had the most flowing verse in my opinion as his multiples, inners enhanced his rhytmic standadr in his verse a lot and aided in making the om even more enjoyable. Mindless i reckon that you should include more imagery in your verse, but other than that your verse was very good also....hoever, when taking my pointer do understand it's only my point of view and others prefer different things.

Overall, an enjoyable experince...good OM and a great start for the collective. WEll done....took me a while to drop the comments cause i had other educational stuff going on....keep it up all y'all.

[Facts Machine]

You all came well, this piece was dope and very poetic with crazy analogies in a way. and i liked what it was about and how u used the concept. Some parts felt like ya'll weren't rhyming so it felt much more like a poem than a hip-hop verse.

Oh yeah, about my piece "I'm supposed to be a king".. i understand how u thought the mood of it should have been consistent, but thruout the whole verse i'm pretty pissed off... it's meant to be deep raw hip-hop, the crusty lips shit was just the truth and what i used to go thru nah mean, i get detailed when i say personal shit in my music with a touch of poeticness... so yeah i dunno about u, but i find the whole piece to be on the same mood.

[Atti]

"Crusty" is a rather blunt term to be placed on a backdrop of much more poetic and light hearted lines. It stood out to much, being as it was overtly harsh for the rest of the material. Chapped or, parched would have suited it more appropriately.

[Facts Machine]

but crusty rhymed with it better lol. plus it was the word most commonly used when folks used it from my experience.

[Ea$y]

But this studio booth is sound proof
and I can't hear what the outside
world is speaking so I record "truth"
ignoring their toothless grins with fog
imprints covering my itunes screen.

Wow.

nice piece, and Self Portrait had some nice wordplay in the beginning of the verse.

[Atti]

Thanks for the feedback.

[NiNjah Red]

uhm...ok

format was good looking.in a poetic sense ,,,,,
not much of a rap tho, better suited to PS, b w/e
from planets in my mind
plotting to circumcise
the industrial cock of this world


nice terminoly/phrasing, most of the 1st verse diddnt rhyme much tho.........


tic had some good imagery ideas, and displayed sum good poetry, lacked in rap flow b had rythym and diction..... not a rap tho., I LIKE RAP! more than poetry tho sa;ll connected. theres a difference ,,,,,,,,,,,,n i wouldnt call that a rap rhyme sceme . more a poetic assortment with a few rhymes in ............


some iinterersting wordplays appeared which gave it some entertaining points far as im concerned.
for me i wiukda said more rhymes , and some , more explicit content to liven it up sons

pz1