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Thread: When it All Falls Down

  1. #1
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    When it All Falls Down

    When it All Falls Down

    "i watch out my window as the noon bell rings
    it stings my ears with memory of hustling out the door.
    addressing the flag with a sudden motion to the head
    met with dead only threw family members age or sickness
    told to beat this and feed this country into subtle bliss
    questioning every lesson and moral I've learned
    metal earned... messed with Nemesis's and Friends no mental burns
    i had no idea what i would see...
    to some ignorance is simply key"


    sentimentally rise
    cries of the innocent ring in demise
    guns shatter, deceive the simpletons decently laid out path
    shatter and trash life's math divides many and joins others to kill
    practiced only preaching so arm chair activists can gloat
    while the souls tend to float until caught in the web of misconception
    repp'n thrill set lifestyles burn a hole in emotion and soul
    control over vast population blurs the common goal
    virtues thrown into the fog of war, arguments aimed at next door
    rape victims flee from civil troop disorder emotions left sore
    stereophonic waves carring bomb threats even far north
    and dropping locations, lucifers cry is outraged and set forth
    birds are turned to steel, while the suite and ties sip tonic
    and almost electronic war wheel turns slowly
    in deaths skeletons hand pulling direction
    a section of soul sanctum is rumbled to satisfaction
    when it all falls down... this.. our nation...contrary to popular vote
    never seems to leave on a good note

    "A bullet bit my side...
    the nightmare some consider a joyride ended not too badly..
    my July was spent resting and crutching around... once clutching memories, fade
    its debated that i was told too much, but they disregarded info as jaded
    the kins folded arms took fold and court room whispers dissipated"


    "i know whatt some people have seen and done
    but hey!...Training camp never really was fun"
    "I've served for nothing other than what i "thought" was right...
    not by the the gun,blade or fist... but by this streets street lamp glow
    our life is might."





    -The conflict between the very natures of our own angels...
    should never leave the world torn
    Last edited by Twixn...; March 31st, 2006 at 06:53 AM
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  2. #2
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Last edited by Twixn...; March 31st, 2006 at 10:45 AM
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  3. #3
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    dope piece man i loved dat 1 i actually read it a second time seems like it was very well thought and carried out u had some nice vocab to, not to large in which you cant understand cuz it fucks up the read but you had nice use of some more elaborate words overral good piece

  4. #4
    very well written and has great vision and description

    that's my favorite part

    while the souls tend to float until caught in the web of misconception
    repp'n thrill set lifestyles burn a hole in emotion and soul
    control over vast population blurs the common goal

  5. #5
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    thanks

    up.
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  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    I enjoyed reading this piece and the use of vocab added to the complexity, i liked the contect and the philosiphic thought behind the piece, however the rhyme schem did a sudden change right at the beginning which put the flow off but the flow came back on track pretty well, overall tis a good piece, keep it up
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  7. #7
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    a day.
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  8. #8
    Killa_King
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    Favorite lines right here to me I just thought they was tight:
    in deaths skeletons hand pulling direction
    a section of soul sanctum is rumbled to satisfaction
    when it all falls down... this.. our nation...contrary to popular vote
    never seems to leave on a good note
    Good shit right here nice job
    First of all complexity was off the charts
    Deep strong Meta's,Structure was nice
    Nice line right here wit the multi's:
    not by the the gun,blade or fist... but by this streets street lamp glow
    our life is might."
    Flow was on point,Vocab was intelligent
    Wordplay was creative,The whole piece vivid imagery
    Nice OM look forward to seeing more like this
    Stay up ,Keep spittin 100

  9. #9
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    eh eh.

    much Love.
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  10. #10
    as in your previous piece, nice emotion here too, vocabs even on a higher level, nice complexity too. ur really bringing out some deep thoughts and some very nice metaphores. ur shit is real deep man, thats good. keep it up i like reading this

  11. #11
    The Beat Of Philly QaaHolic's Avatar
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    yo good writting just like the first joint hot and great flow
    Wicked Wicked Wicked


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  12. #12
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Re: When it All Falls Down

    wow...

    i was dope at one point :P
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  13. #13
    Cheap Phones Alcoholocaust's Avatar
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    Re: When it All Falls Down

    "guns shatter, deceive the simpletons decently laid out path"
    "practiced only preaching so arm chair activists can gloat"
    "when it all falls down... this.. our nation...contrary to popular vote"

    awesome, there's some marrow in this piece, and a lot of it comes from subtleties.
    you fucking cynic you.
    the tone is so bleak, yet the only bleakness coming from the reality of the situation
    work with what you got, right? great vocab, you took this on an intelligent path without meandering or rambling on some redundant bullshit and i thought it was a good solid scribble from you. ooooonly thing i would have tweaked was the word choice of "deceive" on the line i cited, but i know what you were essentially saying, and the overall message of the dichotomy of good/evil intentions was profound. pzzzzzzzzz.
    [YOUTUBE]XEx2T1NLsqw[/YOUTUBE]

  14. #14
    ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ Taz™'s Avatar
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    Re: When it All Falls Down

    hello there ,

    this was good read overall ,
    all tho i did find the flow to be ackward at some points,
    due maybe to the rhyme scheme , how you switched at some point
    where some lines got hooked , (if you get what i mean) eh, and well considering the use of vocabulary, sometimes maybe you should
    choose less big words rather than sacrificing flow ,
    just my 2 cents

    reading thru your piece over again might help , anyhoo

    other aspects dope , vocabulary you have one huge selection of words!
    how the whole thing was thought out, your point of view,
    ---> painting in terms of text - niceness

    deep!
    keep up1



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