The Vulnerability of the Invincible

[Glory]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=279029
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=278692

The Vulnerability of the Invincible

This man invented a legend, beyond the bounds of reality
Sought thoughts to concoct dots that connected a gallery
Each dot represented, an edge stretched by patient palms
The very place that he fought strong to birth a nation on
Invasions spawned, uniting prongs of unknown masses
Capsizing empires like fire with an uncontrolled passion
So drastic, he evoked panic within the hearts of jealousy
By unearthing diversity like no man could then believe
Ascending seas, bequeathing crowns became countless
Conquering known land with no brand to his prowess
He defined immortality, being the one who lacked flaws
Beseeching each feat with defeat, never to slack off
No man ever saw, the kind of paradise in the eyes of his
When they saw lightin’ hit, it was nothin’ but risin’ fist

This guy was sick, and most nations could not bear it
He bore war after war, yet lacked the soft spot to perish
With bare wit it took seconds with knuckles of flared fist
To paint himself the portrait, of the kingdom he cherished
With land marks this man marked the dots to his liking
Empty of plans to reprimand his strikes to subside slightly
His life was fighting, nothin’ more to being a king then
Until immunity lifted and reality had a chance to sink in
No one could harm his army, but the unexpected happened
He caught a type of cold that no doctor then could manage
From his own havoc and panic, now drownin’ his ascent
With the glory of his growth, to his ‘cold’ and bitter end
He spent many years a conqueror, the times he boast might
But no longer was he invincible, in the shine of most eyes

He was a giant in cement, too Great to be followed after
Yet a microscopic virus, brought upon the fall of Alexander

[true_talent]

yo this piece was fuckin good i like the topic, your wording was really good nice vocabulary, the shit was just hot.good structure but in over all this was a 10.keep postin.plz.lol
peace

[M-A-D]

it wa sok i thought it could of had better punches 5

[The Absolution]

this was an ill piece, man, great ovcabulary lovely detail and everything...... excellent piece IMO, the imagery was on point and the stroyline and ther teiwt at the end were great.... th rhyems all seemed a little forced though, so it made the first couple bars flow a little chopily'...... but still, this was an ill ass piece, keep droppin hotness

[Bounce]

Dope topic man, and I think you did it justice. This was a nice read and I enjoyed the way you went about this. It;s nice to read some good stuff grounded in history, that does not come off as forced or ignorant. You always have the basics down and give the reader some nice fluid reads. Nice way to end it, overall this was real good. The only thing I would suggest is transitional rhyme schemes sprinkled about.

[The Poet]

I really enjoyed this one here man. This is the first Ive read from you and it left me in awe. I havnt seen much from anyone in the OpenMic forum yet, with the exception of some. But this definatly is one of the top. The way you approached the topic was exquiset, honestly. And the topic was very nice as well, not played, nor could alot write about this sort of thing with such accomplishment. Overall, a really good peice. But like Bounce said, work on your rhyme shceme a bit and your next peice could possibly blow this one away. Keep it up.

Please return the favor on one of my own peices:

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=279120

[Plain-Thug]

Very Nice Drop.....The topic was mad different and mad creative and this was a good read overall....rhymes were very good..nice and complex....imagery and vocab was nice...flow was smooth..multies were good as well..overall this was a sick peice...keep it up..

[grim.reap]

very nice drop good peice good vocab good flow good structure

[Glory]

thanks everyone, for the replies, i appreciate it.

[bank]

some nice vocabulary up there man.... you stayed on topic.. i liked this peice alot... keep this up....

[Glory]

thanks bro. appreciate it.

[Glory]

uppin this.

[Paramik]

Nice Drop. The title seemed interesting to I decided to see it. Pretty good peice I like the flow of it. It was interesting and took me in throughout the topic. I especially liked the last bar. Gave a lot of influence in your verse. Liekd how it was in 3rd person which gives it a better view of emotion put into it. The imagery was pretty good just probably not what I expected but it was in a good type of way.
So overall great peice. Nice to read a good drop from someone at times.
8.3/10
Feedback on some of my open mics.

A Mind Of Ambiguous Perceptions
^ feedback plz

[Glory]

thanks. i appreciate it. i'll hit that up a.s.a.p.

[Glory]

uppin' this once more.