Wastelands Of Endless Dreams

**Paramik** · February 15th, 2006, 08:07 PM

same shit as my other edit

**Paramik** · February 15th, 2006, 08:10 PM

Feedback links
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=272123
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=271537

Please feedback..

**justrude** · February 15th, 2006, 08:13 PM

good worplay, good structure, an overall a good piece........holla!

**Westcoastthuggin** · February 15th, 2006, 08:29 PM

Its a good drop.You had a good structure and a good flow.Also you had good vocab and wordplay and the topic was good.9/10

**Paramik** · February 15th, 2006, 09:48 PM

Upping Plz feedback I'l do the same with yours.

***Lady_Latin*** · February 15th, 2006, 09:52 PM

i liked ur topic cuz it was diff from wat everybody else drops...props on dat
i liked ur structure cuz it was ez 2 read & understand where u was goin with it
the flo was tyte & i really liked ur title...i wasn't sure wat i was gonna b readin @ 1st
id say stick 2 these kinds of deeper topics rather than jus spittn random shit--keep it up. 1
-LL

**P. Mortuus** · February 16th, 2006, 01:10 PM

the structure and presentation was excellent. The flow was good and i enjoyed the use of a broad range of vocabulary, the title again was enticing and the ending was like a twist. I hadn't thought it'll end as such. Therefore, i believe this was a successful attempt at doing topicals, as it kept me entranced till the very end. Good job keep it poppin'

**Paramik** · February 16th, 2006, 05:16 PM

kk thnx...
Upping 1

**B.I.Detained.** · February 16th, 2006, 08:09 PM

Aight, lets start with the positives of your piece, man. Which is that you had the right idea all the way through. You attempted multi's, and tried bringing in a bit of complex vocab' to help strengthen your piece. These are good traits to have for a writer and you are learning, but you need to work into making a piece like this into .. a CONSTANT story. Rather than having random lines fitting together full of vocab' and multi's. You need to create a picture of where you going. The reader needs to visualize what you are writing about. Because at the moment you are making some people confused. To have a twist at the end is to create an atnosphere, then cut it with your twist, but there was no atnosphere set, so I couldn't really feel any twist. Keep writing, man. I've reda a few of your pieces and you are improving. Start reading more pieces from people like N-Demik, Jekyll and Camarac. They'll help you get moving.

-Brix.

**mc pyro.** · February 16th, 2006, 08:12 PM

good topic great vocab also wit the flow and wordplay cant really say anythin bad good job wit this
leave feed on my om what you make it

**-IsIs-** · February 16th, 2006, 08:14 PM

yo man this was pretty good. the flow was tight. the imagery made me wanna keep reading. lots you still need to elevate on but you got some mad potential in my eyes. keep droppin b. overall this was just minorly above average piece. peep my battle in my sig fairly.

-Peace

***Young Philly*** · February 16th, 2006, 08:17 PM

this was Real good
i was feelin this alot, alot
Good Wordplay it was flawless
Perfect Flow, EveryThing was good
I didnt want it end,
Just work on making it a lil longer
stay up- ~1~

**Paramik** · February 16th, 2006, 09:20 PM

K Brix I got what you say.... Yeah i've been reading some OM's that the Vets dropping trying to see how they grab the reader into reading the OM.
I read Casket Closure it was pretty good.