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Thread: A Ever Lasting Kiss.

  1. February 13th, 2006, 09:37 PM #1
    topher
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    A Ever Lasting Kiss.

    The Ever Lasting Kiss.


    Waking up from the ground,a sound of relief that came bound
    Lying around a bunch of bricks,that would mark where i was found
    Upon opening my eyes,your lips touched mine,elevating my mind
    Your kiss lies the taste of youth,bringing my life right on time
    When the time was right,i looked for ship that kept us tight
    Buried inside a rubble of bricks,and you being the light to my life
    Those vast moments came to my thoughts,as they would not rot
    Your kiss locked onto my own,and your love fell like boulders and rocks
    .....
    Realizing I've day dreamed off,my body still walking into the road
    My mind telling me to hault and hold,but the words saying "Go" stay bold
    And just than...Out of no where a truck comes flying into my back
    On the ground wondering "What the fuck...",and if my body was still intact
    My eyes blacked out into a mist,and my hand grew soft out of a fist
    My wrists slowly stop working,as if they were being halfed like a schist
    Eye lids appeared closed,yet i felt as if i could see everything fast
    Lights,flashes,and a picture of a casket,passes inside me like a blast
    I slowly feel dizzy,from the impact,and my mind still taking attacks
    A train slowly stops from behind my back,while my heart's on track
    Footsteps start to come towards my only and last left breaths
    Hovering over me a women,whispering her most kept secret
    Not knowing what this is,i listen in,and i feel something is amiss
    A feeling of bliss starts reminicing,from a soft pedal like kiss
    Eyes opening wide,my eyes locked,into the same person twice
    A cool breeze sweeps me off my feet,and my cheek feeling like ice
    Turning around fully,i take a gaze,and in astonishment i see
    In my own place...The woman who saved me,rests on the ground quietly


    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=272033
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...06#post3964906
    Last edited by topher; February 13th, 2006 at 09:44 PM
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  2. February 13th, 2006, 09:45 PM #2
    A.O.D
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    *blinks* wow, that was really really really good, the imagery was amazing... *is lost for words* *reads it again* Good work! Wish I could give you more feedback, but ehh.. none is really needed.
    I'm not back...I'm simply bored out of my mind.
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  3. February 13th, 2006, 10:04 PM #3
    GrimmyReaps
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    Dang dawg that end was surprising...you tricked me, that girl musta really loved that dude or hade just a huge heart it was a good om you hade good vocab, structure, flow all of it it was a great peice
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  4. February 13th, 2006, 10:27 PM #4
    §ynic
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    thas some CRAZZZZZZZZY shit homie, i dead ass was feelin tha scheme and tha whole story line......but tha closure brought out tha best of this key, also tha imagery was bananas, 10/10 and thas real


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    ..FUCK YOU........GET PAID........FUCK ME?........GET LAID..


    .............DA FUCK DOWN!
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  5. February 13th, 2006, 11:54 PM #5
    ***Lady_Latin***
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    dat drop was hot! i'm really mpressed wit ur imagery & the end kinda surprised me cuz it def wasn't what any1 was xpectin--got me?
    well, keep postin cuz i think u got dis on lock--1
    -LL
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  6. February 14th, 2006, 03:45 PM #6
    topher
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  7. February 14th, 2006, 04:11 PM #7
    Tactics.
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    Nice piece in the beggining your started good but near the middle your flow fell off just a bit imagery was dope but lines where sort of strecthed and flow was choppy but i liked the topic you styed on topic next time add multies and it would be better overall i give this a 8/10 good job
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  8. February 14th, 2006, 08:58 PM #8
    topher
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    I leave feed on some so called vets and Even THEY dont leave feed.
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  9. February 14th, 2006, 09:00 PM #9
    J.Christ
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    stop crying .
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  10. February 15th, 2006, 03:43 PM #10
    topher
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    Up.
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  11. February 16th, 2006, 03:26 PM #11
    topher
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    *Fart.*
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  12. February 16th, 2006, 04:16 PM #12
    lady_Desiree
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    dammm this was some hot shit you had some tight vocab goin in this shit the topic was so real but unimaginable at the same time & thats what made this shit hot and you had a good flow to this shit which brought this shit out even better
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