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Thread: Break Up

  1. #1
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Break Up

    Break up

    he took walks, eyes scared in a seemingly quiet neighbourhood
    the cover of his windbreaker coat held tight, mind misunderstood
    he could and should be able to excel, but life took unexpected curves
    embedded in his head, an unopened book, torn up nerves
    reserves all flooded, hes left with no choices yet has freedom
    the sum of everyday comes to meeting eyes, unforgotten lies
    his country sensationalizes, murder and both hit demise
    no disguise, he sighs for family's ripped apart by the steady bullet shower
    devoured children, men and women alike now who's here to empower
    he watches as the freedom around him fades into a battle field
    he picks at each non-existent wound as if they never healed

    "what did i fight for?
    who would i die for?
    my president?
    circumvent and end up living in a tent
    this is the present and all i see is terror
    this nations final steps into a polluted error
    accomplishments seems to represent nothing more than hatred
    i resent the fact that i had to react with aggression no sleep lying in bed
    led wedged in my wife beside me, i feel nothing, non-physical
    take my girl to school and see nothing more than a ripped up face and doll
    fragments of my good heart are starting to fade to black woven call
    consciences starting to break up i stare unwillingly at the wall"
    READ MORE

  2. #2
     
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    Quote Originally Posted by Twixn...
    Break up

    he took walks, eyes scared in a seemingly quiet neighbourhood
    the cover of his windbreaker coat held tight, mind misunderstood
    he could and should be able to excel, but life took unexpected curves
    embedded in his head, an unopened book, torn up nerves
    reserves all flooded, hes left with no choices yet has freedom
    the sum of everyday comes to meeting eyes, unforgotten lies
    his country sensationalizes, murder and both hit demise
    no disguise, he sighs for family's ripped apart by the steady bullet shower
    devoured children, men and women alike now who's here to empower
    he watches as the freedom around him fades into a battle field
    he picks at each non-existent wound as if they never healed

    "what did i fight for?
    who would i die for?
    my president?
    circumvent and end up living in a tent
    this is the present and all i see is terror
    this nations final steps into a polluted error
    accomplishments seems to represent nothing more than hatred
    i resent the fact that i had to react with aggression no sleep lying in bed
    led wedged in my wife beside me, i feel nothing, non-physical
    take my girl to school and see nothing more than a ripped up face and doll
    fragments of my good heart are starting to fade to black woven call
    consciences starting to break up i stare unwillingly at the wall"
    aint this what u used in ya battle against code red???

    why u using it over

  3. #3
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 8LiVeS
    aint this what u used in ya battle against code red???

    why u using it over
    im just putting it in open mic... its a topical... so therefore its an open mic... its not like im reusing it in another battle... its cool man...

    the feed in FL sucks.
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  4. #4
    old york
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    Liked how you executed the concept off.This piece was ok,yet this was from a battle in Fl,so expectations should always be like that.I like how you made the man an un opnee dbook.From there i think he's someone who wasnt a person who couldnt be understood,and than you had the freedom and war shit,so i basically understoood the whole thing.Your vocab was ok,but pretty coool.I like the choice of vocab because you made it an easy read,but with an ok imagery and good emotion.I also enjoyed the the middle part,because that's where more multies started to appear.

    Over all ok piece.

    Please leave feed on "Becoming the Devil."
    hurterrybody.

  5. #5
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    yeah complex words baffle FL. hah
    READ MORE

  6. #6
    G.Lord
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    humm read this shit before but i will still say beautiful piece that was written i was loving the who concept when i first read it i read it again just now it was pretty brillant work from yoy Twix been a while since i seen somthen from you that was really hot ya know good job man hit up my link bro

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=271726

  7. #7
    K.T: The Assassin ~ladie_streetz~'s Avatar
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    Awards 75+ Wins
    this the same verse i saw in your battle twix but like i said be4 this shit was hot i liked the flow and the way you expressed your view of the topic
    THE FAMILY.

  8. #8
    dreadedfistofthenorthwest
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    I liked this piece. very visionary. the flow was the phattest. you showed some crazy description. and the vocab grab was pretty intense. the structure was alittle wobbly but you made up for it in every other aspect of this om. the topic chosin was well thought out. very original. overall I will give you a 8/10, very little you have to improve on to make this dope. keep droppin got my eye on your work.

    -Peace.
    The R.
    -The Illest Ever Kid-

  9. #9
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    up two links tommorow.
    READ MORE

  10. #10
    old york
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    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...09#post3953009

    There's the link if you dont want to search.
    hurterrybody.

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