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Thread: Story of A Mass Murderer

  1. #1
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    Story of A Mass Murderer

    Prologue To Death
    Pages torn from a psychotic mind striking with un4gotten signs
    a sinister figure commiting idiotic crimes dwelling in rotten times
    born slightly disfigured hence his disturbing path of the towns menace
    growing relentles soon 2 be drawn 2 his depiction of his bound sentence
    .
    .
    .
    Chapter 1- A Killer Is Born
    raised abused witnessing wrongs;only to know them as right
    soft sould boy leatherd from fright;held captive from sight
    hostile environment parents deviling the chapters of humanity
    reading the world as evil dwelling on their laughter of insanity
    swelling with monsterous rage living up to that blood staind page
    stayd the same til a day came where even his parents became afraid

    Chapter 2 - Takes Control
    Became Stronger a monster of a man raging of freakish torment
    devilish omen soon to represent his indent on societies dissent
    veins cold death lurked his eyes speaking of putting pain to all
    his parents acted quick afraid for there lives;left chained to the wall
    basking in the damp basement mentally he grew even more possessed
    mind obsessed with death; he surged from the chained wall of arrest
    still the chains remained attached he demolished his parents door
    waking them up so they would scream; left ripped to pieces on the floor
    if only the town knew havoc would be flooding the streets at any minute
    grabbd the most tangld weapon,he erupted from his house of imprisonment

    Chapter 3 - Mass Murder
    Lurking in night shadows stalking his prey;enthuisastic to haunt the night
    seeks the helpless,sneaking into houses,people scream at his sight
    SLASHING at there body leaving them torn and mangled to bits
    cops investigate his crime seens only to see bodies tangle as shit
    memories of his parents death make him awake a sleeper
    waits for there eyes to open to stab them screams grow deeper
    killing everynight nobody was safe,the mayor gathered the town around
    in a rampage they marched to his house, and burnt it to the ground
    a year went by w/oa trace,most believed the sadistic murder was dead
    until that very day were he walkd the streets carrying the mayors head
    ......

  2. #2

  3. #3
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    **blah blah blah...FB IS WANTED...blah blah blah**

  4. #4
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    *kicks entire OM forum in the nuts*

    runs

    *screaming LEAVE FB*

  5. #5
    J.Christ
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    Pages torn from a psychotic mind striking with un4gotten signs
    a sinister figure commiting idiotic crimes dwelling in rotten times
    born slightly disfigured hence his disturbing path of the towns menace
    growing relentles soon 2 be drawn 2 his depiction of his bound sentence
    That was ok, not really what i be feelin doe .

    veins cold death lurked his eyes speaking of putting pain to all
    his parents acted quick afraid for there lives;left chained to the wall
    basking in the damp basement mentally he grew even more possessed
    mind obsessed with death; he surged from the chained wall of arrest
    Nice, that wordplay was aiight . And the imagery is outstanding . Begining was trash .
    But i stayed focus on the rest of the verses. The whole piece get's 2 thumbs up .
    Most defenitely

    *kicks entire OM forum in the nuts*

    runs

    *screaming LEAVE FB*
    Hope that's a female . If not fag

    .
    Last edited by J.Christ; January 30th, 2006 at 09:12 PM

  6. #6
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    lol..GOT UR ATTENTION DIDNT I!

    WORD!

    thanx 4 the feedback..

    lil blah at sayin my beginning was trash..but thats ok!

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! krich5's Avatar
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    i read this in front lines and i thought it was sick, i was feelin it keep it up

  8. #8
    too good to be true
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    This piece was really good. I liked the vocab in this, dope. The multies were what really impresses me here. You rhymed with more then one sylabol in almost every line, thats a great job. The topic was good too. The story was nice. Keep it up, I enjoyed the read.

  9. #9
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    Thanx 4 all the FB...


    upping

  10. #10
    NuM-WuN
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    i liked this piece alot...very deep imaginative and dark..which is what i really enjoy in an OM..i liked your twist at the end with the mayor's head because it leaves the reader in awe with what happened to the killer after he was found holding it..anyways as for your flow, it was on point, structure helped me keep the flow smooth..your rhyme scheme was really nice with inner/outer rhyming..emotion was felt, your vocab was above par..your imagery was outstanding, one of the strongest aspects of this..overall this was a very creative piece Speks, keep writing (hope to see more chapters added on eventually, i'd definitely read it)...oNE

    mind returning some feed if you will? http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=268442

  11. #11
    This piece was really good. I liked the vocab in this, dope. The multies were what really impresses me here. You rhymed with more then one sylabol in almost every line, thats a great job. The topic was good too. The story was nice. Keep it up, I enjoyed the read.

  12. #12
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    Num thanx 4 the feed, and i never thought of adding more chapters....THANX 4 THE IDEA! ..

    Lyrical..thanx 4 the fb

  13. #13
    J.Christ
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    Is this nigga lyracistkill@ copy n pastin otha niggas feedbacc on everybody shit? . Or it must be the flames im smokin .

  14. #14
    eny body on this line need help im new n about

  15. #15
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    j christ ur right..that is exactly what he doin

    and ghost dont freepost

    THANK YOU

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