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Thread: Sorry for my selfish love.

  1. January 28th, 2006, 09:12 AM #1
    Mafioso.
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    Sorry for my selfish love.

    Selfish Love.
    Doesnt matter what you think cause ur mind I'm starting to hate.
    bad socialsm, we argue N' yell more than we conversate.
    improper love why can't we just live easy N' understand.
    hold hands. kiss in public just be happy N' laugh everytime we can.
    .
    .
    tears drop on her chest slowly, shirt rinckles up, lips tremble.
    crys unfinished, tears get thicker, body shakes as we resemble.
    she grabs my thoughts then use them against me like a weapon.
    ear drum's tickle as I hear her heart pound every other secound.
    wimps N' weaknisses come out of her, N' secrets start to release.
    tells me her fears no arguments or accusements finally its peace.
    conversation's continues as our love and thought's deeping.
    hug her tighter grip hardens as her voice cracks N' she weakens.
    as minutes N' time past I again cross into her heart's path.
    finally tears fall away, regain's her voice as we start to kiss N' laugh.
    .
    .
    baby I didn't know your problems didn't know whats above.
    N' I'm sorry I'm wondering if you can forgive me 4 my selfish love.


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  2. January 28th, 2006, 09:14 AM #2
    Mafioso.
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    1st I'm evil king
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=264767
    2cd
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...06#post3872306
    Last edited by Mafioso.; January 28th, 2006 at 06:18 PM
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  3. January 28th, 2006, 10:00 AM #3
    evil king
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  4. January 28th, 2006, 10:07 AM #4
    big j da fat boy
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    yo this was aight. it had some good imagery an it flowed pretty good. it had some vocab. but just keep doin ya thang an you need to make it longer it would've been better an i could've gave you more feed than i did. just keep doin it dawg. peace out

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  5. January 28th, 2006, 12:16 PM #5
    NumeroUno
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    Wow....That was really really good man. It really hit home, I mean I think everyone who has a girlfriend should read this. Nice imagery, very nice flow. I liked everything about it bro. Good job.
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  6. January 28th, 2006, 12:39 PM #6
    EyeCandy
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    nah fa real i was deffo feelin dis ish, good imagery good use of vocab it was kinda short stil but i'd deffo wana read more shiit from u... 9/10 gud shiit man keep at it...1
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  7. January 28th, 2006, 01:40 PM #7
    evil king
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  8. January 28th, 2006, 01:42 PM #8
    fire_gurl
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    Quote Originally Posted by LAYDEEE SNYPAH
    nah fa real i was deffo feelin dis ish, good imagery good use of vocab it was kinda short stil but i'd deffo wana read more shiit from u... 9/10 gud shiit man keep at it...1

    im feeling that shit, it was from the heart something all these boys need to cinfess up to nice 10 out of 10 4 real no bull ish.
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  9. January 28th, 2006, 04:27 PM #9
    Mafioso.
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  10. January 28th, 2006, 05:41 PM #10
    Hiatus
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    it's an okay piece , short but to the point,
    its iight, some wat some emotion,
    vocab was o.k but lines were kind of strecthed.
    but overall an iight piece.
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  11. January 28th, 2006, 05:59 PM #11
    Johnny 6-feet
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    First link wasn't decent feedback. Please put in a link with more than a line and a couple of words or this gets closed, thanks.

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  12. January 28th, 2006, 06:14 PM #12
    evil king
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    okay johnny.
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  13. January 28th, 2006, 07:12 PM #13
    Gurbil
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    I liked it it was tight.The opening line really kept me reading,but i dont really get why it was called my selfish love but i liked it keep it up.
    Last edited by Gurbil; January 28th, 2006 at 07:14 PM Reason: crap feedback
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  14. January 28th, 2006, 08:21 PM #14
    Mafioso.
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    uppin. N' thanks
    The words I write are oxygen to greatness.
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  15. January 28th, 2006, 09:22 PM #15
    J.Christ
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    Coo .. i was feelin it fuhreal . Sounds like you inlove w/ cha wifey sonny ..
    Wordplay .. Good
    Plot .. Excellent .

    I give it to you . most defenitely . keep goin
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