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Thread: Cursed.

  1. #1
    old york
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    New York
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    33
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    Battle Record
    20-9

    Cursed.

    Cursed.




    Years passed fast since that day,slowly yet now vast
    At long last,my mind cant leave the haunting of our past
    Since than I made a vow,but a curse left true and avow
    I'd never allow that challenge,knowing what it'd do now
    .
    .
    .
    Years ago a group of us had a frat,accepting two more
    It brought us fun,the excitement of us never having before
    Brought both at a deserted location,a house ready for renovation
    A murder occured upon this innovation,a few hours before initiation
    The killer still at large,is on our minds where he might be
    We all thought he would've left,thinking the most likely
    James Barkley was sent first,a nervous fellow we thought
    Told him to stay for 30 minutes,go to the last floor and stop
    Reaching his destination,his flash light turned off swiftly
    Quickly i said "His batteries musta died...let's not worry."
    10,15,and an hour had passed by with no seen sight
    Something wasnt right,so we sent the other:Mike
    With only a candle his fire went out reaching the third floor
    To our surprise he didnt come back niether so we went to explore
    Coming up to their floor,our lights went out,but kept searching
    A puddle of blood still fresh,and a window opened,they must've been lurking
    We waited until tomorrow,thinking they probably pulled a prank
    When they didnt arrive for a week,we were scared and found them blank
    Coming to the police,we were suspended from school for a year
    Tears came to my eyes,when finding out they still werent here
    .
    .
    .
    After graduating,i suddenly noticed something that was unsual
    One by one every year since that day,my old friends died gradual
    I felt scared,and i couldnt bare with the fact that they were gone
    My abilities are still good,and i didnt take pills like they were all on
    But something was wrong,im the only one left and it keeps me shook
    Because there's something i felt mistook,and behind i always look.....







  2. #2
    old york
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    New York
    Age
    33
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    hurterrybody.

  3. #3
    old york
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    New York
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    33
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    1,385
    Battle Record
    20-9
    hurterrybody.

  4. #4
    old york
    Join Date
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    New York
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    God damn it,someone check my om.
    hurterrybody.

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    yeh this was an alright piece, always nice to see well structured pieces, especially when it has nice content like this,it flowed well and it was an easy read, and the vocab was well used overall i'd give this piece a 8/10.

    keep doin ur thing
    Last edited by Diamond Mind; January 10th, 2006 at 03:27 PM
    I'm So ILL I'm Terminal!

    Vote On My Battles


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    Leave Feed On My Om's

  6. #6
    old york
    Join Date
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    Upity to the cumity my nizzlety.
    hurterrybody.

  7. #7
    old york
    Join Date
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    Fuck,anyone.........
    hurterrybody.

  8. #8
    old york
    Join Date
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    ..............
    hurterrybody.

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    DOPE. Lovin the way you told the story, keeps the reader enthralled all the way thru. Vocab was hot, multi's wer nice and the flow was kool. Easy to read too (no bold or italics or - - - -/// etc.) All in all, a solid drop. Keep um coming man.

    PZ

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  10. #10
    Live, Love, Burn, Die
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    Florida
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    This was nice. Nice imagery, I painted a nice lil pic in my mind. Flow was good and so was the structure. Vocab was also good. You keep the reader ingaged, thats a good thing. All I can say is keep up the good work.

    pz

    Hit the first link in my sig.

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