It Was Death That Made Me Feel

[thewordsmith]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Death may make u relise but will never make u wise
the sun is burning bright watered eyez upon dark skyz
poisioned by the stems of weed running circles in my mind
drugs un money, life and death becomes 1 place all intwind
dreams inside unfilled as withered paths R never told
shaded thoughts R shadowed by paths I walked of old
sirens in the city streets as greed powers stricken life
dreams of selfishness leaves me reaching for my knife
pleasures paid with paper from unholy fishes on my rod
tainted by the price of wealth keeps me shaded from my god
denying in my painful past will never heal my rift
privailing words of darklands will never feel my gift
Jesus on his crusifix only brought him selfless fame
while many famous come and go but Jesus will remain
mindless tears drop to my throat will never help me heal
from drugs and silence to streets of violence, but it was death
that made me feel



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[thewordsmith]

uppin thiz 4 sum feedback

[ExPlOsIvE]

This was a pretty nice drop bro. I liked the topic very original, u portrayed ur emotions well thru it. Ur wrdplay was nice not to complex wich is gd so i know it wuld sound gd spitten. Saw a few multis and stuff in dere. All ovr nice drop boi.

Peace
p.s hit me up on Random Spit!

[Unwritten Hazard]

yea this woulda been alot better in audio


but this is more poetic then anything. so maybe it belongs in a book.



fav line

tainted by the price of wealth keeps me shaded from my god




good read. stay up n elevate.

[Johnny 6-feet]

Vocab needs upping and so does your imagery. If you're going to do a topical piece, do your best to paint a picture with your lines, talk about details and use decent vocab to improve the flow. Some multi's would've been good to see as well.

Keep elavating.

[thewordsmith]

uppin 4 sum feedbacc peace

[EyeCandy]

kinda deep stil... yea da imagery wah quite gud.. cudda bin betta dow..
niice and simple, gud flo... like sum1 sed already go in2 more detail otha then dat i fink it wah fine...nice 1..