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Thread: what happens next

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    what happens next

    a boy his whole life known nuttin but the system
    storys of war then gang bangin soon he fell victim
    knowin nuttin but slangin keys and how to gat bust
    thought this was him a ghetto star didnt no who he was
    this all changed he left the block but stayed in the street
    picked up a pen spat bought life experinces goin real deep
    still ever cursed wit an all knowin brain he thinks its a gift
    every move he makes causes his undecided fate to shift
    he now finds an in looked different meaning at long last
    he looks to the future and finds its the same as the past
    he's gone to far now its impossible for him to be saved
    he sees himself as a old man starin at his own grave
    what is this meanin to him it just appears so mystic
    what path to choose is it this one should he risk it
    he looks deeper sees himself a man fists clenched
    magnum is in his hand and he's seeking revenge
    he realizes no not revenge he's fed up wit life
    will he pull that trigga on him i think he might
    but who knows will thre be difference if he died
    he pulls the trigga to his head and yells he tried
    goes deeper a path of fame and glory..........
    but darkness tears him to shreds tears him apart
    a lonely and emotionless body, mind, and heart
    he goes as deep as he can skipping all the rest
    he sees a ancient man who welcoming his death
    a peacful diein not murderd soul takin or killed
    he looks into the face of sorrow and grows still
    he looks back to reliality infact its been days
    he lets go of the future and makes his own way
    he comes up in the game earns respect as an mc
    i look back on these memories... that boy was me

  2. #2

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    uppin some feed

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    uppin for feed

  5. #5
    Im -not- BacK
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    rhymin ws bit simple
    flowed well
    alrite piece
    7/10
    Don't Do Drugs EP is coming soon.

    Remember Me?

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Young_Chopper317's Avatar
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    agreed simple flo nice piece over all u need to expand yo vocab a lil more then wut it is and need some metaphores but 8/10 keep it up

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    thx uppin some more feed

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    nice flow..tite structure.. just in need of some dope multies in my opinion...vocab cud be sharpened or extended a lil as well..it seemed a bit too repetitive t'ward the end.. like i'm seeing he, he, he too many times...so the end cudda been crafted a lil better in my opinion.... but still was a good story to follow.. and you put some good ole emotion into it which gave it life and made it interesting to read

    its that real life ish

    stay @
    .................................................. ......................

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    thx uppin some more feed

  10. #10
    this was nice. Nice structure and flow. Upp your vocab a bit and it wouldve made it alot better. I thought this was a nice topic, real life kinda shit homie. Keep it up homie.

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    thx uppin some more feed

  12. #12
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    aiight i liked it....ya vocab wasnt that bad but can be upped a bitnamean. flow was nice. shit was definitely real. keep it up

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    thx uppin some more feed

  14. #14
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    yea this was iight..topic was ok...struuctre was good anf flow was good too
    vocab could have been here a lil bit more..rhymes were good
    complexity was ok..could be betta...overall this was an iight drop
    keep elevating....peace homie---

  15. #15
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    for some reason i liked this more then the other people, the rhymin was a bit simplistic but the over all value of the verse was good, it was a good read, i didnt wanna just X out the page like some of this stuff on here, the lyrics couldv'e been more complex like with similies and metas, peace

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