Love

[<Supreme>]

You know that feelin, when you're in love, but you jus can't talk to the girl...
I do, and it's killin me...

You go everywhere, and she's there
You try to look at her, but she don't care
She knows how you feel, and she jus blocks you out
Walkin down the same road, she pretends to be on her phone
And she's the only thing on your fuckin mind when you go home
And it's killin you, you talk to complete strangers with no problem
But as soon as you try to talk to her, there's one main problem
You can't find the words, but when you've practiced it, it comes out
And she thinks you're a complete jerk, cos you say some random stuff
"Did you hear that new song" oh shit, she don't like the artist
She aint into Destiny's Child, she prefers rap, D12 and Kon Artist
But wait, thats good, I think, cos we got somethin in common
And then i go to ask her out...
But she disappeares, you been dreamin again, it's jus you in this room
The thing you thought was her body was, it was...a broom?
What the fuck, why does love put us through this
I wish it wouldn't, i wish it would stop doin this
I wish Cupid would shoot the same arrow at her
So that she loves me back and i could be alone with her
But he keeps on missin, makin this pain worse
I don't know what to do, is it because of my crew
If it is, then fuck new world order, fuck the world
I jus want to be with her, jus me and Cara
And i'd like to get to know her through karma
And i want to be there to protect her, like armour
And beat the crap out of anyone who tries to harm her
But that won't happen, cos she doesn't love me back
So come on Cupid, shoot a fuckin arrow thru her back
Make her love me, cos this is almost fuckin killin me
I'm gonna kill myself unless someone starts tellin me
What to do...somebody please help me, it's drivin me crazy
So i'ma destroy anyone that even tries to phase me
What shall I do.....?

[<Supreme>]

links r in my sig

[Young_Chopper317]

I really liked that piese its real life shit and really i've been through that type of thing before but um your wordplay could of been a lil bit better and you vocab the structure was on point oh I dont kno about the whole "But she disappeares, you been dreamin again, it's jus you in this room
The thing you thought was her body was, it was...a broom?" i think thats just plain upsession keep it up though 9.5/10

[Legacy01]

I wus feelin that piece, and yeh, i know and can relate to what ya sayin homie.
This was a good drop, a lil off flow n strecthed lines in places, but what you're tryin to say is definately coming through. There's alot of emotion in this piece and frustration to go with it. I duno if it's a true story but if it is, you def. gotta tell her man! Coz if u into her this much, dont lose her.
But yo, tha wordplay was good, but a lil off in tha places when tryina rhyme sum lines. The structure was there and consistent and you stayed on tha topic well.
This was a pretty good piece with sum imagery but good emotion to back it up.
Well done man, n thanx for hittin up my piece , keep droppin
~1~

[Trema]

emotion was in this piece i can tell but the vocab wasn't very strong. I could feel the emotion and can tell you put alot of effort in2 this piece but you need to up your vocab use a bigger and better variety of words and you'll see you'll start writing sum dope shit. keep at it homs

[<Supreme>]

thnx for the feed homies

[<Supreme>]

uppin...
not my best eva piece but still want true feed

[tjbthakilla]

niece verses and flows man ya know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
give this man good feedback

[<Supreme>]

thnx for...?
better feed in future plz, and its bit obvious he didnt read it - 1 verse - no more thn tht
anyways...

[StRiNgThEoRy]

Vocab: Average
Content: Excellent
Emotion: Very Evident
Flow: OK
Structure: OK

ADVICE: Elevate ya vocab...stop rhymin the same wurd 2wice...never hurt nobody....good piece

VERDICT: 7/10

...Elevate...

[<Supreme>]

thnx for the feed
uppin

[D. Jizzle.]

i have been watching ur oms as u kno and this girl seems to be on ur mind so much uput her name in ur oms thats really good it shows how much u like her

i give this 8-10

[b_rEEz]

Man, on all realness i can feel where ya commin from, that shit kills me...but that was a pretty dope piece, although some words didnt flow that amazing, some did....and your vocab wasnt the best it could be, i think you could make better vocab on that....overall good shit homie 7.5/10

[<Supreme>]

thnx for the feed
uppin...

[noncentz]

emmotional writtings have a higher degree of success and this was no different ti was a great peace. just needs some fine tuning. what wasnt you feeling onmy joint