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Thread: The Prophet: Man vs. Machine

  1. #1
    Banned Percept's Avatar
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    The Prophet: Man vs. Machine

    i found it difficult to name this piece.......

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=254292
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=255294


    I'm a prophet and I've seen that for profit, companies
    will create technological products and TV screens
    artificial intellegent sentient, conscious living beings
    who'll evolve and develop to envelop every living thing
    One day, man will use machines to get him out of bed
    by screaming in his ear and he'll pet them on the head
    to turn them off, even cleaning his body'll need power
    from machines to brush his teeth. Washin' in the shower
    won't inspire shakes with the electrical fireplace
    in the basement called a heater, to warm the entire place
    and their faces will be neater, with robotic razor blades
    that'll trace the contours with the sharpest sabors made.
    Their kids will have cyber-optic maids... and baby-sitters
    to entertain the litter with hyper shocks to their brains
    fed information from cable; satellite info that never lulls
    to infect infants and direct TV signals into their skulls

    Problems begin... when the machines start taking control
    thinkin' for men... claiming stakes on every place on the globe
    Initially, we'll dig the robots, fall in love with the hype
    until the machines get bold and start fucking our wives!
    Woman start adjusting their time around battery powered
    penises, stuck intravaneous, taking late Saturday showers
    Mechanical devices replace men, who're now endangered
    raising our kids, while we kill ours with rods and hangers
    Robots that heat our food, start advancing manuevers
    of war. Using radioactive waves to cause cancerours tumors
    and sores. Those that drive our cars, keep going on strike
    and stop working... forcing mankind to go out and buy
    more servants...that stop working; development's change
    when we're left alone with our now slowly developin' brains.
    We used to be incredibly trained, now we all need pictures
    and an extra pair of hands to count up to the teen figures.
    We can't even tell time, machines quickly get this too.
    Who needs to read clocks, every other watch is digital?
    They'll attempt a great revolt, but Man will foil the caper
    (but not before buying every single roll of toilet paper.)

    Then there are the machines with capabilities of nuclear war
    with human slaves in black suits ready to shoot up ya shore!
    Machines will even affect the cultures, they've done it before
    so everyone is so sure ~ that they'll just do it some more!
    One day machines will rule urban culture, connectin' in minutes
    cities and places across the globe and every resident in it
    every second we'll spend it attached to computers and boards
    (we'll discover later, radiowaves were secretly nuetering hoards
    of men) connecting our brains to a Matrix, until we flood the lines
    trappin' the last true Poets on screens!

    (But that's another time)

    Despite the dangers, co-dependency will keep men in check
    Scared to bite the hand that'll feed and release them from debt
    Prophet, at what time should I tell the cities to quickly fear?
    It's 1339 now?...eh...give it 666 years
    Last edited by Percept; December 17th, 2005 at 08:34 PM

  2. #2
    The Topical Juggernaut ITawAPuddyKat's Avatar
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    Alright this was very creative. I like youir flow it was very smooth. Your imaginary took over in your piece. The balance in your vocab was good and this was well written. Your approach is what got me interested in your piece and it was also the way you predict the future, of men and machines. I like pieces Like these. This was very original and creative, keep writing.

    -PuddyKat

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    ...I don't Go Right. I go Left...

  3. #3
    Banned Percept's Avatar
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    thanx uping

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    The Topical Juggernaut ITawAPuddyKat's Avatar
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    Sorry to freepost but can you leave feed on my new OM? Link in sig. Thank you.

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    ...I don't Go Right. I go Left...

  5. #5
    Banned Percept's Avatar
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    done^^^

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    You've Earned a Custom Title! soberSEOULja's Avatar
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    very good piece man, decent flow, and good choice of words. The mental imagery you forced with your details was great man. Good wordplay here and there, only thing that coulda made your peice even better would be a couple metaphors here n there. great job man, keep it comin
    seriously fuck all these kids with the "vote for me, i'll vote for you bullshit" You love textin, battlin, comin up with the vocab to really bust someone out? why cheat and ride each others nuts?seriously i see these niggas put up HONEST VOTES as part of their rules, then the same dickriders come and vote for em. you suckas aren't foolin anyone.....

    RB REC 1-0
    W/six miles

  7. #7
    Banned Percept's Avatar
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    thnxnnnxnxnx

  8. #8
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    thsi was tight homie.........i was feelin the vocab all the way and the topic was way interesting and very creatvie..rhymes were good and complex..good multies...struuctre and flow were mad smooth and even...overall this was dope..keep it up...peace--

  9. #9
    Banned Percept's Avatar
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    thanx upp

  10. #10
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    Alright man its like ..

    .. I enjoyed this alot, I read your other one, and I didnt see anything really different, besides the fact that this might have been a little more creative. To start off with, your flow was nice, no choppy'ness, well, some, but nothing to bad, I suggest you throw slightly more multies in there to give it a twist, good job on that though. Second, your structure was excellent, couldnt be any better, and its hard to do that when you make a 40+ poem/topical/open mic, whatever, great job on that man. Third, your imagiry, like wow dude, I could picture this whole thing in my head as it went along, there wasnt a second, or even a couple words went by when I didnt have this whole thing going on in my head. The topic was good, and your concept was grasped well. You did a good job adding twists into here and what not. Last, your vocabulary, nicely done when it came to that, I dont see kids around using big words as often as you do, you dont go over board with it, but you make it enough so its not a bunch of kiddie words, good job.

    Overall, this peice was nice, I enjoyed the read alot, and you did a great job. Im satisfied with using my time to evaluate this. Keep it up man, Im looking forward to seeing even MORE dropped from you in the future. Good job!

    Peace.

  11. #11
    Banned Percept's Avatar
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    thanx Po, leave links guys id be happy to rtf

  12. #12
    Banned Percept's Avatar
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    leave links foos

  13. #13
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    upppppppppppppppppppppppppp

  14. #14
    StRiNgThEoRy
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    Multies: A couple
    Metas: Great
    Wordplay: Great
    Flow: Good
    Structure: good

    ADVICE:
    Very good piece, just work on ya structure a lil bit...other than that..it was great, i love the subject

    VERDICT: 9/10

    ...Excellent...

  15. #15
    Banned Percept's Avatar
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    thanx

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