Skateboard

[The Vortex]

Skateboard
.
.
.
It was a dark drizzly Thursday morning, coldness bit my ears as I strolled
Waiting for my workload, the order to activate my mercenary mode
Ginger Jenny called me to the office, said she had a mission conscript by CIA
I listened to the fat chicks advice, & told her my price would be 60K
She pulled a black briefcase from beneath the table, then passed me a PPK
Now she shows me the picture of a man dubbed “The skateboard killer”
Big gorilla looking fucker, this week he kidnapped 3 kids down by the river
Next to the skating park, at least 1 child has already been torn apart
Another 2 kids held hostage, possibly in an apartment near South Boulevard
Yesterday they’d caught him on C.C.T.V, still pinpointing him was hard
Thought in my minds eye: “where would I go? Maybe a basement to lie low
Don’t want to die so before hitting the street strap the Kevlar with Velcro
.
I’d use my 6th-sense for guidance, asking questions facing walls of silence
I’m skating on thin ice, I must crack this case, I comb the environment
Checked out the downtown subways for any sign of finding the children
Suddenly stumbled over evidence, wet wheel marks leading below the station
Took out my torch & pistol, saw a door to my left halfway forth the tunnel
A sign said NO ENTRY! Turning the handle, I entered from a cautious angle
Purple corridors led me to the right past water pipes and rats scratching
I dimmed the flashlight, & prepared myself for a little automatic gat action
More wheel marks lead to a staircase, the stairs took me further underground
Sounds of a child crying guided me, now I knew this gorilla had been found
Creeping stealthily, the stairway led me straight ahead to the boiler-room
2 kids in a corner, as I scoped the offender my PPK slightly recoiled & BOOM!
The bastard fell from 1 shell; I could tell he was going straight to the tomb
.
The children bruised & beaten, but least they still breathing, praise the Lord
I saw a wooden object on the floor;
Then realised I’d been following in the tracks of a skateboard








linkages
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=253814
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=253848

[warchild]

Another nice topical piece from you Vor, your one of the only guys on here whos pieces i actually like reading and this was no exception. The concept was original which you always seem to do, your verses are always original i still remember that clown piece you did a few months ago. Obviously this was a story piece, you told the story well, its hard to do a story rap cause sometimes the pieces lack depth or a back story but this was a nice story.
The content was dark so obviousluly i liked it but the imagery stood out the most to me, you described your feelings and surrondings in good detail.
I could picture the scene which always makes a piece stand out, its difficult to set a scene with just words but it really worked in this piece. The ending was cool i always think its best to end a verse with a nice line it always keeps the piece in your mind after you read it. In the first verse your flow was ok but in the second i caught the multies. You know about multies etc and ive seen you write pieces with a lot of multies so i know you can do good stuff with the multies but in this piece you concentrated on story and imagery. It was still a dope piece, keep dropping son, shits nice.
Return the feed on my Om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=253814

[The Vortex]

well fucks sake war thanx truly for your most in depth feedback


cool..thats all i need i should say

pz

[EyeBite]

this was pretty different topic but it was interesting cuz i like skateboards....
the flow was smooth and struutre was good and rhymes were good too..
complex and same with vocab..complex...creavity was here and it was all cool
overall this was tight....keep it up and hey check out my new OM holy sin part 2 thanks
but you might wanna read holy sin part 1 first..iight..thanks...peace

[The Vortex]

safe bro

uppies

[mcl]

great piece niece topic, 9/10 for it all ryhmes dope as hell peace

[The Vortex]

safe blood..bit short on the feed but w/e

upz

[pyro2472]

nice topic real orginal i like skateboards to so its cool yea nice job man
yo sinse i left feed on this hit up the battles in ma sig

[The Vortex]

safe

upz