Aerial (0-0) vs Nib Oswald (0-0)

[Aines]

LLL Jr. Week 1

Rules:

New season starts here...everyones fresh so your all equal as of now

No show your gone no matter who you are

Drop 10-20 lines agree with your opponent

Check in by wednesday drop by friday midnight, i understand that were all in different timezones so i will give way for a hour or so late

No feeding = banned from league
No biting = banned from league and site
No recycling, come up with new un original shit of your own

You must vote on four battles and leave links. you will lose two votes for every missing link. you can't vote on a no show battle and use it for your link either.

Have any problems/requests PM me and Pm me early

Last of all come hard and get yourself up to LLL.

good luck.

[Aerial]

check, let's do 10

[Nib Oswald]

10 it is.

[Nib Oswald]

Cunt, I chew up sugar-coated flakes like you for cereal
Punters all caught venereals the last time they backed-Aerial
A serial killer? His punches hardly slap in the slightest
I'd say that you're more of a repeated rap-suicidist
Crappest of writers: cross-out so much crud, your desk looks scoured
Needed to dig deep for substance...so I disembowelled the coward
Used his guts for garters and both my socks sank to my ankles
I'm boxing this Yank so bad his face is looking star-spangled
Marred and mangled, hardly an able angler (Casting a line)
're-el Air'? Dang, looks like I hooked the Little Mermaid this time.
*wok sizzle*

[Aerial]

Nib Oswald? huh, that name's so whack that it's in another dimension.
And we both know that you hardly battle in text cuz ya verse's never get attention.
your a topcal battler tryin to battle in a text tourney, bitch get a clue.
And if you say that your lying ass is a decent texthead, God himself will punish you.
Your nothin special considering that you're an Australian resident.
And you're profile's true, I see that you like comedy cuz you want to be your nation's president.
Bitch, stay in Sacred Sciptures,and never come back here again you whore.
Cuz the only way you'll ever get closer to seeing punches is if you ask to get murked more
Your not ill and your verse is so bad that it gives "W's" for people on a daily basis mate.
Cuz as far as Im concerned, your verse has been doin that in LLLjr since your joining date.

[.:KLePTo:.]

Cunt, I chew up sugar-coated flakes like you for cereal
Punters all caught venereals the last time they backed-Aerial

Marred and mangled, hardly an able angler (Casting a line)
're-el Air'? Dang, looks like I hooked the Little Mermaid this time.

vs.

Your not ill and your verse is so bad that it gives "W's" for people on a daily basis mate.
Cuz as far as Im concerned, your verse has been doin that in LLLjr since your joining date

Aerial your verse wasnt bad it flowed well, but it lack'd creativity and had played concepts


v/Nib

[DaTrusHurtz]

Cunt, I chew up sugar-coated flakes like you for cereal
Punters all caught venereals the last time they backed-Aerial
disease shit of any sort is played
A serial killer? His punches hardly slap in the slightest
I'd say that you're more of a repeated rap-suicidist
Eh, alright, but not much of a diss
Crappest of writers: cross-out so much crud, your desk looks scoured
Needed to dig deep for substance...so I disembowelled the coward
the dig for substance was a decent concept, but you didn't develop it well
Used his guts for garters and both my socks sank to my ankles
I'm boxing this Yank so bad his face is looking star-spangled
Just a statement/threat really, no punch to this
Marred and mangled, hardly an able angler (Casting a line)
're-el Air'? Dang, looks like I hooked the Little Mermaid this time.
prolly your best punch, but you coulda worded this better and the setup was weird

vs.

Nib Oswald? huh, that name's so whack that it's in another dimension.
And we both know that you hardly battle in text cuz ya verse's never get attention.
Nothing wrong with this diss, but it's kinda weak and basic
your a topcal battler tryin to battle in a text tourney, bitch get a clue.
And if you say that your lying ass is a decent texthead, God himself will punish you.
Not worded well, kinda stretched, try using fewer words to make your point
Your nothin special considering that you're an Australian resident.
And you're profile's true, I see that you like comedy cuz you want to be your nation's president.
Just a statement really, not much of a punch
Bitch, stay in Sacred Sciptures,and never come back here again you whore.
Cuz the only way you'll ever get closer to seeing punches is if you ask to get murked more
The seeing punches thing coulda been okay, but you developed the concept poorly
Your not ill and your verse is so bad that it gives "W's" for people on a daily basis mate.
Cuz as far as Im concerned, your verse has been doin that in LLLjr since your joining date.
Just too simple, kinda weak

Very close battle in my eyes and tough one to vote on. I feel Nib was far more creative and better concepts, but he worded and developed them poorly. Nib, here's what you need to do to improve. When you develop a concept, say, digging for substance, brainstorm lots of ways to develop it before you write it. See what else you can come up with. Aerial, your verse was just too simple. There wasn't enough attempts at wordplay and creativity and your verse was kinda boring. Work on being more creative and your flow needs work. You coulda had this with just a little more wordplay, but I'd say Nib got it for being more creative and more consistent with the punches.

Vote - Nib

[Philly B. Sparkz]

v//Nib

Aerial dropped wayyy to basic & stretched

[TaK]

vote - Nib Oswald

to me aerial just came too simple to compete with nib's verse which was more creative and aerial just couldnt land his punches as well as nib did... an ok battled but i feel nib just came better

[andres]

I have to give this one to Nib Oswald because he was way more creative than Aerial. Aerial no hate, it's just that your drop was way too basic while Nib came out with some creative stuff.

v/-Nib Oswald

[Antonio Banderas]

vOTE - Nib Oswald , but your verse didn't have a very strong rhyme scheme. You put more creativity into your verse

[Ruthless.]

Marred and mangled, hardly an able angler (Casting a line)
're-el Air'? Dang, looks like I hooked the Little Mermaid this time.

vs

nothing.

v/nib

[KempoMRK]

Nib, your wording is fucked but you tried some creativity in there, the closer was good creatively but the wording was really weird, I wasn't feeling this verse much and I'll say it again, cos of your wording. Work on that and you'll get better.

Aerial, your verse was really really simple. I'd guess based on it that you've been writing for about a month and a half/2 months, as you're starting to get more polished and you seem less newby but your concepts are just too simple, so work on creativity. So yeah, verse just wasn't creative enough.

v/ Nib

[Nib Oswald]

8-0

vOTE - Nib Oswald , but your verse didn't have a very strong rhyme scheme. You put more creativity into your verse

Sorry, but that comment reeeeeally irked me. May I just list my use of feminine and internal rhymes for clarity's sake:
*Cunt I, punters
*Cereal, venereal, bacterial, serial
*slap in the slightest, rap-suicidist, crappest of writers
*scoured, disembowelled, coward
*socks sank to my ankles, boxing this yank, looking star spangled, marred and mangled, hardly an able angler, dang looks like I hooked

Not to mention the alliteration in crappest/cross-out/crud, guts for garters, socks sank, star-spangled, marred and mangled, & an able angler.

And all within ten freakin' lines.

I put a lot of effort into my rhyming, so don't care if you comment that I didn't come hard enough or came wack or didn't flow well... but lousy rhyme scheme?!! *exerts fury on stress ball*

[A. Know-phistage]

Crappest of writers: cross-out so much crud, your desk looks scoured
Needed to dig deep for substance...so I disembowelled the coward

vs nothen really

nib easily no comment cz i wasnt feeling the other dude pz 1

v/nib