Cash Personified

[mz.blaze]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235334
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=239611



Attempts to possess- extensive amounts of deceased presidents
Fuck acceptin a percent-my bank roll obese-breathe in tha dollar scent
Reside on tha east coast-wit shores galore transport tha product flow
Provide goods for dough-cats adore my rapport-keep it quid pro quo
Remain thorough in each transaction-never know exactly who be actin
Gain is my only satisfaction-extractin paper outta hands- leave em lackin
Attackin any squad whos repetoire is gettin larger than ours
Cautious braud known to stash illicit items in my D cup bra-
One love in my life- riches n sick cars hold my devotion by right
Pledge my allegiance as wife-calculatin my income breeds raw delight
Greed is a common plight to which hustlers n blue collars must concede
Believe i am tha master mind- achievin dollars at excessive speeds

Snitches, hustlas, strippers-they all about tha riches
Wishes for wealth ridic'lous-like pitchin pennies to tha fishes

Masked schemes, fast deceit-some straight cheat to achieve
Hands bleed to receive-chasin fate-see greed is naive
I succeed in breedin hate-fuel feuds across United states
Leave vacant dinner plates-a cruel tool America makes
Desecrate fam'ly ties-fightin over me when death arise
Fake tears rest in eyes-final goodbyes spent addin dolla signs
Despised by not one soul-rank is based upon a dudes bank roll
yall need me to feel whole-taste of wealth equals crude control
been kidnaped from banks, bodegas- even old womens bra straps
In adoration of me some cats get clapped-inside they fitted caps
Some expire clutchin me in closed hands-die wit such unfinished plans
Lust compensated by man-take girls to foreign lands-pearls by tha strand
I can be created from persistence-or loaned out for financial assistance
Trust is complicated by my existence-if you wise- keep your distance

[mz.blaze]

ah man, yall straight sleepin!!!!!!!

[*Jazzmine*]

some of your lines were stretch home gyrl but this shit wuz tight. the topic was hot as well, your flo was nt 2 bad juz need ta work on ya struc N all that type shit feel me? ya had nice rhymes wit it though it wuz kinda long to be real wit it doe, nice job

[mz.blaze]

Thanks-yeah I know i tend to stretch my lines sometimes-i gotta work on that.

[SkullBreaker]

yeah i like it, it was good i could feel ur vocab but just try to work on ur structure and ull be aight ok ma, keep bringin that good shit here aight ma, keep it up

[mz.blaze]

thanks for tha feed-i'll work on it

[*Jazzmine*]

me and U should a callab or sumthin. wanna be down wit dat? if so opm and me and we can talk about taht and the topic feel me
much luv 1

[...Knowledge...]

Your Flow Was Coo, Your multis Were On Point But Off On Some lines. You Need To Work On Your Structure, I Think With A Consistant Structure Your Verse Would Be Better And It Would Be Easier To Get You Verses Idea Out. Overall This Was A Ok Read. Keep Doin Yah Thang!.

..Knowledge..

[mz.blaze]

cool thanks for tha feed

[warchild]

Decent verse, your vocab was the strongest part of the piece.
Imagery was also decent but nothing really grabbed my attention.
You should of added in a couple of metaphors to try and make the piece more complex. You could of added some punchlines so the piece would be more witty and entertaining. There was no multies in this at all so whoever said the multies were on point hasnt got a clue what their saying.
A decent attempt but next time you write try and come up with a better concept work on that flow to add more multies into your verses this will make them more complex. Also try and add in some metaphors and punchlines then your verses will be better to read. Not bad for a chick your rhymes are better than most of the boys om's but your stuff still needs work.
Return the feed on my new Om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=240126

[mz.blaze]

^i hear that, thanks alot for the feed. I'll work on that

[ThaChampIsHere#1]

mz blaze you always
write some nice shit
i was feeling it but you be
using to many big words
makes it hard to understand


check out my piece lost love

[mz.blaze]

Aha- I have been acquitted of all accusations and charges. Here's a new link with better feed though.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=237844

[Antonio Banderas]

Well, you had some good word usage in some place, but then you combine vocab in ways that didn't really make sense. Metas were okay. The structure was remarkable, but the way the vocab was combined took away from the flow. However, this still was an okay drop. You did a great job of staying on topic.

[Mistral]

oops lol