The Divine Comedy Of One Womans Life

[noncentz]

Tear drops, the stain on the pillow was an innuendo
A last memento before happier times end a tempo.
Next to the pillow were some tattered sheets
Angled like someone woke up, empty from head to feet.
Slippers gone nothing left but a trickle of blood
To the bathroom where you can see the water flood from the tub.
Before we go there rewind some time,
A young girl 13 barely in her prime.
Rarely thought of as fine,
From her mind to clothing line.
Manic depressant repressing a lower self esteem
Hoping for the same attention that’s given to other teens
Nobody gave her a minute, only players with gimmicks
That use her, then leave when they see she was timid and frigid.
Met Dan not her typical. Roughneck and rigid.
Politic for an hour he left with the digits.
3 weeks later, he’d call while she was stuffing her braw
All dolled up… she’d evacuate, excited that she having a date.
They met, connection was made a love life was played
And replayed for 4 years to the day.
Lost her virginity found fertility instantly consistently
At the time her monthly had delinquency.
You should of herd the frequency and how frequently
They’d argue. Ending with “I love you’s”
But she knew better and he’d find another new girl whenever
The moment presented itself. Fears made her disregard her health.
Kicked out the house, father like “you disobeyed my rules”
Now she 9 to 5 en working like a mule, but it gave her fuel
Now she single can’t mingle soon to be a mother.
Just cause she thought love was not wearing a rubber.
A lesson learned, but sadly so much concern, created a health issue
A baby 6 months inside with undeveloped fetal tissue.
She’d panic thinking manic of what to do with her life
Decided to take it…at least once daily she’s found clenching a knife.
Dropped out of school… its obvious there was no room
For a girl who would be forced to be a woman soon.
Pills consumed
Now she fears she cant be a mother to the child in her womb.
One night laying in bed she decided and loomed
That there was no choice to escape she’d make her body a tomb
Drew a bath relaxed with the stress in her head
The result an abortion gone wrong now they both dead.
At that moment, the phone rang
Makes sense don’t it? Ironies a bitch cause it was Dan
Saying he missed her and he would be damned
If he wouldn’t be there to raise his seed as a man.


..................................damn............ ..................................



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=236625
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=237711

[noncentz]

Uppin

[mcbadboy]

this rap is a bag of shit 2/10

[noncentz]

this rap is a bag of shit 2/10

THANK YOU

[noncentz]

Upz

[noncentz]

Upz

[ghostflow]

it was good

you had a str8 flow good concept, structure. nice afford

6.5/10

[warchild]

Good piece the concept was original and you had a good go at the story.
The story was told real well, your imagery could of been maybe a bit more descriptive but it was still a good piece. There was good emotion mixed there you was kind of telling it from a few perspectives which was dope. Your imagery was ok but could of been improved maybe uppin your vocab would sort that out. The flow was basic but i still liked the piece because it was something different to read instead of the usual Thug and Drug bullshit.
I think you just need to work on your flow mix in some multies and metaphors this will make your verses more complex. Also keep coming up with good song concepts.

Return the feed on my OM:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=238600