Scared to Love, Love to Kill.
How does one tackle love?
But only to cut it open,
And study it’s innards
I’m walking down the shitty side of town
With a cigarette and clorettes inside of my mouth
See, I can’t make decisions well, I try but hell
I’m scared to death that my mistakes just won’t gel
Can I kill or be hated, hate or be loved? How does
One absorb that stomach sick side of pure love
I hate being watched, talking.. possibly stalked
So I keep away from human interaction at all costs
People throw dirty looks in my direction, and I
Almost cry if it weren’t for my hate on the flipside
I’m so unstable like a non-noble gas, I have had
Feelings for people, but they shattered like glass
Broken on the floor, in pieces.. like my faith
Never believed. I was taught to spit in the Lord’s face
And it’s getting worse now, I’m starving to death
If I try and buy some food, will there be none left?
And will they like me? Would they attack?
Was this a trap and if so would that mean my ass?
Mean me not breathing no more, I ask myself am I crazy?
Do they hate me cause my insane preference is maybe?
I don’t understand why a shadow is black
That would mean I am white, and what if that
Meant that my life was a failure, how do I cope?
I’m holding on to the rope, just don’t let it break..
Please, no.
.
.
.
My pills. You told me to take them, but I hate them
They only made me sick, even if I never ate them
You are the cause for my crazy, and my love
For that, I not only hate your guts, I think you’re a dove
But my mind is pushin’ away these days
Picking up knifes and feeling the ends of razor blades
Its amazing, their almost made for me, my blood
Touching the surface of my skin when I pull the blade up
It makes me happy, and I dwell at the corner store
Has that edge on it lately, that phrase “dirt poor”
And its dirt galore in my life, infecting my spine
I try to move but am confined witch makes me blind
And tonight, I’ll retrieve that state of mind man,
When I kill the only person who gave a shit in my life man.
.
.
.
I look to the stars, watch as she approaches in her car
Pulls the emergency brake on then puts it on park
It’s dark, she calls my name… and I shiver
Feels like her breath was cold like the winter
She calls my name again.. and I run towards her
She outstretches for a hug, and I lunge right for her
I used to adore her, but now.. my pain is amplified
By that look of love in her eyes, mixed with moonlight
I hug her hard, and soft.. but keep my grip tight
Knowing she’ll turn away after a quick goodnight
But this time, she’s crying, and suddenly I’m sad too
She tells me “I’m lost, I’m afraid, I’ve never really had you”
And she turns away, I tell her “It’s gonna be alright”
She shakes her head violently, says “Its was never,
…………………………………......................alright”
And she walks toward her Ford Escort, not stoppin’
I draw my gun for the kill, but she reaches for her pocket
I yell to her, scream to her.. It won’t stop what she does
Put the barrel in her mouth, and pulled the trigger cause of,
Love.
.
.
.
A schizophrenic man will never be accepted,
It took my dead wife to show me that.
And with the sound of a bullet kicking out of a barrel,
I prove my point too.
I’m crazy? No.. that’s pathetic
What they say doesn’t matter
I know I change my mind a lot.
No time to turn back now,
I pull the trigger again, and again.
Killing my children…
And finally,
Myself.
.
.
.
Who are you to judge the dead?
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