notlikethis

[spokenoh]

Slumped

In the labyrinth of seconds.

Slumped.

I caught your screams
in a bottle of prozac pills
They echo -
just like your memory

Your torso, so carelessly
strewn over bath tubs
Holding life
in twitching veins and kitchen blades

Every blood-tuned scream
echoes dead romance
Slow dance til’
the pale blue turns scarlet

Sunken

Sunken in her wretched contempt.

Sunken

She hacks, limp in her anger
at the throbbing hand
that I once held
once so tight in our grasp

Her words trickle in residue
“suicide is quite attractive”
while she etches
her tombstone in scraped flesh

Love/hate with it’s scar
no pun, a knife’s potential
is outdone
mop the tiled floor in red fashions

Singed

Singed notebooks no longer read

Singed

My own sickness reflected
in blunt emotion;
to lip-lock
my own personal apocalypse

suicidal tendencies
, but you mean more to me
than a slashed wrist.

I love you
not like this.

[Bloomquist]

You've adjusted your style, and I like it.
Abstract, yet very insightful and fulfilling.

Good work as always Luke, hope you're doin well, get at me on AIM sometime.

[Prince Escobar]

Interesting approach from you Lukey Pukey....i've never been a fan of repition the way you used it but it worked in this piece, i felt like it was a little light on strong imagery which i think would have served to increase anticipation of this piece's climax in turn making it more powerful, however the ending was very poignant. I felt a slight tinge of dissapointment reading this from you but you still maintained quality in word choice and though it wasnt as powerful as i would have liked it still hit a spot for me, but then again maybe that was part of the piece, allusions of greater things, and yet it came just short...hmm now thats poetry, either way nicely done, 1luv.

[spokenoh]

Disappointment?

Thanks for the looks. I appreciate them.

[D. Josey]

I liked that poem, it was awesome.

[Prince Escobar]

Elevation is key, nice job again Lukey Pukey

[Geflugelte Worte]

This had a great deal of emotion throughout, but I just feel like something is missing.
I cant really explain what it is, but something definately needs to be worked into the poem. It just seemed kind of..empty? It just felt like it needed something, other then that, this is a really emotionally and powerful.

[Seedy]

Wow, this had a nice ammount of emotion...

I caught your screams
in a bottle of prozac pills
They echo -
just like your memory


I felt like my body feel brand new when i seen that, it felt fresh....I havent heard any poetry similar to you'res....this is great!