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Thread: No More Than a Story... SS Verse

  1. #1
    Po'Ethics
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    No More Than a Story... SS Verse

    No More Than a Story
    .
    .
    .
    "Once upon a time,"
    the cruel intentioned man chanted,
    A smile grew across his face, sickeningly slanted.
    His features emphasized by a swinging light,
    Bare wired and illuminating his everlasting night.
    One million shadows sewn to his skin shiver,
    Their fingers moving smoothly, calmly, however.
    Blood diluted sweat drips from his brow,
    The scene that dominates her life, here and now.
    .
    .
    .

    "there was a girl who cried" pain, rape, assault,
    But to no avail her broken body fell to the asphault.
    Preceeding incidents at fault due to lack of evidence,
    The rest of her family? Buried under porous sediments.
    Cries are little more than sighs to others today,
    'She could find a million ways' is what they used to say.
    Awaking to the moist cellar once more, she screams,
    Her very lungs feel as if they're about to shatter her rib beams.
    The darkened figure, hunched over a failing stove,
    Their teeth shine, as if they'd found a treasure trove.
    Walking closer, closer, yet, so much further that close,
    The first thing she recognized? The blood stained clothes.
    .
    .
    .

    "wolf. Three times, in fact," her spine cracked,
    The force of the blow encouraged a ninety degree back.
    Facing the ceiling in an eerie sense of knowledge,
    Her living corpse fell like a boy from his sledge.
    No longer visible, but their movements still clear,
    A strange anticipation, the precursor to fear.
    Muscles seizing from the stress, a mental excess,
    Scare tactics materializing into success.
    The stare of deep blue eyes, mentally erasing,
    Mind? Racing. Eyes? Pacing. Body? Tracing.
    The killer lets out a scream of shock...
    .
    .
    .

    As she peers into the mirror held aloft.
    .
    .
    .

    "but no one came on the third." She was left to burn,
    The drugging, the mind games her father learnt.
    Playing tricks on his last living offspring,
    Convincing her she was the murdering sibling.
    Laughing, sitting in the dark basement once more,
    Her cries of insanity will be heard all the way to heaven's door.
    Music in his lifelong symphony, the pure emotion of art,
    Destroying others live's is his existential mark.
    .
    .
    .
    Her life is no more than a story in the book of life,
    Half a page for his five year old daughter's strife.
    A message to God, to the people, it may well be,
    However, one may argue, this isn't even reality...
    .
    .
    .
    It's n...no m-more than a... a.. story.


    Po'Ethics Lives

  2. #2
    Po'Ethics
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    Eddy ft MC Pussy Eater
    Issue

    First time I've had two links in a long time... Enjoy.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  3. #3
    Po'Ethics
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    Up...
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  4. #4
    Po'Ethics
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    Uh... Sleeping anyone?
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  5. #5
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    Very good story here. One of your best pieces so far. Your rhythm has improved greatly from the last piece I read by you. You really made the words count. It wasn't as wordy as your others but still every bit as good. I really liked the story, especially the way you combined the fairy tale and the gore of your own tale. I read the piece you are against, and you got the win, no doubt. Like always, you have mad creativity instilled in this and it makes me proud to have you a member of Po'Ethics. I'm very impressed by the elevation process you're going through. Keep it up.
    murder murder

  6. #6
    Po'Ethics
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    Thanks Parox...
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  7. #7
    this was a real interesting piece to read, primarily because the structure (quote - statement) was original and allowed you to twist and manipulate perceptions, the change up to 'wolf' being a nice example. u were also pretty pointed, at times i felt a little lost, because the vocabulary, similies and imagery occasionally came together in a slightly overbearing fashion, but it was never beyond comprehension and ultimately the combination added to the pieces mystery. top notch vocab and complexity (i think thats whats lacking from my piece on here) and u rhymed well and flowed smooth. my only real advice, since i'm fairly new to this scene, would be to make sure u are fairly clear. not a problem here but if you realy are usually more wordy then i could have trouble, but thats probably down to my own inadequacies anyway. nice stuff.

  8. #8
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    Well I really liked this. I've read a few from you now and they do get better.
    Especially in your vocab' department. You are not just using large vocab' for
    no reason anymore but you now use it your advantage. I saw a couple of slips but
    all in all twas cool. Your story line was nasty, not in a writing sense but just
    gory and horrific. It was well told and you did draw a distinct evil out of the
    father. But what I really liked was the fact you compounded and said that it
    was merely a story, Dunno why I liked that but I did.. props.

    -Brix

    Leave feedback please.
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...16#post3135816
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  9. #9

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    this was a very dope piece man.
    the flow was flawless..imagenery
    was very nice as usual..structure
    coo one thing you could do like i
    always say is just to introduce a few
    rhyme schemes and rhyming within
    but part from that no flaws
    very nice piece my man good read.

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  10. #10
    Po'Ethics
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    Thanks everyone... Up
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  11. #11
    Po'Ethics
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