Like Father Like Son (part one)

[Vaccine]

dear pops, im really sorry that i couldnt be better,
we aint talked in a while, so thats y im sendin dis letter,
i didnt choose to be dis way, i hope that u can belive me,
but u didnt have to punk out, and jus up and leave me,
dad we used to be tight remember? we had lots of fun,
come on dad, y cant u jus come play some ball wit ya son,
or we can jus chill, look back on da past fo a day,
why u being like dis, shit dont have to be dis way,
i never wanted to hurt u, i jus wanted to make u proud,
but then i came out, an u act like u dont want me around,
but da facts remain da same, no matter what im ya boy,
so lets be partners, we could be like sigfried and roy,
i really need to see u dad, so jus return me a letter,
and by the way, me and kevin are great talk to u later,

sincerly Jay

[Vaccine]

I really need some feed cause i need to know if i need to do the part 2 and 3 all da way to 5 cause this is based on my homeboy who jus recently came out da closet and his dad left him and his mom.

[Vaccine]

heres da links to da OM's ive commented on:

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219550

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=220951

[Johnny 6-feet]

A decent topic but could've been more sophisticated with it. A word of advice, take the abbrieviations and slang type writing out of your OM's because it makes them harder to read. Try and aim for a more sophisticated level of vocabulary and learn how to do multi's to improve your flow. I did catch the sincereity of the piece though, which was a good thing. Focus more on your imagery.

If you want some detail OM advice, check out the 'help desk' link and click on 'tutorials' at the top, i wrote one called 'Open Mic-101' which could help you out. I've been writing these things for 7 years so i might be able to help you out some.

Keep elavating, keep posting.

[Vaccine]

thx fo da advice dog, keep da feed comin

[Vaccine]

Come on peeps lets get some feed on dis shit

[Dirty South]

I liked dis piece, only thing is this topic has been done many times...never the less you still did an above decent job...flow was good and you stayed on topic... detail was average but this was a really emotional piece that could hit close to home for alot of people...certain parts were shaky but overall I think you did pretty well.

Look out for my 3 part open mic...comin sooner than you think

[SunSpit]

Yo i liked diz. It had some good emotion in it n a bit of imagery. All u need 2 do is up your vocab. n throw some multi's in. Good work. N i do think u should make more parts 2 da letter. Something like da father writin back n u n him go back n forth. Anyway, good job. Keep em comin. Rtf on da links in my sig if u can.

[sILLable]

this was an abover average job....played topic never the less...you had emotion and you had imagery...now you need complexity...rhyme scheme...wordplay..and just flow..all in all this piece isnt to bad..keep elevatin and droppin..id say make the second one..and if it comes out ok...then make the third and stop there...we dont need another fuckin R Kelly rendition but rap style....thats obviously the inspiration for this any way..the exact style of how your doin it...any way..i wouldnt go past three..and if the second one sucks..id stay at two...what ever....hit up tha link in my sig titled when the sky fall plz..id appreciate it.~1~