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Thread: hate and insanity.

  1. #1
    Shotty~man
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    Animosity.

    Hate.

    As i look at the attrosaties,way too many
    animosity,all i see is them killing our' prophecy's,in the plently
    no-body friendly,but why can't we show love and compassion like Pac to Afeni
    hate is a disease like typhoid,hitting our modern day society like an asteroid
    annoyed,and all because we fustrated about people alway's being scurrilous
    avoid,being caught up in the cross fire of kamikaze mind's,blind
    how can they mistake these terrible crime's as sublime
    we need act on it befor we find,ourselve's out of time.


    Through the eye's of the criminally insane.

    The wall's of jail almost seem to spell my name
    putting me into a state of shame,calling me out like smoke to a flame
    my eye's like fire,i don't know what's my goal but im sure ill find my desire
    through the wire,driving me insane,drips from tap tourture me
    pain on the brain,im without,like superman with no louis lane
    blood stain's,perminently mark's existance,hate,still in high consistence
    distant,so i suggest you become a bible possesor
    because im comin at you faster than acid to the professor
    Last edited by Shotty~man; August 10th, 2005 at 08:33 AM

  2. #2
    Since 1990 Woganeen's Avatar
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    i liked this. i just like the way it was said and shit. ya better than me coz i dont do this. keep it up so i can read more. peace homie

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    Overall Net Record= 28-13

    W-O-G

  3. #3
    Shotty~man
    Guest
    can i have some more honest feed back please.

    ~1~

  4. #4
    Shotty~man
    Guest
    uppin for feed back yo.

  5. #5
    SunSpit
    Guest
    U did a good job. I really liked da vocab n flow. Some people probably wont read it correctly tho. As I said tho real good vocab. Keep droppin. Good shit. Rtf on da links in my sig.

  6. #6
    Shotty~man
    Guest
    ^^^anyone that can rhyme will read it rite and that's all that counts lol

    thanks ~1~

  7. #7
    Shotty~man
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    upping for more feed....

  8. #8
    youngclip
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    dats was good i was feelin your vocab datz some nice shit

  9. #9
    Shotty~man
    Guest
    thank's.

    uppin for more feed.

  10. #10
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    With some transitional lines, these two stanzas could be combined. The first stanza was so general, that you could tie it into the second. This would give you a better full-length verse also. Rhyming was solid, but I would have liked to have seen a switch between stanza, the placement was similar. You had wordplay, but it seemed forced into the verse, try easing it into the piece more.
    Return the feedback
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219649

  11. #11
    Shotty~man
    Guest
    bump.

  12. #12
    Shotty~man
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    bumpin for feed back yo.

  13. #13
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    not bad...kinda short.bein the exact 15 line min..but a dope drop...good imagery...vocab was well utilized....wordplay...kinda simple but worked with your piece....pretty dope...~1~


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  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title! southsideloco's Avatar
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    Really like this drop, the vocab was the main thing that caught my attention cuz of the way you put into wordplay and rhymed it. The structure was also good, easily readable. I love the creativity in this piece most of all because you gave us both views of hatred and the mad man, even thought they could've been tied, i would prefer to read it like it is. overall it was a dope piece and all you can do is keep flowin and get better.

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  15. #15
    Shotty~man
    Guest
    uppin for more feed back yo

    and thank yall for the feed already.

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