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Thread: Dissapearing Clouds

  1. #1
    Quarantined
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    Dissapearing Clouds

    Dissapearing Clouds

    A cloaked man, provoked but not convinced with his status
    Sauntered up the stratosphere and unearthed an apparatus
    The clouds revealed a lattice where business was transacted
    They protracted and impacted with extracted distractions
    And were acted, not through reaction, but ample creation

    A sanctioned station; secluded but not positively unknown
    Sacred to many, a home…
    ………………..The clouds broke and a voice spoke alone
    It intoned prone probing, coping with faithful assumption
    The discussion spoken, entailed the man’s own consumption
    The cloud’s second function, tipped precipitation on dead ground

    The man awoke in his impound, drowning in his possessions
    His dream had professed an impression; a new found obsession
    He had nothing to question – just his mind’s expression was art
    Concealed in the dark, sharks circled in as he pieced together an ark
    Stark farce and gale force winds exploded from above…

    Like the wings of a dove, animals came in pairs with hiatus
    The clouds had created death while the greatest embraced it
    They repopulated, the storm changed the face of the land
    The face of the man, was later buried in sand
    Animals slandered the land, which a new man could soon perceive

    *The clouds part*

    So it came to be, God would develop a story with Adam and Eve.
    Noah had a covenant agreed, but he forgot an ally to breed
    And so you can see, the day that God invented greed.

    *The sky darkens again*




    #1
    #2
    Last edited by Quarantined; July 29th, 2005 at 01:50 AM

  2. #2
    Quarantined
    Guest
    thanks for the feedback.

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Damn, I'm seeing a lot of deep pieces here lately, and this is one of them. The vocab was killer, it flowed really well and it kept me reading all throughout. The ending was the icing on the cake. Definitely a hot one and keep elevatin.

  4. #4
    Banned
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    liked the font...structre was sweet.....flow was smooth...vocab was iight could be better.........topic was kool......rhymes were incredible...great job..keep it up...and keep droppin......i'm lookin forward to a future drop by you...... return the favor on the linkz in my sig below

  5. #5
    Quarantined
    Guest
    ^ the links dont work.......

  6. #6
    Quarantined
    Guest
    more feedback please...................

  7. #7
    Quarantined
    Guest
    dont sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

  8. #8
    Quarantined
    Guest
    uppin again...................

  9. #9
    Alize59
    Guest
    yo this was some real deep shit. Good job on diz. Nice use of vocab n nice multis. The flow was real good and yea da endin was quite perfect. Keep up da good work. I'll b readin ur stuff more often. Please rtf on my piece "On Lock"

  10. #10
    Quarantined
    Guest
    ?^ leave a link brother

  11. #11
    Quarantined
    Guest
    up...............

  12. #12
    Quarantined
    Guest
    veteran feed?..........................

  13. #13
    Quarantined
    Guest
    ..............................................

  14. #14
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    pretty ill...i liked tha imagery...your vocab was tight...your piece had complexity...had some ill wordplay a tight rhyme scheme...and i felt tha emotion mos def...all in all ill piece...keep droppin tha hottness.~1~


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  15. #15
    nice piece
    I ain't got time for Bitchiz,
    Gotta keep my mind on my mothafuckin rich's.
    Even when I die they don't worry me,
    Mama don't cry, Burry Me A "G"!

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