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Thread: Wrongful Conviction

  1. #1
    I-Dol
    Guest

    Wrongful Conviction

    part for a collab, written a while back, was no long thing,

    i had the second half of the collab, here it is:

    footsteps resonate, approachin his door
    he doesn’t have a single tear left to expose anymore
    Hes thrown on the floor, his whole body bruised
    Hurt that nobody knew, that his story was true
    An innocent man now being dragged from his cell
    Knowing In less than an hour heel meet the blackness of hell
    Wishing he’d ran from the jail, prays for a gift from above
    Contemplates whether his wife and kid have shifted their love
    This shit aint enough, they arrive at the death chamber
    Hes Almost begging for the moment when he’ll be left painless
    his arrests shameless, wishes the feds were straight
    or investigation systems of the corrupt Texas state
    minds left his state, and now they’re strapping him up
    a last wave of sadness cos whats happened just sucks
    its like theyre havin some fun, I mean they do this all the time
    mistreat and beat people discreetly before they die
    was he born to die? They’re preparing the syringe
    overwhelming desires to survive are tearing at his limbs
    a mans about to die all because people take wrong facts
    his darkening mind swivels as the needle makes contact
    He starts twitching crazy like a tree in a storm
    The fit hits and splits him, his screaming adjourns
    His feelings deform, sounds come quietly now
    misty signals from him wonder if this is what dyings about
    Hes left critically hoping, feels like his physicals smoking
    A mind cynically broken cos now the synergy’s spoken
    Hearts energy slows an’ its farewell to a poor soldier
    The image of his wife and child go, its all over….

  2. #2
    dreadedfistofthenorthwest
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Elympia
    Age
    34
    Posts
    2,713
    Battle Record
    14-6
    yo b, that was pretty tight ill type flow, the story was ill tight too man,
    the description of the whole piece was totally sick b, i enjoyed that shit very much,
    the whole shabangabang i enjoyed it man. the flow was pretty dece. the vocab shit was amazing yo, i definitly wanna here more from you man
    The R.
    -The Illest Ever Kid-

  3. #3
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Age
    39
    Posts
    5,316
    Battle Record
    15-10
    pretty dope....you had a real ill rhyme scheme....your piece flowed very nicely....you vocab was tight...your imagery was there...you could have elaborated more but it was still pretty tight.....i really felt your piece man..keep droppin tha hottness.~1~


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  4. #4
    I-Dol
    Guest
    cheers guys, appreciate the feedback

    upping for some more

  5. #5
    Dae'
    Guest
    this piece was dope, everythings on point i was really into the story good stuff man keep it up

  6. #6
    I-Dol
    Guest
    cheers man...

  7. #7
    I-Dol
    Guest
    upping for some more feedback please

  8. #8
    I-Dol
    Guest
    uppety

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! ExPlOsIvE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    UK, Wales
    Age
    36
    Posts
    180
    sickkk mann, whole fing was ill. The flow was on point, wrdplay was nice and multis and that were sick.

    nice drop man, keep droppin

  10. #10
    I-Dol
    Guest
    cheers man...

    see your from the UK aswell

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Night_Walker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    In Ur Moms Bed
    Posts
    3,603
    Battle Record
    8-3
    yo this was hot man the way u described every detail man alls dat i can say is dat this shit was hot good job

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    DOPE PERCEPTION

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
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    Battle Record
    0-1
    nice flow and multis. It made me want to read it all the way through. It good imagry. I could picture it in my head really well. Internal rhyming could give this an edge and make it better. Keep elevating and writing.
    Me vs. Bullfrog


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    Me vs .Blaze.


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    Me vs Rhymerologist


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    Come on people please vote on my battles i want to close them.
    <br>

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  13. #13
    I-Dol
    Guest
    cool...

  14. #14
    I-Dol
    Guest
    uppety

  15. #15
    I-Dol
    Guest
    anyone else want to leave crit on this?...........

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