My Life.

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..In Someone Elses Point Of View.




Twin Narrators
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*One story told by two diffirent perspectives*

*Narrator 1: Jesus Christ*
This kid was quite nice, Even though he sinned all his life
So he spent all his nights, Tryin to repente back to Christ
Slighty fixin his ties, By whispering cries that drift into sky
His wisdom was blind, So diminished his vision was slight
So sick of his eyes, he despised to even print out the light
This kid was twisted inside, Till he realized he had a heart
Right then the passion sparked,..Right passed his thoughts
Passive parts, His massive props, had over lapse the dark
To bring happy thoughts, Then gradually, sadden brought
Madness arts that damaged lots, Damn, what a tragic loss
Another rapper gone, vanished,captured by his own lyrics
Shattered his own spirit, what kinda disasterous soul is this
When every pastor an pope fears it?, But all that changed
Becuase one day he called my name,...At the start of pray
So I paused and wait, And listen as his thoughts explained
His heart was pained, Harmed and slayed, Dark displayed
It fell apart in days, So when it stopped he start complaints
Stall, then starts to talk with God in vein, a promise breaks
He contemplates, then stops the breaks like a parkin space
He starts to stray, He's lost his ways,.....So he walks away


*Narrator 2: The Devil*

Straight from a bottomless pit,....Birthed from a army of six
Spawned a problem within,...A dark consceince that sinned
He promised hes sick, So twisted he'd spit an vomit on kids
He's like a glitch in a document print, Makin the copier shift
Harnesting the darkest of sins,...This kid is obviously a prick
Everyone wishin he'd prolly just quit, but his pain is ageless
Contained and sacred, His brain is basically based on hatred
If he keeps pacing his frame he'd break it, his face is greyish
He's just another face thats nameless, This lame's just basic
His rage is caged in, It's outragous, how hes stays insane an
Slaved to hatred, He paints the pages, that'll end his chapter
So he trys to repente to pastors, clearin the sins he raptured
But It just doesn't happen,...As quick as he did the bad work
So now hes pissed an badgured, Wishing he did it backwards
But hes to bussy dishin bad words, constantly dissin rappers
Always from distant platforms, mixtures of evil hurt em badly
Diffirent of people murked em nasty,he derserv'd the act see
Actually worse then that heat,... But now his words are fancy
Hes worth the happy, so he got baptise on a church's balcony

Feed:

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210591
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210528

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Incase Jekyll Decides To Close This Again...

Holla Jeky Holla

So Fuck Off !! Just Kidding Yo.

But Word, Upping.

[.Symbol.]

ok imagery was good on point loved the intro it was a good piece, you're multies wow there was full of them, wordplay was on point and you stayed on topic through out it structure was good as well, you're whole OM was dope for real, it was asuch a good piece i'll probably could read it againt lol keep it up...

[Plain-Thug]

Tight piece man.Every thing in here was ill.Nice intro's for both perspectives.Everything went welll and u stayed on topic.Most people on this OM thing get off topic and talk about sumthing else or similiar.Mad props dawg.

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Thanks For The Feed, Upping.

[Jawn Raw]

you have a interesting type of style, it flows very well and the stucture is very good somethings i didnt see which i really like to read are multiples try and use them and up your vocabulary a lot more, your rhyme scheme could use work as well, but the imagery is very good, your a pretty good topical writer but you could use a lil bit of elevation overall i was feeling this, keep it up

rtf in my new om Confessions links in the sig.

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Thanks For The Feed People, Lets Get Some More !!...


..Upping.

[<(UnDiSpUtEd)>]

well the imagery was superb, you used good words to explain the scenario and had an excellent grasp for catching the readers attention, you compared the 2 things very well and definitely had the best OM ive seen in a long time so you get my nomination for Open Mic of the month no doubt

[CrazyCarl]

You showed some complexity in your rhyming, and kept the piece being a smooth read. Vocab was solid, and you went into good description. I would have liked the see you use the first person in the devil's verse. The topic is good, but the title is a little deceiving, since it's not a usual "My Life" open mic.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210425

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Thanks For The Feed Yo.

Upping.

[Route 1]

Yea nice flow and wordplay...Well written and nicely told story tellin between 2 very different people...The multies were good to...keep it up and keep posting

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Umm, Word ?

Thanks Anyway People, Upping For More Feed.

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Damn, Its Getting Slept On..

Upping.

[rile1]

damn ads u killed tha mic *points to it on ground* lol..nice dude, tha way u wrote tha point of views and still got the point across impressed me. And ur vocab was jsut really phenominal, I liked ur wordplay as well man.....a nice read for me and I think more ppl would like it too, keep writing 9/10.

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word, thanks man...

upping.