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Thread: The HAtE 4 LOvE

  1. #1
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
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    The HAtE 4 LOvE


    my hate for love is infinite because i cant trust the oppisite sex
    -as soon they see another nigger they wanna quickly undress
    the pain is everyday for me, dont let it sink too deep or i'll dround
    -in my own nightmares i hear (1,2 freddy coming 4u) the same sound
    some one kill me because i cant breathe in this air its to leathal
    -i believe in god entirely but nobody on earth can stop this evil
    my poetry comes from heart, like a flower and its nectar
    -the taste is so sweet,thats why my rimes release so much pleasure
    only to a certain measure may we adore the unlimited forms of leisure
    -but it seems to a certain extent the good turns into poisonous nectar
    if u dont understand or if you dont rate me for my vision
    -then fuck you bitch, coz i'm trying change are destination

    why did are parents bring us into a world, were we all born to kill
    -coz it seems everyday another dies, looks like we were born to thrill
    as the hairs grow on my chest,as the tears grow on my face
    -as the enemy gets closer, we loose too much in are race
    all i get is i love you-and tremz i'll protect you for eternity
    -but as it starts to rain, they run away to a easier society
    they say life like a box a choclate i say its like a rose flower
    -as the petals drop off the rose, we loose a nigga every hour!


    1st link
    2nd link
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  2. #2
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
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    uppin

    uppin,

    All reply's left will be returned!
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  3. #3
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    Alright concept, I thought the first verse was better from a standpoint of complexity, whereas the second verse had more emotion. Using the internals was good, as you keep practicing with those, you'll improve on where to put them. You'll also be able to keep that scheme going longer throughout the piece. Structure was fine. Keep working on improving your word choice.
    Thanks for checking out my piece.

  4. #4
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CrazyCarl
    Alright concept, I thought the first verse was better from a standpoint of complexity, whereas the second verse had more emotion. Using the internals was good, as you keep practicing with those, you'll improve on where to put them. You'll also be able to keep that scheme going longer throughout the piece. Structure was fine. Keep working on improving your word choice.
    Thanks for checking out my piece.
    Thanks yo, wow i'm elevating lol! For true thanks for the feed carl!
    written voices makes hidden noises

  5. #5
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    well as far as carl put it,i couldnt really say anything except nice piece,imagery, multis,it was tight mos def kid,keep elevatin and droppin.~1~


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  6. #6
    aiiyo ill shit son you definetly good mos def.
    1

  7. #7
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
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    ...

    thanks yaahl, all your opinions are thanked! keep em coming. I'll return the favour
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