Stromash

[f-gee]

some say i'm a cynic,pessimistic
i should look on the brightside,but where the fuck is it?
lets be realistic i'm not with this shit being only twenty
lady luck turned her back once and i'd drunk the glass half empty
fin,the end,game over
i put a negative spin on things til im dizzy and keel over
i'm not doing things when busy,so time feels slower
yeah theres light at the end of the tunnel
but it never gets any closer
the spark plugs gone from my motor as i merge into a sofa
cos right now i'm feelin less driven than a chauffer
i'm mad i didnt get a piece of the pie fufillin my quota
so i'll gather the crumbs u left on the plate
when its make or break
and turn them into a future that u didnt bother to scrape
scientists say im evolved from ape
but we're deeper in the jungle than when we first started
humanity has parted now we're urbanised,
in an age of lies,where the media tells us to be scared of turbaned guys
til im reduced to what on earths and whys
somewhere in me a circuit dies
as the crooked rule the roost
you're supposed to be able trust those in the black and blue suits
its no wonder why people turn to crack and crew routes
and there they stoop below an ounze of respect
wondering whether to sell a habit or inject
reps now damaged or wrecked
daubed with a bit of tarnish
either cleanin the streets or livin off the garbage
this worlds full of shit and im up to my armpits
in the eye of the sandstorm waitin for the calm bits
tired and meek, on my face is where my palm sits
then it ceased
i took a walk on a newly formed beach
when a shell came a calling to me
i put it to my ear expecting to hear neptune speak
but i heard music with words to beats
and knew then that i'd heard of peace

[Bounce]

Now that's the shit OM was lacking right there, great to have you back, even for just a drop. Very nice man, I really liked this, and I think the new comers here will benifit from all you guys coming back. That closer was just right, smooth and easy to folow transitions, everything was done quite well. Nice little drop here, with some very powerful lines. My fav being the last and the whole feeling less driven than choufferes, nice, well done...

[Victorious Secret]

nice shit dude. very complex.

[2hot2handle]

Another dope piece. I liked it and that shit is true. The structure was aight but ya coulda broke it down. Good vocab and ya werent forcing anything. Ya spit ya feelings in it and that is dope. Good metaphors and saying the truth. Work more on structure and try some different rhymes and ya will improve better. Good piece man.

Hit mine up its called Stop the Separation.

[Edicius]

sup fam?

[Rawganic]

You know what Fgee? Ditch the typical fucking RnR thing with a sort of cliched punchline on every follow up line, it gets repetitive and pretty boring actually. Maybe once a piece I wouldnt care about, BUT when you do it every other line its irritating and loses its appeal because you over-do it. Your flows a lot better, your rhyme schemes arent. But thankfully, you havent fallen into the boredom of thinking even lines matter for shit, I can see how some of these newer kids would like stuff like this:

some say i'm a cynic,pessimistic
i should look on the brightside,but where the fuck is it?
lets be realistic i'm not with this shit being only twenty
lady luck turned her back once and i'd drunk the glass half empty
fin,the end,game over
i put a negative spin on things til im dizzy and keel over
i'm not doing things when busy,so time feels slower
yeah theres light at the end of the tunnel
but it never gets any closer
the spark plugs gone from my motor as i merge into a sofa
cos right now i'm feelin less driven than a chauffer
i'm mad i didnt get a piece of the pie fufillin my quota


But to be honest, all you're doing now is what I was doing at RNR over two years ago. Peep:

http://www.rhymenreason.net/forum/sh...ighlight=Afett

[Skribble]

man,this was the shizznit,this was complex and great!!!!!!!!!! i would give this a wopping 9.5/10!!!keep it comin!!

[Richard Parker]

You know what Fgee? Ditch the typical fucking RnR thing with a sort of cliched punchline on every follow up line, it gets repetitive and pretty boring actually. Maybe once a piece I wouldnt care about, BUT when you do it every other line its irritating and loses its appeal because you over-do it. Your flows a lot better, your rhyme schemes arent. But thankfully, you havent fallen into the boredom of thinking even lines matter for shit, I can see how some of these newer kids would like stuff like this:

some say i'm a cynic,pessimistic
i should look on the brightside,but where the fuck is it?
lets be realistic i'm not with this shit being only twenty
lady luck turned her back once and i'd drunk the glass half empty
fin,the end,game over
i put a negative spin on things til im dizzy and keel over
i'm not doing things when busy,so time feels slower
yeah theres light at the end of the tunnel
but it never gets any closer
the spark plugs gone from my motor as i merge into a sofa
cos right now i'm feelin less driven than a chauffer
i'm mad i didnt get a piece of the pie fufillin my quota


But to be honest, all you're doing now is what I was doing at RNR over two years ago. Peep:

http://www.rhymenreason.net/forum/sh...ighlight=Afett

= jerk

[Chris Black]

It was cool. I somewhat agree with Raw though. I'm not much into that style. I've seen you drop 10x better, but this was still above average. Nice to see you dropping shit here again.

[f-gee]

cam you're a fucking arse
if you talked anymore shit you'd have a colostomy bag over your mouth
enough of the bollocks get on with your own writing..but to be honest it has deteriorated from the shit i've seen you post

[Dan Dare]

I'm not too sure what Baron was on about, this was nice, I loved the tone; strong, and yet kind of frail and antiquated at the same time...there were a few lines that came across forced, and some parts seemed rushed a little...nothing too serious...strong drop overall. Nice job man.

& Lol at Baron complaining about the 'punchlines' in this, and then you retorting with a 'punchline', of a different kind, in you post:

if you talked anymore shit you'd have a colostomy bag over your mouth

I found that that ironic, lol. Nominated for HoF.

[ninjaboy]

real nice piece. i could identify with a lot of it. how looking at the world gets you down, and how we haven't really made the changes we need.

"the spark plugs gone from my motor as i merge into a sofa
cos right now i'm feelin less driven than a chauffer"

that was the dopest line. really felt it right there.

[Rawganic]

= jerk

No, I actually just cant stand that style of writing. Call it personal preference if you like, but its just SO cliched and boring now. Just check the link I dropped, its from 2003, and THATS when I was using this style. It is not Two fucking years later and you people are reading this style STILL considering it dope?! I actually find that quite amusing to be honest. This piece wasnt poorly written or anything, so Fgee, dont take what I said to heart - Its just a word of advice, DONT GET PIGEONHOLED INTO THAT RNR STYLE OF WRITING. You become like clones, all doing the same thing. I know, I did it, I stopped and elevated further. I didnt bring it up to have a dig at you, I was just pointing it out so you dont make the same mistakes I did. Thats all.

[Rawganic]

cam you're a fucking arse
if you talked anymore shit you'd have a colostomy bag over your mouth
enough of the bollocks get on with your own writing..but to be honest it has deteriorated from the shit i've seen you post

Look yeah, Im not going to go back and forth on some `im better than you` tip, but the facts are - I did stuff like you're doing now over two years ago. Ive moved on. You are actually two years behind me, so, I dont expect you to fully appreciate what im doing now. You see, to be a complete topical writer takes more than a good twist, flow and multis, there are also limitations you must pose on yourself, RHYME SCHEMES! Boundaries that you must put into place for yourself and work around, and thats what im doing now. Its not that its `deteriorated` in anyway, I could easily churn out piece after piece like Im used to, BUT - I wouldnt be challenging myself. So where is the fun in that?! I dont mind you disagreeing with what i said, but dont you EVER try to put me down as far as my writing goes.

[Rawganic]

I'm not too sure what Baron was on about, this was nice, I loved the tone; strong, and yet kind of frail and antiquated at the same time...there were a few lines that came across forced, and some parts seemed rushed a little...nothing too serious...strong drop overall. Nice job man.

& Lol at Baron complaining about the 'punchlines' in this, and then you retorting with a 'punchline', of a different kind, in you post:


I found that that ironic, lol. Nominated for HoF.

I didnt say it was a bad piece, I just strongly advise not using that style. Its horrible, and over-done by cookie-cutter RnR heads, to the extent where I cant stand writing like that now. It becomes monotonous, and actually, pretty predictable because you know the cliche is going to follow almost automatically.