Topical
Must drop in 2 hours.
Topics:
Helpless
Mandatory Feelings
Closed Off
Topical
Must drop in 2 hours.
Topics:
Helpless
Mandatory Feelings
Closed Off
Check, let's make line length 10-20 lines. I'm going to go with "Closed Off."
kk i jus finished a battle we can feed yer u go 1st
yo im off the simple folk wat does mandatory mean
aite my topic is helpless good luck my freind
Closed Off
The ones that I love can no longer reach out and connect
I have halted them, they cannot breach the wall that protects
I use it to keep vulnerability in check, so that harm is not direct
it thus can reflect, to another area where I can lessen effect
but what is correct, when I feel that emotionally I am a wreck
the price I pay to be closed off, is made as a defense strategy
for all the stress that arose often, battering my tense anatomy
a sacrifice, as the rest of my comrades cannot attach to me
they still try to match the strength of my mental barricade
and to defy the wall's length, to release me from this state
but eventually comply and relent, knowing they are too late
believing that I will die content, and they want to relate
as a separated introvert is how I am accurately portrayed
but I am comfortable not being hurt, it's always been this way
yo i cant think, my minds preocupied buy the shattered dream, and my bois that ride/
my heart wont stop racin, to fast pacin, the streeets full of death, its were thugz collide/
yet im helpless, and i breathless, cause i been running from the cops/
tryin to watch my bois back, and at the same time, stop my self from bein shot/
but theres noting we can do, livin like this is jus a way of life for many people/
jus cause they kill to survive, can we really difine between good and evil/
who are we to decide if a home live or die, should we take a life/
yall sayin that ya kill a homie, we kill a homie its like eye for a eye/
yet we all still helpless, theres nuting that no one could ever do/
who could stop this way we all living, please tell me, who.. who.. who/
the foundation of hate that we go out and lay every single night/
we just goin out, frowning on niggas forcing em to fight/
we just throw caustion to the wing let the wind catch our wings/
sore like eagles and angle, not weighed down buy sin/
god understand how helpless we can be, but he can do nutin cant set a homie free/
every one always patronizing and hatein on us, dnt talk like that you wouldnt want to b me/
cause we all helpless and no one will ever care bout the life of a thug/
addicted to this life style, im was born to be a thug/
I liked Killa Soulja's more... they were both clever in terms of lyricism. But I just liked the storyteller approach, more than the political generalization that Crazy Carl took. That being said I enjoyed both... Well done both of you.
V/ KS
P.S. Vote for the Trans battle if you can.
uppinn for votes.........
Carl - You had some nice vocab going for you and it was a well written piece. Some of your bars had multies, but some of them that didn't the flow was a bit off so just be careful of that. You had some lines that were pretty deep like I really liked the introvert line and everything leading up to it, but I wasn't really feeling the closer. I know you ran out of lines but prolly could have closed better. Overall though solid piece.
Killa - You took a very different approach to this with the idea of telling a story of why you're helpless while Carl went for more emotions. I felt like the idea you had could have been better like if you're going to tell a story, make it more creative than running from cops cause I've seen that 1000 times. Overall you came better than expected, but you had some very simple lines. Topicals are your time to be deep and not talk about thugs and niggas as much. Also work on your bars... way too stretched.
Killa came better than expected, but Carl came much deeper with more vocab, emotion, and a better written piece so I'm giving this to him.
Vote - Carl
kk tnx for the feed back this my 1st topical dnt forget tht...
this was a good topical battle yall both had good flow good structure and a good spit they were both well writen and well thought out but i got to vote KS cuz he came wit a betta spit and i enjoyed readin it
ill vote on my otha acount(coco puffs)
v/KS
rtf unda sig
ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE
^^^^^^^my feedback^^^^^^^^^Originally Posted by Mr.NCredible
My Vote Goes 2 Killa 4 Harder Punchez
yo this want a battle well yer but it was a topical wat u doin mayne...
uppin dnt jus feed back vote
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