Off My Medication (16 Bars)

[warchild]

I smoke so much weed i make cheech and chong look like amateurs
I like being sober about as much as real thugs and crooks like cameras
I told my family id calm down but my promised flopped
My crazy style maybe vile but its more rare than an honest cop
Take advice from spike lee do the right not the wrong thing
Cause believe me i'll exort you motherfuckers worse than don king
I just saw my mother shooting up oh well its likely stress
My rhymes are more negative than a virgins HIV test (HUH?)
I'll go back in time with my enemies and play a game of hangman
You talk about busting gats but you wouldnt bust a nut in a gangbang
I laugh more than OJ after his trial at your rapping skills
Cause their more in question than Keanu Reeves acting skills
I got a million contracts on my head so i never make plans
Most mc's in the game are dumber than blonde models with fake tans
I aint scared to grab the nation, i'll fuck with their imagination
Im rapping for the THUGS go entertain your audience the FAGS are waiting
HAHAHAHAHAHA

[Devastate Mindz]

I honestly feel like amateurs and cameras don't naturally rhyme lol, but its cool... IU respect the ludacrous rhyme scheme... The rest of it was definitely, like solid. Consistent ideas and metaphors... Not feeling the repeat on the word skills there. Actually now that I think about it this either looks like a keystyle, or a pre-setting for an audio verse. Whatever the case is, good job and keep it up.

[Mistral]

2 links or this gets closed.

[Awh.Chew]

..Agrees With The First Feed, Learn To Rhyme Jimmy..

[warchild]

I dont need to learn to rhyme son the amateurs and cameras does rhyme if you say it the right way check the syllable count there aint nothing wrong with my rhyming skills.

Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=188791
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=188759

[warchild]

Uppin this.

[Bounce]

Actually there is a considerable amount of wrong in a non technical sense when it comes to your rhyming. First off, I'm not referencing the actual words you used here, but the scheme in which you present them. I understand in audio this choice can blend together sound wise, but these non audio heads will not imediatly recognize that. So to aviod this, just let them know if this is originally planned as audio... If that is in fact the case...

You really need to use a better rhyme scheme, up your vocab and try to weave some complexity into your verse. You can express yourself in an original display and still be gangsta. You do not have to say the same played ass shit to be considered gangsta or thug. Be original, look for elevated ways to pull it off. I can drop gangsta on any track, but I am not going to come off as whack or played because I actually put some thought into what I write. You need to plan this out better and treat it like the art it is... I was not feeling this what so ever