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Thread: 'Horror Movie'-by Indeph

  1. #1
    Legendary. aSap iLL's Avatar
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    'Horror Movie'-by Indeph

    Aight,Read it all.Please.Please.Please.

    ___________________________
    Horror Movie


    I must escape and runaway I can't stand this shit.
    My father struck me in ways that I can't forgive.
    I pack my life in a bag and say goodbye to my past.
    I creep past the door,to the corner,arrive at a cab.
    No money no one to stay with,a blade a packed playstation.
    Gave him the game with a dime,he gave me a ride.
    to the holiday inn,I'm gonna stay here a night.
    give me sometime,to think how I'ma make it in life.
    I'm still a boy,eyes moist,each of my knuckles wet
    I hear a noise...slowly pulling the cover above my head.
    I check around the room...I hear another quick sound.
    I get scared I yell out to quit fuckin around.
    there is a pause then knockin at my door,it all just stopped.
    I'm breathin heavy, I attempt to call the cops.
    The phone has no numbers.....just the maid and wake up hours
    Its a horror movie so for some reason I take a shower.
    I make it out and I put my clothes on with no shirt.
    it aint cold so I'm thinkin "it won't hurt..
    I got sore nerves,so I decide to call it a day though..
    I noticed my name glowing on the brim of a cradle.
    this wasn't here before so I lay low....I check over the room.
    and I notice a dude.for a split second.
    I hear whispers of "I'm still close to you"
    a toddler with a face covered and a stroller too.
    I'm concerned,so I question "are you homeless too"
    He steps out the shadow and his dome is brusied
    His eye is gashed,his nose is dueced,I know this dude...
    But I'm so confused that I chose to move out the room..
    screams runnin out my mouth and soon as I'm out..
    there's like a thousand clues,like arrows and directions with
    routes and fair roads to my resisdents.I'm ahead of him
    I feel relief,but Its like its only me,on these empty streets.
    No lights on,no mice roamin..no life only me...no police..
    I'm startin to think somethings wrong with me.
    Standing in front ss the toddler and an older me.
    I get scared,I reach for the blade stored in a case.
    The Camera moves close to my face,the orchestra plays
    the closer I move close to my home.The toddler slowy he grows.
    the Older me........I noticed he's gone.the to toddler moves close to me.
    He holds my hand.Now I'm sure I know this man.
    He looks how I looked..when I was 5..."look"
    He asked me,why would I run from my childhood.
    I asked "what you mean?" he said
    "you did run from me... you deserve me,no one lives perfectly.."
    I guess I grew up on early means.My life is now important.
    See this is a true story but without the horror.

    ___________________________________________

    1
    Last edited by aSap iLL; April 21st, 2005 at 05:42 PM

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Legendary. aSap iLL's Avatar
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    ...............

  4. #4
    Legendary. aSap iLL's Avatar
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    0 out of 20 people saw this and no feed.Why the fuck did I drop then?

  5. #5
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    i remember you talking about this on aim earlier. im feeling this the imagery was hella good the stucture was good the flow was super good maybe you could use some more multis in there for a better flow or something add some better vocabulary in each line to give it some deph to it. word. lol but overal im feeling this.
    rtf in my OM truth. read it all please

  6. #6
    Legendary. aSap iLL's Avatar
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    ^Thanks fam I'ma get to that when I get back from my girl crib aight.

    pc

  7. #7
    Banned AL CAPONE's Avatar
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    Aim for tha head/ when u say im gon getem nigga//Aim for tha head/ when u say im gon getem nigga//Aim for tha head/ when u say im gon getem nigga//cass lit they ass just to let them know u aint playin witem
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    yo thats hott man good job keep workin at it aight wasnt feelin it too much to call it pefect but ur almost there aight and just work mo on tha vocab man aight and be a little catchy wit ur lines overall verse rate - 8.5/10

  8. #8
    AlmightyDerek
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    I like it. It's a damn good story. You got plenty of multi's, multiple-syllable rhyming, shit and shit. I thought it was kind of ironic that it's titled "Horror Movie" when there isn't too much horror within the context of the lyrics, but oh well, it's good either way. I thought it was going to be a ghost story by the end...yes, we know you're all alone. You got a good style. Get lonelier because the lonelier you are, the more influenced you'll become to put out dope shit. keep it up

  9. #9
    Ehud
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    yo the concept was allrite.. I feel the first line bout pops.. it flowed very well only if the peeps read it correctly.. all I got to say is I gave it a 7 out of ten.. since the topic was so well explain..

  10. #10
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    yo deph that favour returned please.

  11. #11
    Legendary. aSap iLL's Avatar
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    Upping this.... Can i get some feedback?

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