"Truth" A Long Story

[Jawn Raw]

Truth..
As the water runs smoothly I began to run Roughly
It seems as if I’m being chased by everyone around Me
All the pain just feels like god is bowling on my Soul
Lots tell lies, its hard not knowing I cant achieve my Goal
As I reminisce it seems like I aint moving Occupations
Its hard to tell, surely its hard proving my Frustrations
I held in the pain enough, its about time I shed a Tear
Cant this misery just stop, at least loves ahead of my Fear
Surely I will break and cry, even if there’s no Relation
If I don’t watch myself, the bad will hit & show Frustration
But no matter what the water never pushes me Harder
I’ll be defending myself cause I got the key to my Armor
All the lies can be lies, I’m still going to act Sarcastic
It seems like a habit, I cant surpass it and react Erratic
Hopefully I could get help with my troubles and Fears
Surpass my peers, stuck in doubles without a Career
Being 14 with parents that got Issues, dads on Welfare
Now he’s saying he has to move back to Ontario is Unfair
Moms trying to get money that he doesn’t even Got
Going to court, I know dad will win but thats a Thought
As the water runs down the stream I begin to Scream
People say im a fiend, well I wanna win cause im Extreme
Lots of lies but some truth but nothing is ever Relinquished
When I think my thoughts vanish, I seem to never Finish
No matter how hard I try my best to get good and Elevate
Someone always says don’t bother, even if I could Relate
No matter what I’ll never stop even if im covered in Hate
I’m sick of the critical statements, were the hell is Fate!
I tried to run, now I understand all this damn Confusion
Well I came up to a conclusion, stay tall its an Illusion
Theres no end to my life even when I die, I’ll be Resurrected
But no matter what I need to be ready for Unexpected
I’m gonna be around, even when the water ends it Peek
People call me unique, only because I fight, I aint Weak
All the lies are behind me so don’t bother it’ll never Work
The past few years were alright, still I sever being a Jerk
I preyed enough, why doesn’t God ever pay Attention
I’ve had many infections, still I try to obey his Ascension
The water line is soon to end, good-thing im Prepared
I’ve asked for a little attention and everything is Declared

Drop Ya Links Ill Leave Feed..

[Jawn Raw]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=186628
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=186662

[Syck-spytta]

this was a deep peice...i liked it....good vocab and some multi use....rate it a 7 of 10.

[Jawn Raw]

thanks for noticing me using multies. word. uppin

[CrazyCarl]

This was a nice drop. You made it personal, put some emotion to it. I thought the piece could use a chorus. I thought this line, "Lots of lies but some truth but nothing is ever Relinquished," would work with another line after that. You used the same set-up, with lots of lies, as you did earlier, and it could work as the idea for the chorus. The multis supported the flow, and structure was fine.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=185738

[Jawn Raw]

i forgot to say that this was from a old battle verse and why would i use a hook for a battle verse. No. lol. but thanks for the feed.

[Jawn Raw]

uppin.............

[Jawn Raw]

uppin..................

[Jawn Raw]

uppin................

[AL CAPONE]

its aight but u need to work at it more ok man just work on flow and vocab a little and ull elevate ok man overall verse rate - 6.0/10

[AlmightyDerek]

This is a good piece. You have a nice, even flow to it. I liked the lines, All the lies can be lies, I’m still going to act Sarcastic / It seems like a habit, I cant surpass it and react Erratic"...some good shit, as well as, "I tried to run, now I understand all this damn Confusion / Well I came up to a conclusion, stay tall its an Illusion."
Overall, I think it's well-written...I just think you should add more multi's and harder punches for it to become an exceptional piece. Good job.

[Jawn Raw]

its aight but u need to work at it more ok man just work on flow and vocab a little and ull elevate ok man overall verse rate - 6.0/10

your wack i should get you banned for that why dont you read it before you jsut say shit. i had multis they might be weak but that amkes a good flow and my vocab was very good. so shut your bitch ass up throw some newb dicks in yo mouth.

[Jawn Raw]

This is a good piece. You have a nice, even flow to it. I liked the lines, All the lies can be lies, I’m still going to act Sarcastic / It seems like a habit, I cant surpass it and react Erratic"...some good shit, as well as, "I tried to run, now I understand all this damn Confusion / Well I came up to a conclusion, stay tall its an Illusion."
Overall, I think it's well-written...I just think you should add more multi's and harder punches for it to become an exceptional piece. Good job.

well thanks man, but you cant use punches in a topical verse. its called creativty/wordplay/metaphores. not really metas tho kinda it depends and yea multis i could use i did have some eternal multis in there but im working on using orignal multis and eternal ones. but thanks uppin

[Jawn Raw]

uppin..............

[Jawn Raw]

uppin..........