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Thread: Cold Red Stranger

  1. #1
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Cold Red Stranger

    The Cold Red Stranger

    Mother Nature is weeping.....
    Mother Mary is keeping her strong while she's weakening.
    Each of there pain is deepening as the evening draws closer to being.
    Leaving Nature for a moment Mary seeks out the phone and holds onto it.
    She dials a number with the compliment of an angel...
    ...An unconcious, incompetent failure...
    DANGER! For onto Nature's manger lies the cold red stranger,
    He embraces her..."You Called?!"
    Without hesitation she falls to the floor, pouring out her sins through her core,
    "I Know You Already Know What I Called You Here For, Lord."
    He scorned "Yes! Of Course!
    ...But I Want To Hear It Uttered Through Those Battered Lips Of Yours!"
    She paused and then forced herself to talk...
    "War!! War!! What Was It Created For?
    All Of Your Children Are Dead, More Are Dying..."
    He interrupted her crying, he confronted her sighing...
    "Sweet Child Of Mine Behind That Blind Mask,
    You Didn't Need My Precious Time To Answer Which You Ask."
    As fast as he appeared... WHOOSH!!... He disappeared,
    And when the smoke cleared Mary noticed he had left the sign that she feared...
    A note signed and sealed, delivered so... So... So real.
    With coldness she couldn't feel she knelt beside Mother Nature,
    "NOOOOO!" She cried, for this Devil had raped her...
    She embraced her dying face with a kiss and whispered...
    "This Wasn't What I Wanted..."
    She took her hand and held onto it,
    Knowing her vision was haunted and still so, so distorted...
    "... I Thought I Called Up God, But It Was The Devil Who Stood Before Us.
    We Must Battle Back Through The Sins And Not Let The Bastard Win..."
    She closed her eyes and resited each and all the psalms...
    She tried so hard to fight it but Mother Nature died right there in her arms.


    ------
    I hope you know where I was coming from with this...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=186744
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=186228
    Last edited by Issue; April 19th, 2005 at 06:57 PM

  2. #2
    i thought the word play was tight.I just thougth it was kind of weird.Dont take that the wrong way.1 thing that was good about it it was different and it had suprises.I never thought mary would get raped.keep doing wut u doing
    Lyfe & Death

  3. #3
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    It was meant to be wierd, and it had a hidden meaning that people should be able to understand.....

    Upp

  4. #4
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Excuse me???

    Upppp

  5. #5
    you are horrible please, this is pathetic clearly.

  6. #6
    Hellavated
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    haha dont listen 2 40 cal... obviouslly he dont know wat hes talkin about...

    so shit man this shit was wacked! you layed it down nicely.... lol im kinda a slow nigga from the south yanoe wat i mean? so half those words i was like wtf... i actually went 2 dictionnairy.com 2 check some o that shit out... so by sayin that that means the vocab was awesome! the structure was good, flow... well there was a couple lines in there that jus didnt seem 2 fit properly, ya might wanna check it out.. storyline was good and surprising, there was alot o twists in thurr and i liked that, obviouslly judging by that i can tell u r a catholic cuz sum1 who wasnt would not b able 2 write a piece like that.... and the rhyming! holyshit u is gettin like triples and quads in there man! that shit is insane! yo issue u have gained my respect in the past but every time i read ur shit my respect 4 u just rockets yanoe wat i mean? ur peices r always awesome and this 1 is no different, u never sease 2 amaze me... i wanna know something and u dont have to tell me if u dont want 2 but where u get your ideas fo yo pieces? cause they not like everyone elses and it's insane... keep it up man u have a talent there
    I.J.L Reppin
    Tatt And Blue Perhaps You Knew

  7. #7
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Lol, now you I like....

    I get inspiration from anywhere man, I drop pieces like this through my imagination, check around this site a lot of people are better than me.

    And no Im not a Catholic, but I appreciate the reply a lot.

    Upp

  8. #8
    Na~Ledge
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    Whoa. Thats one of the best pieces that you've written.....Maybe the best overall. I loved the use of internal rhyme in this piece. It's very hard to pull off and still have good flow throuhout your storyline, but you did it marvelously. Vocab was decent, but your imagery and attention to detail was great. the only thing that I think anyone could falut you on might be your structure, some of the lines were not balanced, however this drop was so welll written that I don't think it mattered very much. Would have liked to see it a little bit longer, but still an excellent verse. Keep reppin fam.

    Peace.

  9. #9
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Thank you man, I appreciate it.

    Bump!

  10. #10
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Would you hump with the bump??

    BUMP!

  11. #11
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Upp past all the closed BS and the old stuff......

  12. #12
    . . .
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    this was okay, nothing special .. i saw you do better.

  13. #13
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Ok man, not the greatest feed I could of recieved really

  14. #14
    Eve Alminds
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    you picked us up from the start and took us away on a journey...i think that you held the story very well within the peice you've created...a good message being passed here...good flow and good vocabulary on the go...not that you need to be told that...i agree that it could have been a bit longer and you could have taken this idea a lot further but it is an overall good piece with imagination that people should take the time to have a read of...She dials a number with the compliment of an angel...is one of my favourite lines...it creates an interesting picture for me......at first look i was confused by the red but then it made perfect sense as i read through it i think that it's good to seperate the different speeches this way it's an effective way of getting the message across...keep on with peices as good as this and all your rest!!!

  15. #15
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    Thank you for the feed.

    Upp

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