User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: my race

  1. #1
    lyrical burst
    Guest

    my race

    growin up in a lil hood, now livin it up in da burbs,
    i've been gettin high for a minute, damn dis fuckin herb,
    deez fuckin white girls (pause)
    got me in love twirls (pause)
    they p's don't respect me at first cause i'm mexican,
    i got more balls and work than da anglo saxon americans,
    dis stress makes me light up 2, like bob marley jamaicans,
    my first impression is always claimed to be the best,
    being professional comes easy to me, unlike the rest
    i know they don't appreciate me fuckin their daughter,
    but they got to understand... she loves this pussy slaughter,
    it don't matter if ur brown, black, or white,
    u just gotta let them see ur whole insight
    if ur true to urself, ur potential is easily seen,
    hittin that ring, once i hear that bell ring,
    work, work, work,
    yes sir, pops u know u come first,
    family stregnth isn't malleable,
    its stronger than the hunger of a cannibal,
    like titanium,
    it can break through and block any obstacle,

  2. #2
    Komatose
    Guest
    nice lil piece. easy wordplay but it flowed nice. good job.

  3. #3
    lyrical burst
    Guest
    thanks bro

  4. #4
    The True Psycho of RB
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    My Own Mind
    Age
    41
    Posts
    3,164
    Battle Record
    1-0
    This was ok nothing reallt grabbed the attention no punchlines or metaphors there was a decent story rhyme in there but you didnt write enough on the subject.
    The structure vocab and flow needs work just try and write something longer then you'll get better and more feed.

    Reply to this please.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=176403

  5. #5
    Na~Ledge
    Guest
    Vocab was kinda lacking and I really wasn't sure wher your were trying to go as far as a story line. however u did show potential, and its always good to drop pieces about stuff ur actually going through, makes for the best drops. Just keep writing and u'll elevate thrpugh practice.


    Return the Favor...links in the sig

  6. #6
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

  7. #7
    BRB, Jumping Ship Baron Mynd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 1985
    Location
    Bilston, Wolverhampton
    Age
    35
    Posts
    15,356
    Battle Record
    11-5
    Awards 1-2 Punch HW Champion Legendary Member Legendary OM OM HOF SS HW Champion LLL Champion - Award Request Accepted
    The flows there, you could just use work in the areas of, say .. Multi's, an actual rhyme scheme and possibly your vocab. You have a voice there, and a basic grasp for storytelling - you just have to build on it. Sign into the SS league, you'll probably lose - but shit, it'll help you a lot.

    There's potential there, just work at it.


    Props kid.

    WORD P e r f e c t !


    RESERVOIR GODS


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  8. #8
    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    22,247
    Battle Record
    12-1
    I didn't really like this. Average rap shit. :-/
    Hence Forward
    axis powers

  9. #9
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,866
    Battle Record
    3-0
    Some alright vocab in spots. Instead of pausing during those two lines, fill it with more context. You had some concepts going near the end, that you could have been more descriptive about. Work on filling your lines with context dealing with your topic.
    Return the feedback
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175493

  10. #10
    ThE kId BiG
    Guest
    some vocab could of been better; alot better... but this is aiight, you need to keep on droping some of youre shit and dont take it to the head if plls say that is sucks and shit

    hit me back... feedback on ''CHRISSPISS diss''

    holla

Similar Threads

  1. What Race are You?
    By Johnny Quest. in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 103
    Last Post: March 30th, 2010, 06:20 PM
  2. Race vs Race
    By schizmatic in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: May 1st, 2006, 12:55 AM
  3. What race are YOU!?!?!
    By Logic Speaks in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: July 31st, 2005, 03:02 AM
  4. race?
    By Incineratedrose in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: August 17th, 2004, 07:31 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •