User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 26

Thread: (.Abandon Orphan.).....[classic]

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    188

    (.Abandon Orphan.).....[classic]


    I’m an abandon orphan; I survived abortion with one damaged organ
    Stranded and lonely, I came out the womb after her bandages opened
    Extracted with potions, magics an ointments, I knew I was a odd being
    Probably an off season, Oddly my mother wanted me to stop breathing
    I was harsh treated,… In so much pain I couldn’t feel my heart beating
    I was hardly eating, Growing up they kept me locked in the basement
    Talking to aliens, The only place to sleep was on top of the waste bin
    I was crawling at age ten, The age when, Everybody could run smooth
    Whos to show love to, when the clouds are the only thing to look up to
    I grew to be a tough dude in a rough mood, my first words were fuck you
    I was abruptly rude, An optionless kid at the bottom of the adoption list
    Thought I reached the bottomless pit, Till adopted by Mrs. Johnson Smith
    I was no longer a problem kid, I could finally fill the emotions were there
    They were devoted to care, Both with the same passion promoted to share
    Propitious it appeared, Till over the years when both of my stepparents died
    Once again I was left barren inside, It was almost as if they were buried alive
    Heart broken, My chest tearing like knifes, What was the cause of their death
    Now in their coffins they rest, The cost of their death was causing me stress
    Im haunted by the dead, Once had a mother and dad, Now just a orphan again
    Their souls are my friend, They keep me warm before the coldness begins
    I’m only a kid, I dont even exist, Its like my parents were born with no ribs
    When I was born I was thrown of a cliff,….. Literally tossed to the side
    Miserably exhausted from life, All my parents I visually lost em all twice
    I have to blissfully jog just to strive, I’m willingly to drop and just die
    Like a falling star from the sky, For no reason I was placed on this Earth
    With hate in my nerves, I wish I would have never made it through birth
    It’s amazing I merged, But whats the purpose, Im only a orphanage bastard
    My origin is a disaster, Since my youth I was always ordered by masters
    My motive is vacuous, My soul is disastrous, Broken by sadness
    I’m holdin my madness,… My anger bottled inside could float on Atlantis
    My home is no mansion, Just to survive I chew on the bones in the trashcan
    I’m known as the abandon kid, That barley makes it living through poverty
    Always digging through properties,… I wouldn’t mind winning the lottery
    I hate that I’m from my fathers’ seed, The color of my skin even bothers me
    Everything pothers me, I hope I never awake from the next time I fall asleep


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...81#post2099681

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...89#post2099689

  2. #2
      Skrollz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    VanCity
    Age
    36
    Posts
    2,502
    Battle Record
    43-31
    yo i feel this verse homie...love the rhyme scheme... it really tells a good story
    "My origin is a disaster, Since my youth I was always ordered by masters
    My motive is vacuous, My soul is disastrous, Broken by sadness
    I’m holdin my madness,… My anger bottled inside could float on Atlantis
    My home is no mansion, Just to survive I chew on the bones in the trashcan
    I’m known as the abandon kid, That barley makes it living through poverty
    Always digging through properties,… I wouldn’t mind winning the lottery
    I hate that I’m from my fathers’ seed, The color of my skin even bothers me"


    ^^^ i really feel that homie....... good drop... keep doing ur thang
    My Drift, the mixtape coming this summer be on the look out shit is HOT

  3. #3
    Ink Thesis
    Guest
    ^

    this was not a good drop, this was more like insane...

    this was so dope, just ill...

    im really gonna be on the lookout for more of your stuff...

    the rhyme scheme here seemed as if it was almost perfect... it actually is... dope multies floatin around everywhere... the imagery was nice, but the lines were simply true dopeness... i mean i can quote so many lines, if i do it ill just be pastin almost the whole verse again..

    props for this man...

    peace

  4. #4
    DrFunkMD
    Guest
    Yo nig, that shit was seriously tight. Great flow and use of words.

    Big ups yo. Big ups. Word is born.

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    188
    Thx for takin time to read son,...

    Uppin For Fedd..

  6. #6
    Po'Ethics
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    London
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,212
    Battle Record
    6-4
    Some really nice lines... Good vocabulary... Great flow... I liked this a lot... I could feel the emotion and could see images. This was written well and clearly is a "classic" like it says in the topic. Keep up writing and keep posting I'll be looking out for your stuff. I don't really have any suggestions I thought this was very good.

    If you could check out "Messiah Complex" in my sig I'd appreciate it.

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives

  7. #7
    Awaken
    Guest
    Wow, I Truly hope you get active on RB and post more rather being one of those passer-byers who drop OM's for people's pleasure, and believe me, it was truly a pleasure to read this. Man, everything made sense, EVERYTHING was on point, this whole piece was ILL, literally. Everything flowed perfectly, the multies were insanely good, and they all made sense to what you were talknig about, NOT ONCE did you go off topic and ramble on, every single line stuck with the topic. Few of the metaphors were genius too. It's really hard sometime to throw them into your OM's, but you did, and came through with each one.

    ''I’m holdin my madness,… My anger bottled inside could float on Atlantis''

    Really good...I really enjoyed reading this piece, like I said 9 or 10 times, everything was perfect, I didn't seem to notice one thing that was wrong with it, this was flawless, expect a nomination maybe. peace man.

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    188
    Thanks for the feed, Still uppin..

  9. #9
    DrFunkMD
    Guest
    Nigga, that was tight and dope and motha fucken soap on a rope.

    Keep doin yo thang kid. Word!

  10. #10
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Age
    54
    Posts
    20,733
    Battle Record
    212-103
    Awards LLL Season Champion LLL HOF 200+ Wins
    Nice shit...

    I suspect this is Cam...if so...you've lost your touch some.

    Not that this isn't dope...it is.

    But it's very simplistic at times in vocab.
    Plus, all ya cards are face up on the table...
    You've added no metaphors or wordplay, really...
    Cept simple shit like, "my chest tearing like knives".
    Wow. Ya dug deep on that one, eh?
    And...your shit gets redundant after a while...
    Kinda too much, "oh woe as me".
    Man up, dude!

    But, yeah, I can see why everyone's fawning over this...

    It kicks the crap outta what's usually posted in OM.

    So, take the criticism without beef, Cam...

    And if this ain't Cam...nice shit for a first drop.
    Exceptional, in fact...but it can be improved.

    Peace

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    188
    Whatever son, And no this aint Cam, Were ya open mics at????

  12. #12
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Age
    54
    Posts
    20,733
    Battle Record
    212-103
    Awards LLL Season Champion LLL HOF 200+ Wins
    Go look in Hall of Fame...

    And Legends.

    Peace

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    188
    So thats why you were gettin all but hurt?, Cuz you at rb legend and some random cat comes and drops one open mic and puts your best work to shame??LMAO

    Well, what a dissapointment...
    I thought we had a new head with talent...someone cats could learn from.
    Someone who'd be dope to read whenever he drops...
    Instead we gotta typical newb who thinks he's above any criticism.
    Fucka Shakespeare, fucka Poe...we got Ex's bitch ass...someone make him his very own wing in Legends! Step back! Look out! Dopeness unleashed!
    Fuck off...I tried being nice to your dumbass. - BTK
    Last edited by Born To Kill; February 22nd, 2005 at 05:43 PM

  14. #14
    CelticOne
    Guest
    damn boy i tell you what that shit was fuckin nuts. i could feel the pain of the child you're tryin to describe, whether it's really you or just a story in your mind..very descriptive, the multis and vocab were beyond what most people on this site are capable of...the imagery, the schemes, the...jeez dude keep writin is all i gotta say!!

    please return the fave on the battle in my sig...vs scarecrow paul

  15. #15
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    188
    Bump

Similar Threads

  1. abandon ship
    By Joe Boston in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: May 9th, 2011, 09:44 AM
  2. Orphan (2009)
    By Jordan Garnett in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: August 17th, 2009, 11:51 PM
  3. liam [vs] Abandon
    By Abandon in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: August 19th, 2004, 03:34 PM
  4. Abandon Satan
    By DALC in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: June 28th, 2004, 09:18 AM
  5. orphan
    By sick and twisted in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: April 26th, 2004, 02:04 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •