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Thread: Today

  1. #1
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Bedford, Pennsylvania
    Age
    38
    Posts
    24

    Post Today

    Today!
    The day is today
    the day they all will pay.
    from here to there
    just pretty much everywhere .
    the sun is bright
    gonna be a dark night
    the stars will shine
    so constant to remind
    that hes not here today
    hes been gone since may.
    on that gloomy night that,
    the rain made him go away.
    So tonight the rain will pay
    the sky shows no signs of gray
    everthing seems like its in the norm
    no signs of a storm
    everything has changed, but
    who are we to blame
    he gave me everything even my name
    but, now that hes gone that brings me a frown
    as the years go by the memories do to
    whats left to show that he knew me to or that the love that we shared
    all the times that he cared
    nothing at all
    which is why im still here
    watching in fear
    as the sky gets dark
    theres no shelter here in the park
    a rumble of thunder the lightning starts to crack
    which brings it all back!
    today no-one will pay
    because today it his day.

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  2. #2
    Nation
    Guest
    iuno kinda wierd to me, like a poem more then a freestyle, it was str8, u got room for improvement.. keep dropppin em

  3. #3
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    This was pretty good here...I think it was more poetry though...But if you want to get more replies should post it here anyway lol...But i liked it for what it was though...Like i said seem more poetry which is cool...I like reading poetry and such...i liked the meaning behind the piece and word choice you used and how you went about doing so...had some good details and describing in it...But overall it was good for what it is I thought....Keep it up!

  4. #4
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Bedford, Pennsylvania
    Age
    38
    Posts
    24

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  5. #5
    $DaQuika$
    Guest
    nice...not really my kinda shit...more childrens book type ish...

    but nice in that way!

    do ya thang

  6. #6
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Bedford, Pennsylvania
    Age
    38
    Posts
    24
    Thanx yall keep it coming, i like to hear what everyone thinks good or bad so keep it comin!!

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  7. #7
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,866
    Battle Record
    3-0
    This was a nice story, you kept with your idea and went into detail. The rhyming was simple, but it didn't take away from the emotion.

  8. #8
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Bedford, Pennsylvania
    Age
    38
    Posts
    24
    thanx..

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