Jus listen

[Jared Janes]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...18#post2065018

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...61#post2066461


[Verse]

Is it a crime to wanna write, whenever u down or outta tune-
When im in that state of mind, i feel theres nothin i cant do-
So thats why i choose, To express in words, a way thats pure-
Feel so secure & sure of it, when i grab a pencil & scribble shyt-
I git free, like jay-z, it's my moment of clarity, maybe its jus me-
But i ont thynk it is, betcha therez alot more but jus wont admitt-
That in their spare time, jott down rhymes, to ease away tha pain-
They to feel inside from day to day, it's ok no need to be afriad-
Jus let loose, who cares, and if they do, screw them dont b scared-
If it's somethin you enjoy then boy, jus sit back and ignore um-
It's totally normal to be hesitent, i was, N still am to sum extent-
But i know it's much better 2 vent, then hold and bottle it all in-
Risk git'n pissed off and blowin ur lid, come on kid, [jus listen]

[Chorus]

Why swallow and hollow out a bottle of segrams 7 gin-
And ask god to forgive you for all of your sins-
Jus seems natural doesn't it, when were comfronted
With some problem, that's our way with solve'n shyt-
When we git pissed, now'a days id brather grab a sierra mist-
And save my anger-dpression or whatever it is, instead & spit-

[WhiteNoise]

i liked urs bro, the structure needs some work, vocab was pretty good, work on ur flow jsut a lil bit more u need to rhyme a lil bit more and space it out no need to be so conjested with ur rhymes....keep spittin

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

[CrazyCarl]

I thought this was good. The rhyming was alright. You could add another verse, or make this longer. You kept with the topic, and didn't stray from it, which was good.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168531

[warchild]

This was a decent verse but it needed to be longer.
The structure was good, your vocab was nice in parts.
You need to work on the flow but overall i thought it was decent but it could of been better if you had done 2 verses.

[ninjaboy]

this was pretty good. i liked the idea behind it, and there were some nice lines, a few good multies. i liked the ending of the first verse. the only thing is i think if you're gonna have a chorus you need two verses. but the chorus was nice anyways. keep it up. and return the favor, hit up my latest, beautiful day. pz

[wasabi]

eh yo u had some good vovabulary u gotta step it up though if u wanna be on this site

[MrGolden79]

This flow was decent. About average I'd say... a little more work and it be good. I've seen alot more worse shit on this site than this so don't stress...